Listing of good things about single life
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| Sun, 11-13-2005 - 10:42am |
I am newly single, (6 days), after a 2 year relationship. I am stuggling to mend my heart and soul. I need you all to help me create a list of fabulous things about being single so I can focus on that instead of the mental list of the fabulous things I think I might have lost.
I'll start the list. I can hang out and party with my girlfriends again. Although my ex never stopped me, I had to limit the girl time because I felt guilty, like I was abandoning him, if I did it too often. Once a month was it.
The other bad thing about having the girls night out when I was in the relationship was he would want a boys night out for himself. While girls night out only meant trying a new restaurant or seeing a show, boys night out meant strip clubs and other not so innocent activity. He said guys don't have activities that don't involve womanizing so it shouldn't bother me but I always got the sense that he was letting me know he could easily move on. I felt like he was putting me on notice.
Now I go out with no nagging worries in the back of mind.
What is on your list?

You wrote: "He said guys don't have activities that don't involve womanizing..."
Huh. Sounds like you're better off without a guy like this. That should be on your list.
My list (so far):
1)i can listen to my music all the time, whenever i want. I can play it loud, quiet, while watching tv, while eating breakfast- i don't have to "share" the music anymore and don't have to worry about bothering someone else.
2) I can go to bed at 10:30 and not have to feel like a party-pooper. My ex used to stay up a lot later than me, so i'd close the bedroom door and he'd be up watching tv and writing. I'd fall asleep feeling kind of lonely. Now, while i sleep alone, at least i'm more comfortable and don't have anyone sitting on the other side of my door watching tv.
3) I can leave dishes in my sink and let them pile up without feeling guilty (albeit i feel slovenly doing so, but that's a whole other issue)
4) I can stay in or go out based on my own desires and needs. If I'm tired and don't want to go out, i know i'm not really letting anyone down (other than my friends who want me to come out). And, often my ex didn't feel like going out a lot, so i'd stay in to spend time with him, which i enjoyed but kind of missed out on some more wilder college days/nights. Now, i can go out more often and meet more people.
5) While in my relationship I was constantly wondering about other men and felt that there must be someone out there that's more suited to me. But being in a relationship, I couldn't really act on anything- felt guilty flirting and of course was not about to cheat or do anything like that. Now that i'm single, while it gets lonely, I still have this feeling that there is someone out there that's right for me and i may have to wait for awhile, at least I am free to be out there, trying to meet more people and maybe meet a good man.
I feel very liberated these days and am hoping that the more time i spend being single, the better i'll feel. These first 2 months have been hard, but i think once i really embrace more great things about being single, then i can really start to enjoy it and enjoy this time in my life :)
My list:
- I can watch my British comedies on TV without someone teasing me about it
- I can sleep smack dab in the middle of my bed and use both pillows
- I don't have to feel guilty about having a lazy Saturday if I want to
- I go out more and do the things I like, from trying new restaurants to singing to seeing live jazz -- all things my ex never really wanted to do
- I have made so many more friends while being single again. My ex wasn't very social, and I never realized that I fell into HIS pattern of not going out and meeting new people. I am naturally pretty social and like people, and it's been so fun to reconnect with people again.
- I can just be. Although I am social, I am also naturally quiet and introspective and need an occasional evening to myself. It's nice to not HAVE to talk to someone all the time. I do get lonely, but I have learned to enjoy my own company again and LOVE MYSELF again. That was HUGE for me after my breakup.
- and the number ONE reason I enjoy it: I was with the wrong person for way too long. I loved him dearly, but ultimately he didn't give me what I needed. So, being single and available means, as my best friend says, "I am one day closer to meeting the right guy." I am so excited to meet the one who will meet my needs, and vice versa, and I am enjoying my life in the meantime.
You will get there, too. Hang in there.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
One of the most encouraging things anyone ever said to me about a break up was that you may not feel like you know much about what you want right now but you know what you don't want. It sounds a little simple but it really is true. A part of your life has been defined for you and if you can find a way to be thankful for that, you will get through these hard days.
Being single can be satisfying for endless reasons, but making an effort to be content with your life as it is right now is worth the time and work it may take to get there.
He said guys don't have activities that don't involve womanizing - Reason # 1,235,958 that I'm happy when I'm single.
By the way, he was lying through his teeth...ever heard of poker? Or a football game? Or Fishing? Or Hunting? Or a million other things, he could have done with his buddies that didn't include other women?
Other than that:
I can eat popcorn and icecream for dinner if I feel like it with no-one complaining.
I can sleep late in the mornings with only my cats to complain.
I can watch whatever I want on TV.
I can play a video game without having someone tell me what I'm doing wrong.
I don't have to shave my legs every day if I don't feel like it.
I can dance around the apartment singing along with the most horrid of music and no one complains. (And with my singing, trust me someone should complain)
I can have a girls night out and not have to clear it with anyone.
I can see my male friends that I've had forever without being made to feel guilty.
I can go out and buy myself whatever I can afford (shoes, clothes, movies, etc) without having someone hound me about it.
I can take an hour and take a bubble bath without being rushed out of the only bathroom in the apartment.
I only have to clean up after myself...well the cats too I guess but they don't make as much mess as a man.
In relation to that, I only have to do my own laundry. (Yes I am a sucker.)
I'm sure there are several other small pleasures that I'm forgetting.
I found myself in the same situation a couple months ago. I was with my ex for a year, and while he is a decent guy we weren't meeting each other's needs. And the relationship was long distance so most of the time I felt like I was single, even though I wasn't. So I guess the biggest plus for me now is I AM single and can enjoy it! I also definitely learned more about what I do need from a relationship, as well as what I don't want from one. And I can look for that when I'm ready to try again with someone else.
Veena :-)
- you'll have more time to work on improving yourself and doing the things you've always wanted to do but never really got around to doing.
- you can save a lot more money (going out and paying for the both of you and one less person to shop for on special ocassions and holidays)
- you can expose yourself to a bunch of different men and find out what it is you really want and look for in a partner.
- knowing that you are one step closer to finding the man of your dreams by breaking up with your last bf. it just takes patience.