Life is Hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Life is Hard
21
Thu, 09-13-2012 - 12:59pm

So yesterday I went to a marsh and wetlands to go bird watching and I met a man about my age.. Well? We were talking and hanging out and he was very smart and friendly and outgoing and very pleasant..

Before you guys get excited there was zero attraction to him and I kept thinking why couldnt he be someone I was attracted to and visa versa  or that old chemistry or whatever.. I guess he wouldnt mind being friends with me and that is fine but in the scheme of things I kept thinking why couldnt this be a match for both of us..

Probably if he were younger or thinner or whatever he wouldnt be attracted to me..

Now before you guys think I am shallow I probably would have liked him more if there were some sort of attraction and I kept thinking well maybe I could be attracted to him but I kept seeing zero chemistry..

why is life so hard??

thanks for listening,......................................

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 09-18-2012 - 10:07pm

well actually I would have to agree with you somewhat but that isnt the hardest thing in my life..  ha ha but that is another very long story.. As Byron katie says who are we without our stories...............

My whole life story would take up a lifetime movie because at 58 years old man do I have a whopper of a story to tell.. It truly would be a good movie.and would be pretty interesting...............

Yeah; I will try and stay friends with him if I can find him again.. He gave me his email address but it doesnt seem to be working...

Maybe I will run into him again...............

Hey; stick around and hang out and let us know about you and your story.. We would love to share..........

take care

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 9:57pm

Only two:  Jim Brolin and Barbra Streisand, Ted Danson and Mary Steenbergen.  That's about it!  LOL

Oh, and Patrick Duffy from Dallas, who I have always liked, married a woman ten years his senior, and has stayed married.  Of course, both were younger when they met.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 12:05pm

In a way, I think the 30's are a hard time for finding single guys.  In your 20's there are plenty of single guys--then it's like late 20's, early 30's a lot of guys who have had GFs are starting to get married.  The ones who are 35 and single might be the ones who are avoiding marriage.  then by the time you're in your 40's you start to get the 2nd round of guys who are single *again* cause they got divorced.  I got divorced when I was around 40 and started doing OLD a couple of years later and there were quite a few guys but the majority of them were divorced, instead of never married.  Now I'm in my 50's and I was surprised at looking on OLD to see how many guys my age are widowed--you don't think that there are that many young people dying.  That's another issue to deal with.  But my 23 yr old DD was telling me last night that most of her friends are in serious relationships & a lot are living with their BFs--but not many are engaged.  When I was that age, a lot of my friends were getting married right out of college because living together wasn't that acceptable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 12:01pm

When I signed onto AOL today one of the headline articles was "Jim Carrey's new girlfriend is half his age."  I didn't bother to read it, but my reaction was "is that surprising?"  I think it's more of a surprise when a middle aged celebrity guy dates a guy his own age--can you think of any offhand?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2012
In reply to: rubysat
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 6:19am
csmithrn28, same here! I am 35, and just have to wonder where all the single men my age are? It does not help working with women only, which also was the problem in my studies. That is tourism for ya! In my choir the men my age are already attached and so I am still at square one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 8:58pm

Yes, let us know.  I had a couple of others who seemed interesting in email, but dropped off.  It's ok.

Re Paul McCartney and Nancy Shevell:  She seems like a lovely woman, who is far more classy than Heather Mills.  Still, she is only one year older than I am.  I adore Paul, especially for everything he contributed to the music world.  But I don't want to be with any man that is that much older than me--for Nancy, 18 years. At least I don't think she is dumb enough to try to have a baby somehow.  What is it with these celebrities who think they always have to have a freaking baby when they get together, no matter how old they are?  I understand if you are early 40s or less, but not after that.  Of course, with money, you can buy just about anything, including eggs and sperm.

