let's take it slow

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
let's take it slow
4
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 2:35pm

I hope you all won't mind if I ask for some advice!

A three-month relationship I had with a co-worker recently ended. I know it's often advised to not date co-workers, and this makes sense, so I imagined I would keep my dating feet out of the company pool from now on.

Yesterday, a man from another department joined me on my meal break. I already knew who he was, and he has been friendly, but for some reason I felt sure he was married. We had a lovely conversation that made me late back to work :)I know that lovely conversations aren't all that hard to come by, but our talk was hardly the 'getting-to-know' you one that it should've been (we'd never talked before) - it was as if we knew each other rather well to start. I feel very intrigued, and the way he came to see me and walked me back to my spot seemed very purposeful, if that makes sense.

Nothing may come of this, but at the same time, it could. Before anything has the chance to happen, I thought I would plead for your advice. Perhaps I should stay strong and keep a tough policy against dating co-workers. But, if I sense a rare opportunity here, I think I may let the policy go.

But if I do let the policy go, the last thing I want to do is fly into something. I have a tendency to rush dating possibilities, no matter how much I tell myself I'd like to get to know him or become friends first. So, if you think it's not a cardinal sin to date a co-worker who works across the building, how do you think I could go about deciding if this is a rare opportunity without jumping into dating and all those butterfly, reason-killing feelings?

Thanks so much!

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 2:54pm

I think that as long as both people are mature adults, dating coworkers can work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 3:42pm

I agree.

I've always worked for very small companies where dating a co-worker would mean dating the whole office, but if he's in a different department, big deal!

My sis and her husband work for the same company and it's never been an issue.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2003
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 4:06pm

Lithenblithe, it sounds exciting! It's always great to have one of those conversations where you feel like you know the person already. I personally think it's fine to date a co-worker, as long as you're selective and mature about it.


As for going slow, I guess just keep remembering to check in with yourself about the information you are gathering about him and how you feel with him. Sharing with friends helps too. And, like others have suggested, focusing on things other than the developing relationship is a good idea ... it keeps you grounded in reality in a bit.


Good luck!


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Tue, 06-13-2006 - 7:19pm

Thanks, everyone, for the great advice!

I guess it is pretty common sense - keep myself busy and don't get too interested if I want to take it slow! It is a little easier said than done, but I think it's exactly what I will do. And luckily, he seems like the kind of guy who won't mind keeping some distance and getting to know me gradually. I don't think he'll just lose interest if nothing happens just yet. That is exciting :)

Maybe I can check back in for some reminders if I get off track!

Thanks again!