last rant before the holidays

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
last rant before the holidays
3
Mon, 12-12-2005 - 11:46pm

Well, I'm still here, so I suppose that's good. I too am sad that I'll be entering another holiday season feeling disappointed. What can you do. It wasn't meant to be and I can't cling to someone just to avoid being single. I tried going on two new dates the last few days and they only backfired because I wasn't remotely attracted to them. The dates only made me think of the flame and the crazy instant attraction we had from the first date. I know I'm idealizing parts of him now that it's over, but I had never felt so beautiful and desired by someone I was likewise attracted to. There were times we spent together that were downright euphoric. I guess I'm afraid I'll never find that kind of chemistry again. These other guys were stiff and nervous and it was too much work trying to talk to them. My therapist told me I'm not ready to start dating again and I totally agree. I'm sorry that I went out with these two guys and for possibly misleading them. I emailed one of them and said I'm sorry but I've realized that I need to sort some things out and am not ready to date. The other didn't seem all that interested in me anyway, so I don't plan to contact him either way.

So I mentioned this in another post, but my therapist suggested I go home early for the holidays instead of hanging around here (I moved a few months ago for work). She said the change of scenery would be good since I'm without a support system here and I find myself wondering if I'm going to run into him everytime I go out. Once I decided to take this advice, I felt so relieved. It will be good to take a long drive anyway (300 miles), and there are people back home who will embrace me warmly and remind me that I have much to offer and am better off without the guy.

I just wanted to wish you all a happy holiday and thank you again for being a forum for my rants. I really appreciate all the responses too. I'm not quite to where I am optimistic that I'll meet a man with whom I have chemistry and is actually the right guy for me, but since so many people have told me this in the last few days, I can only believe this must be true.

SBC

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 7:47am

Going home always helps me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 8:54am

I know what you mean about the chemistry. I worried that I would never find it after I had my heartbroken a few years ago. I can't tell you that I have yet, either. But I will say this - it turns out to be OK. Because that experience, and the ones that I have had since, have changed what I want and how I want the chemistry to play into it. I still need to be attracted to a man and there has to be chemistry but I am no longer looking to feel like I am floating on clouds. In all honesty, I think that my judgment was slightly impaired by just how swept off my feet I was. I guess my point is that, while I understand you being worried about not finding it again, maybe it would help to focus on the possibilities in the future and how you may grow from this experience.

I am glad that you decided to go home early. My agency has been practically begging me to move to DC for years now but I am too scared to give up my support network. I give you props for taking the chance. You are a braver soul than I.

Have a wonderful holiday and check in with us if you can!

Jules

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Tue, 12-13-2005 - 11:26am

Thanks. I am leaving this morning and wanted to check in one last time. It's crazy the things we do in the wake of a breakup isn't it? I don't know what I was thinking going on these two dates. I was trying to find traces of him in these guys. If that isn't a sign that it's time to take a break from dating, I don't know what is!!

I've heard some crazier rebound stories. A friend told me about an ex who got engaged to a new person a week after a breakup.

Anyway, really looking forward to the next couple weeks at home. I hope others who will spend the holidays single are able to do something like this to feel better as well. Change your scenery, take a short trip, make dates with single friends, visit family you haven't seen in a long time. We must remember that we were whole before these men entered our lives and we just have to find ourselves again.