The List

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
The List
16
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 2:42pm

OK - I've decided to help singles who are looking to be proactive. We all know Mr. or Ms. right isn't just going to come waltzing through the living room.

If you are single and aren't happy about that, then you need to actively look.

So let's start a list of WHERE to look. No discussion. No arguing. Just a list.

I'll start.

On line dating.
Tell friends you are looking and want to be fixed up.
Speed dating.
Hire a professional matchmaker.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:03pm
No offense - and not trying to start an argument but.... I'm pretty sure we already know the methods to meet men. I don't think anyone here can honestly say they haven't at least thought of trying most of those things. And just because we are single and unhappy about it and like to vent our frustrations here doesn't mean we aren't already being proactive! I, personally, have tried online dating, asking friends for setups and even volunteering with a singles group. I've met TONS of men but that doesn't secure the end of my singlehood! Even meeting a "good" man doesn't guarantee anything! You still have to get into a relationship, get to know each other, hope that he sticks around, wants to committ and get married and have kids...blah blah blah. I find it very hard to believe that any of the women on here who are whining and complaining (lol) about being single aren't already BEING PROACTIVE in finding a mate!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:24pm

Then explain why we see "where to meet a good guy" threads all the time?

Do you have anything productive to add?


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:47pm

You see the threads entitled "Where to meet good guys" on here alot because the women that are proactive and looking are often frustrated, discouraged and let down by what they are finding. We all know there are a lot of duds out there and somedays it seems like we've dated every single one of them!

We all know HOW to meet someone, but the hard part is being open to 'new' ways of meeting people, being open to the possiblity of something new and to keep trudging through the discouragement when you can't seem to find a guy that fits you.

You also have to keep in mind this is a Singles message board and we often come here to vent, complain, whine and gain support from others in similar situations. It's not always our finest hour when we're here and we're not always being the most rational! You also have to consider that it's entirely possible that those who truly love being single and don't mind their single status one bit probably aren't posting, or posting as much - but there are some of us on here.

Some people who aren't looking post these types of threads for new and creative ideas, not the basic ones like you recommended. And some who post just aren't ready to find someone and therefore haven't...they want someone but there's still some work to be done on the inside.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 3:55pm

<<>>

Which is why I almost do nothing but lurk here anymore. It used to be a fun board. I mean, see what happens - I try to start a postitive thread that may actually help someone, and it turns into yet another gripe fest. Why am I not surprised?

<<>>

Well gee - that would be why I asked people to add to the list.

<<>>

Umm, yeah. My OP was directed at people who ARE looking but maybe need suggestions on where to look. Did you read it?


iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2006
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 4:08pm

<>

I couldn't agree more!

But to add to your list, sometimes letting thing happen naturally helps also. That's what I did after giving up. Basically, I think you've summed it all up nicely! My addition would fall into after you've tried everything else! ;-)




Edited 12/13/2006 4:14 pm ET by ivil_mami25
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2005
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 4:50pm

Your original post just came off as a bit condescending towards those who have come here to vent or even those who came seeking advice.

"No discussion. No arguing"

It's a message board, there's discussion, so you can't tell people no to discuss. No arguing, my guess is you meant 'arguing' as in discussing the negative AND positive points of each way to meet someone. I think it's cool to discuss the good and the bad...actually I think it's smart.

I agree that sometimes the negative posts are redundant but then I think to myself "these women are seeking advice and I've been there before and understand completely so I'm going to help if I can". I think more postive posts would be great...but sometimes the most positive postings are in response to a negative one so you just have to read through!

I think a neat post would be "The most creative/unsual place you've found a date", not only does it give other posters ideas and helps them think outside the box but it's fun!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 6:15pm

Just wanted to add something positive to your post, since I know that you wanted to start this for something positive. I understand (believe me) the need to vent and what not when it's difficult finding someone because it is hard but the main things I wanted to add that are positive are: (not necessarily related on WHERE to find someone but things to help out when you are frustrated about single life)

Don't give up faith or hope, keep this faith and repeat the positive affirmations to yourelf

Try things in baby steps. Smile at the guy you see at the grocery store that you think is cute. It may not lead to getting a date but it helps you practice building your confidence to maybe find the nerve to talk to someone you think seems interesting or cute (I know very tough but smiling is a good small step)

Join meetup groups with people that share a common enjoyed activity so you are not going just for the soul purpose of meeting someone

Me and my friends had a "friend of a friend" party for single people and the single people would bring a single friend of theirs. Pass the word around to people at work and have them bring their friends.

To everyone: It is very hard and the dating world does suck for the most part I think that we can all agree with that. But I just want to do my best to give a tiny bit of hope to everyone. I know that I had a year and a half straight of frustrations, pulling my hair out, crying and venting over dating and I did end up finding someone great and I was really beyond frustrated with online dating and in the process of giving up on it for the rest of the year and that's when I met the man I'm with online. So, I know that if I can find someone good after all the BS then I know the rest of you can. I'm not here to sugar coat anything because it's not easy and like sisfox said for a lot of people it does take a lot of trials and errors and being proactive and for some it's not only 20 dates but 50 dates before they find someone worthwhile. But that's what makes finding someone special worth the wait and frustrations. I'm wishing everyone good luck with things and it's not a matter of IF you'll find it, it's only a matter of WHEN

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 6:54pm
I don't think sisfox meant to come across as condescending, or that she's saying no one can come on here and vent.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: sisfox
Wed, 12-13-2006 - 8:49pm

Church
Dog Park
Volunteer organizations
Sporting events (or join a team)
Museum
Art Gallery
Book Store
Wine tastings
AA meetings
Hiking Club
Biking Club
Strip Club
Narcotics Anonymous
Parole Office




Edited 12/13/2006 8:56 pm ET by bbw_26
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2006
In reply to: sisfox
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 1:36am

hahahahaha
looooove AA, NA, strip club and parole office...

But anyway, I am sorry guys because I was not really trying to re-initiate an argument - it just honestly did feel a little like a slap in the face after that whole ordeal with the other thread. Maybe it was just that it came so soon after that other thread or the attitude that seemed to go along with it - I don't know...perhaps I misinterpreted and I'm sorry! And unfortunately, no I don't have anything meaningful to contribute ;)

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