Life is Hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Life is Hard
21
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 12:59pm

So yesterday I went to a marsh and wetlands to go bird watching and I met a man about my age.. Well? We were talking and hanging out and he was very smart and friendly and outgoing and very pleasant..

Before you guys get excited there was zero attraction to him and I kept thinking why couldnt he be someone I was attracted to and visa versa  or that old chemistry or whatever.. I guess he wouldnt mind being friends with me and that is fine but in the scheme of things I kept thinking why couldnt this be a match for both of us..

Probably if he were younger or thinner or whatever he wouldnt be attracted to me..

Now before you guys think I am shallow I probably would have liked him more if there were some sort of attraction and I kept thinking well maybe I could be attracted to him but I kept seeing zero chemistry..

why is life so hard??

thanks for listening,......................................

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Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 1:17pm
You know what my question is going to be: Did you see any birds? Ha!

That's the way the ball bounces, isn't it? You meet someone you seem to mesh really well with but there just isn't any chemistry.

Maybe you two can be friends . . . friends are good. Perhaps he can introduce you to a new set of people. That's always fun . . .
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 1:30pm

ha ha. love you girl.

yes; I saw lots of birds .. Its such a wonderful place and this guy was taking pics of the birds and all... It was a good day no matter what...

now  dont ask me what the birds were except I did recognize herons and ospreys and of course there is a huge poster board of what one might see but now I forgot what it said of course.

well I guess I could keep going birdwatching and see if I meet someone with some chemistry.. Hey; You never know (lol)...

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 11:19am

Well at least it's a new place to go & you never know who you might meet there.  But I get it--I'll start thinking that no one ever likes me & start feeling sorry for myself and that's when guys will start contacting me on OLD that are so totally opposite of what I want that I can't even consider them--if a guy was somewhat in the middle, I'd at least give him a chance, figuring that people could be better in real life, but these guys are so not what I want.  So it's not like no one wants me, it's that people I don't want are the ones who want me & then the ones I want don't want me--I think it's somewhat true for everybody & then I wonder how people ever get together! 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 11:29am

You are so right Music.. I mean there are so many variables that come into play like luck, age, being in right place at right time and then wanting to like someone and then there has to be the chemistry.. I mean it all sounds so impossible and one would have to be on a quest for the Holy Grail or that is what it feels like for me.... I mean so many things stacked up against us and the aging process (sorry) doesnt help..

I mean I know some younger guys who wouldnt even consider me because of  my age.. My sis's boyfriend who is 51 said he wont date someone who is older or even close to his age.. sis is 52 and he hesitated to date her but then gave in because I guess he is desperate and doesnt want to be alone.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 8:17pm

You know what's wierd about the age thing?  There are so many guys our age who seem so scared to date someone even 2 yrs older, but then there are the younger guys who'll date a woman a lot older--does that really make sense?  I mean we're not talking about JLo here--it's kind of obvious why she gets that really young guy, but I'm talking about regular women who can get a guy 10-15 yrs younger--where are those guys?  I'd like one.  lol  Or then I figure well, if the guys my age want someone younger, why don't I get an older man who thinks I'm the hot younger woman?  A couple of my friends married older guys (we're talking recent marriages) and they seem pretty happy--but then the older guys don't contact me either.  There is an older guy in my dance class who I started thinking about--he has called me "dear" a couple of times & I'm wondering if it's like romantic or like he thinks he's my uncle or something. lol  But when I unexpectedly saw him at a dance, he did kiss me on the cheek when he saw me--still can't tell about that either.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 9:28pm

Music, I find the age thing weird as well.  I have always found that I get OLD responses from men who are way younger or way older.  Honestly, I really want someone around my own age.  I'll go up to ten years older if they are in decent shape, but even the men my age are not in good shape.

I am living in a new area (I travel in my work) and put an ad on Craigslist.  I find that men from all walks of life read CL.  Well, I met a gentleman last evening for a drink.  He is ten years older, very accomplished and a great conversationalist, but just looked soooo old.  Zero chemistry.  For anyone familiar with Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont (who I admire very much), he looked a lot like him.  Fortunately, he is a gentleman and sensed that I was not romantically interested and is willing to hang out as friends.  I find that rare.

Like many over 35-40 here, I find that OLD is the only way I actually meet men to date.  I have tried everything IRL to no avail.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 9:29pm

Wow, free, from what you have described, your sister's BF hardly sounds like a winner.  Amazing that he would be so picky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 8:23am

well? The boyfriend shouldnt be so picky but I am assuming that men at that age can be picky because they can date women who are younger or older and we know there are plenty of women in that age category.. The boyfriend is okay but very very passive..So I dont know if I could deal with such a passive guy.. but then again does that make me picky......................

As far as CL you were brave to do that and heck why not?? I know there must be someone out there for all of us but finding them and then having the chemistry is the challenging part.. I mean how many dates and parties and single events and OLD must one do to find someone.. ?

 

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:06am

My brother is 45 and is dating a 49 year old.  Once they became exclusive, it came out that his daughter's weren't happy with the age difference.  They actually told him that he could do better.  I was mildly amused by this because their own mother is 4 years his senior and they were married for 20 years.  It could have been the fact that she looks her age (their mother gets botox & fillers which, is fine but they don't know what a normal 50 year old looks like close-up) and their dad looks closer to forty. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:07am

That's the really sad thing in our society.  It's like men feel they "deserve" a much younger woman, regardless of whether they themselves are a prize. If more people would just date closer to their own age, I don't think that we would have this horrible imbalance in the dating world.

And I think over 10 years is too big of an age difference.  It's a generation, basically. Like my niece's friend, who is 35, and engaged to a 51 year old.  He is a surgeon and looks pretty good now.  I just wonder how good he will look to her when he's 70 and she is 54? And of course, if he wasn't a high earner I doubt she would have given him a second look.  And yes, I know I am sour grapes, and I am not proud of myself.  It's just so hard when the few men my age in decent shape want to date younger. That leaves me with the 60+ crowd, and I don't want to do that.  Of course, I have seen a few men in that age range that are hot, but they are always married.

As far as CL,  I had some very thoughtful responses.  Of course, I got one nastygram from a guy who presumed he didn't have a chance with me and wanted to bring me down a couple of notches.  Heck, if he had just contacted me in a friendly manner, who knows what would have happened. 

My money is kind of tight right now, so I don't want to spend it on a paid site.  And you kind find jerks on any site, just like IRL.

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