Kissed a guy at work

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Kissed a guy at work
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 5:07pm

Hi, ok, need some advice...bit of a long story, but a guy from work kissed me on Friday night after a work event and now I feel awkward, weird and I have a crush on him and I have absolutely no idea what he is thinking.

So anyway, there this guy who is a contractor, who has been in my team since May.  He is Australian, hasn’t been in the country long, is quite shy and quiet and I do work with him occasionally.   He seems a nice guy, but I don’t really know him on a personal basis, apart from when we all sit down to lunch together as a team.  There has always been office banter with this guy, but nothing more than that...I had noticed how cute he was especially when he smiled, but didn’t think anything more...i.e. I didn’t have a full blown crush or far as I was concerned he is 26!! (I am 39!)  

On Friday, we had a charity day out, where we go out and help do work for a charity followed by drinks in a pub to celebrate our work.  So anyway, out of a group of 15, about 5 of us ended up the last ones in the pub.  We all had a bit to drink and there was probably quite a bit of banter/light flirting with this guy...but nothing more than usual. 

Anyway at the end of the night, when we all had to figure out how to get home, I ended up on a train with him and another girl.  When I sat down and he sat down next to me, I noticed that our legs were touching and his arm seemed to be quite close to mine, but I put this down to he was quite drunk and all over the place.  Anyway, I was chatting to him and he seemed to have sobered up.  The other girl got off a couple of stops later and we had a long journey into town – me and him.  We were chatting briefly and then it all went a bit quiet....suddenly his hand from out of nowhere seemed to be on my knee!  I turned and looked at him, but he didn’t look at me, so at first I thought maybe he has drunkenly draped his arm and hand over my leg by accident.  I was going to say something, but when his hand started moving up my leg, I realised it was quite deliberate and I would have to decide if I wanted it there or not!

I decided to leave it there and he spent the whole journey, just gently caressing my thigh...It was the longest journey of my life as we both clearly wanted to kiss each other, but couldn’t as it was a train full of people.  We both didn’t say anything for the rest of the journey and I turned to look at him at one point and he half smiled at me.  At one point he started to nuzzle my hair and it was so excruitiating.   I just whispered to him, wait, our stop will be soon.  As soon as we got off the train, we walked to the platform not saying anything but holding hands and as soon as we got to the platform, he quite literally pushed me up against the wall and we started to kiss passionately despite the platform was full of people....(I apologise, as I am one of those people who say ‘get a room’!).  Anyway after about 10 mins, I pushed him away and said I have to go and get my train.....he said ok...’I guess we shouldn’t mention this on Monday morning’.

So anyway today was Monday and I felt quite awkward.  He came into work and I was already sitting at a desk and even though there was a desk free next to me, he sat at another table, which was the first strike!  (I must explain here that we hot desk, so we move around everyday).  I then walked past him on the way to the water cooler and said 'hey how you doing' and he said fine...wasn't overly friendly.  Then we all went out on a team lunch and we did manage to joke around a bit, like normal and things felt a bit better.  In the afternoon again a few of us and him had some banter and I even had a meeting at my desk with him and he was ok.

But now...I have no idea what happens.

I have absolutely no idea if I was to him just a drunken kiss, which he is now feeling mortified about and totally regrets and he was totally wearing his beer goggles!  Or did he like me beforehand and really wanted to kiss me and just got drunk so had the guts to do it.  

The last thing I want to do is make him first uncomfortable, but also I don't want to avoid him.  We were cool before and used to have lots of office banter so I just want things to carry on as before, but I don't want him to think that every time I speak to him, its because of what happened. 

The other thing is he probably has no idea how old I am, as I look young for my age...and for goodness sake he is 26 and I am what was I thinking!! 

But he is so cute and now I have a very bad crush on him.    We shared an intense kiss/situation and now I can’t get him out of my head.  The whole thing was incredibly hot!

Do I have just have to accept, that if he wants something more, he will do something about it and if he doesn’t, I should just forget about it?

Or do I just wait until the next drinks, hanging around hoping something will happen.  What if he doesn’t want anything to happen, I’m going to feel a real idiot - just this not knowing what he wants is very frustrating. The last thing I want to do is look sad and desparate for something to happen.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 6:35pm
I'm thinking he's obviously attracted to you, but was probably just looking to hook up that night. Alcohol tends to do that to a guy. I had my own passionate-up-against-a-wall kiss with a guy I've been flirting with for a year just a couple of weeks ago. I felt awkward at first, but since I didn't see him for a week it was all normal the next time I saw him. We've been a tad more affectionate since then, but he clearly doesn't want a relationship since he isn't asking me out. It'll pass with your guy too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 6:19am


You've described it well. 'Hotness' of the whole thing comes stuff..


'..Do I have just have to accept, that if he wants something more, he will do something about it and if he doesn’t, I should just forget about it?'

Yes, I'm afraid. There really is no point speculating, crushing, agonizing, thinking, overthinking..etc.etc. Easier said than done, I know. He will let you know exactly what happens now, if anything. A 26 y old Australian travelling the world sampling experiences wanting a r-ship with a 39 y old woman? No, don't think so. Another night similar to what you've had....? He will make it very clear to you if he wants it.

The only thing you can do now is nothing at all. Try all you can and more to behave around him as though nothing at all happened between you. Get yourself out to other places where you can meet gorgeous blokes to have fun with..maybe even fun leading to serious. PLEASE PLEASE don't obsess about him.... Assume that what you had was it. That's the best way to go about it. Trust me, I know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Tue, 10-01-2013 - 6:44pm

Hi - and thanks for commenting.

I feel a bit better today - I have pretty much done that - just been behaving completely normally to him and not avoiding him or anything, but still joking around etc, e.g. still went down to lunch with the team.

Believe me, I am fully aware that this would never be relationship material!  He lives in a house full of other Aussies around the same age, so he is not someone I had even considered for a relationship and I am under no illusion this is something he would want!  If I was him, I wouldn't either!

Am not obsessing, I was just trying to figure out if he remembers, regrets it, or wanted it I guess?  (Ok, maybe I am obsessing a teeny bit!) 

Anyway, as a side thing - today at lunch a few of us were talking about 'Dallas' and he said 'what's Dallas'??  Erm, you know JR, Southfork etc.....nope...he didn't have a clue!  Gawd that made me feel old....reality!

I am going to just put it down to one of those things - which was I might add very enjoyable!  Would I want it again if it was offered...I guess so!....

But there you go!