Liars, Cheaters, and Me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Liars, Cheaters, and Me!
4
Fri, 07-13-2007 - 10:44pm

You know, I think I've come to the realization that I should feel so very blessed and lucky to be a woman, a single woman, who is strong enough to endure some pretty crappy stuff!
I recently encountered a third situation in which a man I met decided that he was going to try to get as far as he could with me without mentioning that he was married! I mean, what gives? Brief story: met a guy a little over a month ago while out with friends. The guy said that he had recently become legally separated from his wife. We talked for over an hour that night and exchanged numbers. Since I'm somewhat of an old-fashioned girl, I waited for him to call...he never did. I just charged it to the game, and forgot about it. Then, nearly a month after we met, I got a call from him out of the blue, saying that he'd broken his cell phone the day after we met (knew it was a lie, but was curious).

I waited two weeks, and returned his call. He kinda won me over with his words...and we talked daily for about a week...this was last week. I began to notice that his story about being separated wasn't adding up...it just seemed like he was hiding something. Each time we'd talk, it would be at night and he was NEVER at home, but driving around. Long story short, I soon found out that he was still living with his wife...the one who he was supposed legally separated from. He claimed that he was looking for his own place. I told him that I just didn't feel comfortable communicating with him in his current situation. He said that he understood, but just wanted to get to know me. I half agreed, half expressed hesitation. The next day, I said to myself, "there's no harm in this, right?" WRONG! My phone rang last night and it was his wife! She interrogated me about who I was and where we met. She said that they ARE NOT separated and that they've been married for 7 years...I just listened then ended the call.

He called today and apologized for involving me and for disrespecting his wife! The wife was in the background telling him what to say! I could hear her! These people are nuts! What kind of mess is that?

Well, as I said before this isn't the first time this has happened to me....not the first time I've been phoned by a wife! I'm a magnet for unavailable men. It's beginning to make me afraid to get serious with men because I figure it's just a matter of time until I'm that clueless woman in the same place as the women those men cheat on. I've never been the type to become embittered and say that 'all men are dogs, liars, cheaters, etc.' It is getting difficult, though, to feel like I can fully trust.

Sorry this was so long. I'm just venting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 12:23pm

It is amazing how some people are so messed up. And its not just men that are liars and cheaters. I got out of a messed up situation involving my bf (at the time) cheating on me with a married mother of 2 who knew full well I was around (we had met). The excuses they use to make it ok to do the things they do make sense to them , but not to the rest of the rational world LOL

I will always steer well clear of any man that is "separated" or even "getting a divorce". They may have checked out of the relationship but that doesn't mean they've told their wives the same thing! There is ALWAYS the other side of the story, which is where I was a few years ago.

I think your intuition told you he was sketchy. Just trust your gut! I know how frustrating it is to go through life and hear time after time of so and so cheating or getting cheated on, or in your case having attached men approach you. It has made me look at people a whole lot differently. It takes a really special person to be loyal and deal with one relationship before starting another. Very hard to come by it seems...

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 12:55pm

I think you're being too nice.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 2:00pm

My rule of thumb, take from it what you will: Shady behavior = shady boy. If I give a guy my number and he waits two weeks to call me back, much less an entire month? Sorry, I don't have time for you. That's ridiculous in my opinion. I know every ones lives are busy but come on!? Now, if he gets my # and then says, "I"ll be out of town for a week", that's understandable. However, this I lost my cell phone or it broke or . . . sorry, I'm just not buying it.

As for married men, a friend of mine just found herself in the same position as this man's wife except, she dumped his sorry ***.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 07-14-2007 - 2:13pm

I hear ya...I haven't had an issue with married men, per se, but I have had lots of liars cross my path which is very frustrating and disheartening.

I hope that your takeaway from this experience is to WALK AWAY at the first sign of shady behavior. You say you knew he was lying to you from the minute he called you--in the future you need to squelch that curiosity and just say no!

Sheri