Learned some disturbing news

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2006
Learned some disturbing news
3
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 6:24pm

I am sorry for the long post but..

I have been with my bf for 7 months now. I thought our relationship was moving along and everything was great wonderful. We were out with some friends of his the other night and his buddy’s wife got very drunk. I have never met her before and she told me several things about my bf that really bothered me and I'm not sure how to respond.

We work for the same company. Different departments different buildings. I was unsure about dating a coworker so I resisted his advances for several weeks. During that time he sent me flowers, cards, left little silly gifts on my desk etc. - Guess what? He was living with his ex the entire time! The night finally I accepted his date he went home and broke up with her. He waited over 2 months before getting his stuff and still has a lot of things there.

Three weeks after our first date he took me away for a romantic weekend. Lovely B&B, candlelight dinners, sunset cruise, massage.- Guess what? He already had the trip booked and paid for. It was his 2 yr. anniversary present for his ex!

I was recently looking for a new apartment. My BF suggested a neighborhood close to our work and I found an apartment that I liked. - Guess what? His ex lives 2 blocks away in their old apartment.

Since my move he has been spending a lot of time at my place. I joined an exercise class on Tuesday evenings. My BF spends the time in the local bar and comes over when it closes. He has never mentioned this bar to me before an I didn't think anything of it. Guess what? It’s the bar his ex hangs out in. Her brother is the Tuesday night bartender and she is there every Tuesday. It’s actually the bar they met in.

My cell phone has the same ring tone as his ex - Guess who programmed the ring?
We just rented a vacation house for the last week in August – Guess what is the SAME house he and his ex rented for the past 2 summers.

I tried to talk to my bf about all of this but he says it not a big deal. That I reading too much into it. Do men really think like this? Is it no big deal? Can they do the same activies with another girl and have it mean nothing?

I am on the fence about breaking it off, and any insight would be appreciated!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 6:34pm

I probably could let all of them go with the MAJOR exceptions of him breaking it off with her ON THE DAY you accepted a date with him AND the weekend thing.

THOSE are absolutely unacceptable. He's like a monkey who doesn't want to let go of a branch until he has another one in his grasp.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2006
Tue, 06-06-2006 - 6:57pm

Thank you!

That bothered me too. You see I have only had one relationship. I am in my early 20's and was with my ex since college. My BF is in his early 40's. I have no experience dating someone with a history.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2006
Wed, 06-07-2006 - 1:46pm
Just remember that he's a grown man and probably set in his ways - do you want to be the girlfriend he's with while he's sending flowers to another girl and asking her out, only keeping you around so that he doesn't have to be alone? If he did it once he's probably done it before and more than likely will do it again. Other than that do you really want to be with someone who has hidden so much in such a little time? You should confront your boyfriend about this all. Sounds like he made himself come off as a full time romantic sweetheart when the reality is he's manipulating and deceitful. Sorry that might sound sort of harsh, but if I had been in your shoes I'd be well on my way to being swept off my feet - only to realize that hardly any of it was as sincere as he made it seem or even intended for me at all? That's bull.