"Life in the fastlane"

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
"Life in the fastlane"
52
Mon, 03-19-2007 - 11:50am

First off, I know the title of this thread is strange, but it's the best way I can sum up what I'm getting at.

Anyway, it's always seemed to me that women, especially younger ones (late teens/early twenties) are attracted to guys who lead fast-paced, exciting lifestyles. It's a lifestyle I'd like to lead. The problem is, I only have the foggiest idea of what that lifestyle looks like and I have no idea how to achieve it. I'm usually busy (my days are packed with either work or school) but whenever I have free time, I am more than willing to sacrifice a few days/nights of my work and school schedule.

So I guess what I'm trying to ask is, how can I develop my own "life in the fastlane"? Not only that, but how do I let other people who normally wouldn't know me know that I lead such a lifestyle so as to draw them to me?

Try to remember back when you were all 18 to 21 year old girls again. If you heard about how some guy spent his weekend, what would make you say, "wow, he sounds really cool. I want to hang out with that guy"?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 03-22-2007 - 1:07pm
Ah. Okay, thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:27pm

>>>Believe me, no matter what age you are women sense when you are trying to be someone you are not to fit in.<<<

That's why I don't want to "try" to be someone I am not. I want to actually "become" someone I am (currently) not. Why can't I do that?

>>>This spells to us "insecurity" and that's the biggest female deterant.<<<

Why? What does how confident a man is have anything to do with how good of a partner he will be? This is what frustrates me. Things most men don't care about when looking for a woman, women look for in men.

>>>So if you want to push women further away then be someone you are not.<<<

I don't know very many girls and no girls "really knows" me. How will they tell I'm being "someone I am not" when no girls know who I really am right now?

>>>You are WAY better off just being yourself and being patient.<<<

It hasn't worked for the first 20 years. Why should I expect it to work for the next 20?

>>>What is it that you like to do? Why not pick up a new hobby? Are there any "fastlane" hobbies you think you might like.<<<

I already ski and do rock climbing and mountain climbing, and a lot of hiking. I don't know what more I can do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:53pm

>>>Make friends with them of course. Find a way to ingraciate yourself into those circles. Once you are accepted, get contact info, stay in touch with them, organize nights out on the town. Invite a group to a sports bar to watch a game. If you don't know anyone who travels in those circles, you need to pick someone out and try to befriend them. If they are school chums, as before, invite them out to a game or to watch one at a sports bar. Join some clubs at school or offer to tutor or ask for a tutor. Do anything you can think of to become involved in social activities. Go to games alone if you must. Try your luck at making new friends there.<<<

I'll doing that, but about clubs, I've already tried going to campus clubs and there aren't particularly that many attractive girls there. Not that many attractive girls are into school or academic activities. Most of the people, girls included, enjoy going off campus to drink and smoke pot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 1:54pm

>>>I really think your misogyny shines through when you approach women, which is why you aren't having any luck.<<<

Why is that misogynistic?

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:02pm
Dude, you need to expand your social circle. Stop being so judgmental. Make friends, maybe those friends will introduce you to their friends. Eventually, you will have a nice pool of folks to pick and choose from when you want to get out of the dorms. The wisest thing you can do right now is befriend these so called unattractive girls on the campus scene . . . just because you aren't attracted to them doesn't mean you wouldn't be attracted to one or more of their friends. You dig?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:12pm
I already ski and do rock climbing and mountain climbing, and a lot of hiking. I don't know what more I can do.


You KEEP doing those things. You become what you like to do. Find ways to work stories about your skiing/rock climbing/mountain climbing adventures into conversations with women.
Do you have any funny stories about mishaps? Stories about overcoming bad weather? War stories about bumps, bruises, and other injuries? That's how you make conversation with people, that's how you develop your personality, and that's how you can get to know women.

As for your asking why women are turned off by insecurity, and commenting that "guys don't care about that" in women...that's not true. Granted, maybe the guys YOU know don't care, but most guys I know who are emotionally stable DO care about stuff like that.













iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:13pm

I have yet to see you post a healthy or positive thought about women.

You don't much like women, you just want to use them.

That is misogynistic.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:20pm

<<>>

Okay this is a big peeve of mine reading this post. Aren't you only 20??? Unless you were trying to wield chics at age 5 you've only been in the dating world for maybe TOPS the last 8 years and that's if you started young. Give it a chance. You haven't spent 20 years trying to pick up women and it's just been a futile attempt.

<<>

Actually men like confident women too, the only ones that go after the desperate ones are those that like to control their women. So you are rather mistaken on that comment. People who are confident are attractive because they can stand on their own two feet, they don't NEED a companion, they can do it on their own and they can take you or leave you. It's attractive. Someone that is desperately wanting to meet you, desperately wanting to date you, sleep with you, be close to you is SOOOOO NOT attractive even if they are a great person. Neediness is NOT attractive.

Smile,

Deirdre

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 2:20pm

>>>You don't much like women, you just want to use them.<<<

It's not that I don't like women. It's that I've met very few GIRLS (not adult women) who I genuinely liked, as in, I'd like to be in a serious relationship with her.

How on earth do I want to use them?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2006
Fri, 03-23-2007 - 3:49pm

>>>You KEEP doing those things. You become what you like to do. Find ways to work stories about your skiing/rock climbing/mountain climbing adventures into conversations with women. Do you have any funny stories about mishaps? Stories about overcoming bad weather? War stories about bumps, bruises, and other injuries? That's how you make conversation with people, that's how you develop your personality, and that's how you can get to know women.<<<

I understand, but like I said, my biggest obstacle is just starting a conversation with a girl. How do I get them to KNOW that I ski and do rock and mountain climbing? I can't just walk up to a girl who I don't know and say, "Hey, I ski and rock climb."

>>>As for your asking why women are turned off by insecurity, and commenting that "guys don't care about that" in women...that's not true. Granted, maybe the guys YOU know don't care, but most guys I know who are emotionally stable DO care about stuff like that.<<<

For serious relationships, yes, men want a confident woman. We don't want a girl who's so insecure she's going to become psychotically clingy as time goes on. But like I said, I just want to casually hook up. I want someone I can see just 1 night every 2 or 3 weeks or even just once and never again while I move onto someone else. For that, I couldn't care less about a girl's level of confidence, her intelligence, her personality, so why should it matter to her either?