Kindest Way to Dump Someone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Kindest Way to Dump Someone?
36
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 4:34pm

At brunch this morning with girlfriends, I explained how ambivalent I feel about a man I see sometimes, here referred to as Stingy Geek.

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 7:11pm

I appreciate anyone who takes the other person's feelings in consideration. I also know that honesty is the best policy. If I am treated with respect then I would rather hear the truth directly. In fact treating me as if I am strong enough to be dumped is treating me with respect.

"Stingy Greek.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 9:24pm
Be honest with him. Tell him that you realized that you've been stringing him along, and that you feel that's not fair to him or to you. You've realized that you don't, nor will you ever, love him, and for each of you to be happy, you must cut all contact. ALL contact. You have to make that clear to him.

Although being blunt may seem mean at first, it's the best approach because it doesn't leave him with any questions. It's when we have the "what if" and "what did I do?" questions that things get drawn out and take longer to get over. The truth hurts, but most of the time it's best.

After seven years, you owe this to him in person. Doing it over the phone would just be wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Sun, 10-30-2011 - 9:58pm

FYI, this was never a "FWB" relationship, Mark.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 3:00pm
I would tell him, as delicately as possible, that in no way, shape, or form, is the relationship going to go any further and that you think it would be best, for both of you, if you just move on, respectively. If he asks why, I would tell him, but again, try to be as delicate as humanly possible. I know it's hard. I've had two different guys hunt me down and demand an answer. It sucked donkey balls. One of them, I remember, I finally said "I will never, ever, be attracted to you in a romantic fashion." I remember him saying something like, "Wow, thanks." Well, guess what, you asked. I'm not going to lie and leave them hanging, wondering: "What if I'd done something differently?" Once you've said your goodbyes, I'd stick to my guns. To do otherwise would only lead him on. He needs to move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 6:17pm

Thanks cfk.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 8:25pm

That's the thing-- you shouldn't have to make a guy into a home improvement project for them to fit who you want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-22-2009
Mon, 10-31-2011 - 10:15pm
I'm so sorry that you are in this position. I've been there and it is not a good feeling. The hardest part will be the no contact that will come afterwards. Just make sure you are ready for it, before you make the initial break up. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Tue, 11-01-2011 - 1:14am

Frankly, I'm going to miss the fact that's he's always been there as Plan B - the man I could always return to if everything else failed.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 11-01-2011 - 2:06am
I guess therein lies the nub of the dilemma. Not so much how to dump someone you are not at all compatible with but how to dump a guy who always been your Plan B and he did not know that. How to dump a guy that you were sexual with, how to dump a guy that you stopped seeing but decided to start up again with him.

No wonder you are concerned with his ego for now you want to end it for all the right reasons but stayed in the relationship for all the wrong reasons unbeknownst to him.

Better late than never and I wish you and him well in this difficult process.

Mark
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2011
Tue, 11-01-2011 - 2:15am

Marie.. deep down inside I don't think you want to end things with him for good. If you did, you would have done it long ago and you wouldn't be asking anyone how to do it. You actually like having him around because he is a boost to your ego.

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