Ladies, I need help - Man Help

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Ladies, I need help - Man Help
6
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 10:55pm
I met this guy from work. I really haven't been the same since I met him. We talk on the phone a couple times a week 1 hour to 2 hours at a stretch. We talk about everything, from kids, parents, sex, exs, whats going on in our own lives, etc. We talk about what our houses are like and what we want out of life. We have yet to go out on a date. We both have busy schedules. Do men usually talk about these things? Please help or advise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 2:35pm
He broke up with his ex about 9 months ago, it was a very bad breakup. No girlfriend or wife.
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 11:16am
I agree with Deena. It doesn't make a bit of difference. We've all been burned, and ALL relationships take a leap of faith. Why is his situation any worse than the rest of us? It's not. He just seems to be invested in his "hurt" a whole lot more.

You don't want this guy. It'll just cause problems later on.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 11:12am
In my opinion, you shouldn't count on this guy turning into anything. You didn't say how long you have been doing this (I haven't read any responses yet), but it sounds like it's long enough to make you question whether he's interested. If you really want to date him, you can mention doing something sometime, but to me, if he's really interested, you shouldn't have to.

Another thing- do you know him well enough to know whether he's married or has a girlfriend?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 8:17am
Like I said - emotionally healthy and available men if interested will ask a woman out - you just answered your question - if you believe he is so scared and so burned then no he is not emotionally stable and why would you want to be with someone like that. But consider this news flash - all of us have been burned and are scared and a man who tells you that (or a woman who tells a man) that that is keeping him from asking you out is typically just trying to let you down gently because he is not interested in you - typically - sure there are some people just out of a marriage who are not ready or out of an abusive situation - or there is my friend who married a man who told her when he met her that he needed 2 months to get really over someone else and then he would call - and he did - sounds like this guy is using you as a sounding board/therapist and that just isn't sexy - a man who is interested and healthy will want you to see his best side when he is courting you - it can be very compelling to listen to a sexy man moan about his problems with women and how he has been hurt - can make you feel close to him, bonded, like his confidante - but never ever confuse that for interest in you, romantically.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 04-18-2003 - 12:06am
Well I know he's really scared and has been burned really bad. Does that make a difference.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-17-2003 - 11:58pm
Sounds to me like he just wants a phone pal for now - men who are emotionally healthy/stable and interested in a woman typically ask the woman out on a date particularly if the conversations are clearly not just of a friend/platonic nature. The longer you keep this phone stuff going on the more fantasy you will create making it harder to deal with a real relationship. I would suggest getting together or even better next time cut the conversation short after 10 minutes telling him you are loving talking to him but you have to go - that way if he wants more he has to step up to the plate and ask you out.