Keep the faith!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2002
Keep the faith!
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 9:58am
Hello everyone,

I had a revelation the other night that I thought I would share with all of you. Being a veteran singleton myself, I know how hard things can be. Eight months ago, my circumstances changed and I crossed over to the "other side," but I still have not forgotten the life I had prior to being in a relationship. I had been a "singleton" on and off (mostly on) for about six years and during that period I spent a lot time just growing up. I really took some time to get to know myself and establish goals for my life. I am not saying that I was in a constant state of euphoria and that every day brought a new epiphany, but I did learn quite a bit. There were plenty of days where I felt hopeless about ever meeting someone who understood me, or really wanted to take the time to get to know who I am. However, despite all of my hardships, something kept pushing me forward.

One important thing I learned to do is to "let go." For someone with a stereotypical Type A personality, this was not (and still isn't) an easy feat. However, I noticed, on days where I was just living in the moment, that things seemed a little bit more pleasant and life handed me the things I was so desperately wishing for...namely to find a mate.

This is all leading up to my main point. When I come back and lurk here for a while, I notice regular patterns. A lot of singletons post confused messages about "Why hasn't he called," or "Why do men do this?" You get the picture. Questions that try to extract bits of human nature and dissect them to make sense of what seems like chaos. However, I am here to tell you, as living proof, that when you meet the right one, a good one, none of these questions will make any difference. You won't need the answers because it will be so easy just to "be" with the person you have found. I am not saying that you won't have questions at all; my boyfriend baffles me daily, but the need to find the answers won't be as pressing. You can just relax and know that you have plenty of time to figure it all out. So, hang in there and just relax. If you find yourself asking such ominous questions about someone you have just met...or even someone you have been dating for a while, maybe it is a sign to reevaluate what you are doing there.

Keep your chin up and relax, he or she is waiting out there for you.

With lots of hugs,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: sullylark
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 10:58am
I don't think you can make that generalization - I know couples where it was easy and couples where it was not. I have been single my whole life except for the two times I have been engaged - I have been in about 6 long term relationships and I always considered myself single - as in, not engaged or married - no such thing for me as "the other side" unless you're married or engaged - dating/having a boyfriend - huge difference from being engaged and I am sure being engaged is hugely different from being married.

While I thank you for sharing your experiences and what worked for you, and that you consider yourself to be on "the other side" I don't think what you had to say applies to me. What I do think is that if I'm not at least a little bit insecure/nervous in the beginning of a relationship it probably means my interest level is not that high - I am not talking about wanting someone who plays games - but even the most reliable person can bring that out in me - in the beginning - until I know where I stand - on the other hand, a man who tells me on the second date that he is smitten and starts calling me three times a day also makes me nervous - about whether he is emotionally stable.

Best of luck to you and your boyfriend!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: sullylark
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 11:44am
Thanks for the message of inspiration! You're so right. I too am a "singleton" and can say that I've learned so much about myself being single -- things I may have forgotten about in my last relationship. Good luck to you and your boyfriend. You sound like you're very well grounded :)