 

Oh, and relating to Kraft, I have found that the second wife has to be a trophy, whether the guy is widowed or divorced.  In most cases.  Almost like the first wife gets a pass but the second one doesn't, in terms of looks, youth, etc. Yeah, I know I am cynical.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 12:29pm

I always wonder if these older wealthy guys know that the woman may be partly going out with them for their money and just figure it's part of the deal and don't mind since they are also getting what they want.  I am going to be watching the Patriots soon so I'm just thinking of the owner, Bob Kraft, who was widowed last year--from all accounts very devoted to his late wife, who was around his age.  So now he's 70 and he's dating a 30 yr old who's cute but a very part time actress, doesn't exactly seem accomplished at anything.  I think it's a different story from Paul McCartney's new wife who is 20 yrs younger than he is but she had a career and while she's attractive, she's not a model.  But it does make it very difficult for us 50ish women cause I really don't want to date a guy who is 70 and most guys who are 70 are going to be retired & living on Social Security or maybe a pension.  So I'll be working full time for at least 10 more years--how would that work out?  Would he be happy waiting to be able to see me in my limited free time?  And I know people can and do fall in love with someone who is not in their age group but generally I think that people do have more in common with someone within 5 yrs or so of their age.  I remember being in law school & talking about President Kennedy's death & where we were--well I was in first grade but a classmate of mine had gone to law school after already having a PHD and doing other stuff so she was talking about being in college--but I guess I had never thought about the fact that we had a big age difference and what that meant.  But I could imagine a guy my age talking about Kennedy's death to this younger woman and her reminding him that she wasn't born yet.  lol

Oh I haven't been doing OLD at all but I'm still on POF & I emailed 2 guys yesterday.  They are both musically inclined--one is a music teacher--and of course I am musical.  The music teacher said he likes women who like to read a lot--that would be me.  The other guy mentioned that he likes swing dancing--I am a good swing dancer.  So I pick guys who I think have common interests.  Do I expect to hear back from either one?  Probably not--but I'll let you guys know if a miracle happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:30am

I would have to agree with you guys.

Glean. I always look at CL but I am so afraid to write to someone. Do you post a pic or wait until they contact you.?

It would kind of narrow down the folks because I dont th ink alot of people do that on CL?  Not that I am afraid but it just seems there are more weirdos on there.. yes; there are weirdos all over the place so you are right what does it matter.

Oh; on another note.. There was this guy who lives across the street and down a few houses. He is about 60ish. overweight and all but I became friendly with him but he never gave me the right time of day. he didnt even know where I lived?? anyway one day I see him outside of his house  kissing some chubby blonde bimbo (sorry)  with huge boobs. I was like okay ,. that is what some  men want.. (lol)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:07am

That's the really sad thing in our society.  It's like men feel they "deserve" a much younger woman, regardless of whether they themselves are a prize. If more people would just date closer to their own age, I don't think that we would have this horrible imbalance in the dating world.

And I think over 10 years is too big of an age difference.  It's a generation, basically. Like my niece's friend, who is 35, and engaged to a 51 year old.  He is a surgeon and looks pretty good now.  I just wonder how good he will look to her when he's 70 and she is 54? And of course, if he wasn't a high earner I doubt she would have given him a second look.  And yes, I know I am sour grapes, and I am not proud of myself.  It's just so hard when the few men my age in decent shape want to date younger. That leaves me with the 60+ crowd, and I don't want to do that.  Of course, I have seen a few men in that age range that are hot, but they are always married.

As far as CL,  I had some very thoughtful responses.  Of course, I got one nastygram from a guy who presumed he didn't have a chance with me and wanted to bring me down a couple of notches.  Heck, if he had just contacted me in a friendly manner, who knows what would have happened. 

My money is kind of tight right now, so I don't want to spend it on a paid site.  And you kind find jerks on any site, just like IRL.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: cfk_3
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:06am

My brother is 45 and is dating a 49 year old.  Once they became exclusive, it came out that his daughter's weren't happy with the age difference.  They actually told him that he could do better.  I was mildly amused by this because their own mother is 4 years his senior and they were married for 20 years.  It could have been the fact that she looks her age (their mother gets botox & fillers which, is fine but they don't know what a normal 50 year old looks like close-up) and their dad looks closer to forty. 

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