"Languishing Ladies"

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
"Languishing Ladies"
4
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:17pm

by Marisa Micallef

Some of my thirty and forty something male friends complain that the girls they meet, especially the local ones are all a mite too keen to settle down, find husbands and make babies. The thirty something girls on the other hand complain there just aren’t enough men around, and the ones that are, around that is, are fine as friends go but are not interested in any form of commitment. And that indeed when they do decide to commit they find someone much younger, much more malleable, perhaps foreign, but in every case girls who are prepared to play second fiddle to them.

This includes hanging around with his male friends and his partners, remaining pretty and well maintained while he deteriorates physically to an astonishing degree, and generally having pretty unbalanced relationships despite years and years of equal educational and other opportunities. At the end of the day if there isn’t enough of a supply of men and of heterosexual men particularly, and if men can pick and choose and go younger and younger, or foreign or more foreign, the imbalance and the catholic-arab attitude we have in many relationships is bound to persist.

Everywhere you go, and never more so than in summer when everyone is out displaying their wares, via plastic bag filled boobs, pert bums, over arched eyebrows, waxed of hair female and male bodies, you see hordes, or groups of thirty something girls who may never marry( unless they find a foreigner), who may never have kids,(unless they decide to go it alone), and who are in a sense doomed to the frustrations and none of the glamour of the lives of women we saw in Friends, on Ally McBeal, on Sex in the City.

And there have been plenty of articles, in the English media certainly, of the glut of city girls particularly, who simply cannot net a man either because the men their age do not want to commit, or as is the case in Malta and Gozo too, more and more are coming out and showing their gayness.

Whatever the reason the supply is not matching the demand. The only glut of men are the very sad illegal immigrant, and very obviously these are not what the beleagured Maltese female is looking for especially if she is looking for a degree of financial security to finance her coffees with girlfriends complete with the whole nail, skin and straightened hair look which doesn’t come cheap, but is now de rigeur, even for many single parent mums living off benefits.

The consequence? A whole generation of women who have never invested so much in their appearance as this one. They do their nails to veritable female warrior level. Their hair is regularly blow-dried and straightened. They go for massages, skin treatments, facials, detoxifying stuff, cellulite treatment and yet many of them will have a round of relationships, which are often just free sex for the male, but probably not lasting commitment, or the kind of commitment that is definitely preferable if you would like to have children.

Many men will only admit this is so if you ask them whether they would be happy if their 20 year old daughter was being used in this way by a 40 something man ? Then the penny drops. But men of course can never let themselves see that every girl is a man’s daughter, that girls are not there for their free sexual gratification only, and if that is mainly what they are using them for, Using a prostitute would in fact be a far more honourable way to go about it rather than pretending they love someone they are just using for free sex.

These girls are not all aware of the problem or willing to admit it of course. They were brought up to have fun, fun, fun which meant as much sexual freedom as the boys. And they certainly did have fun in their twenties when their bodies and hair was at its best, when it seems tomorrow would never come. But the minute they start to hit their mid thirties, the minute they realise they have slept with everyone they wanted to sleep with, they look around and see a very reduced market indeed, a very unattractive supply of potential male partners.

For the men it is different. Many of these 40 somethings can quite easily and happily net a 20 something year old who is not bothered by talk of commitment yet. She is impressed by his perhaps financial stability, his nice car, his lifestyle, his weekends in Rome or whatever. He is of course enjoying having it all without having to give anything in return except perhaps a little expenditure. This is not just a local phenomenon. I was at dinner last Friday and watching this middle aged balding bore of a foreign pompous man talk while two very young female beauties sat opposite him. He just talked. They just looked at him, occasionally nodding or saying yes. It was a one way conversation. They were dressed to the nines. He was buying them dinner and God knows what else?

Can all this change? Not while more and more men are revealing their gayness. Not while more and more men cannot marry again anyway after their marriage in their twenties didn’t work. Our bolshy and sexually free thirty somethings might not be willing to admit it but it certainly is a boy’s world, and here in Mlata and Gozo particularly so. The only way to improve things might be a different generation of mothers and importation of the male equivalents of all the East European women who are here. Trouble is though our girls still seem to like the local talent, even though it is in ever reducing supply?

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http://www.independent.com.mt/news.asp?newsitemid=56490




Edited 8/27/2007 12:58 pm ET by capegirardeau
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:41pm
I know it's not the point, but how the heck did you find this?? :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 12:58pm
Was posted on another forum on another website-- that has nothing to do with relationships/love/dating. I wont go out of my way to find an article like this :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 1:22pm
I am having the hardest time following this article. Is it saying 40+ men have it good or not? Could you summarize the main points?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2001
Mon, 08-27-2007 - 1:49pm

I agree with one observation in the article. The observation that many older men like to have a younger gal to just talk at and be with without really being her friend.

I have experienced this myself. I was in a relationship with an older man. He was a talker. I literally did not have to do anything in order for him to want to hang around me. He said "I have such fun with you" when I hardly, and could hardly get a word in. It's the same idea...older men just getting a thrill with being with someone younger and that carrying the day.

I really crave a real friendship with a man. I want to really connect emotionally so that he is my friend and lover...not just an interesting older man. I went that route and although it's nice to be adored...it's not enough for me. I want the real thing.

Soliel