Living alone
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| Tue, 12-13-2005 - 11:41am |
I have to know when everyone started living completely alone. Not when you left your parents but when you got your first place completely by yourself and how you handled it?
I have always lived with someone else, be it a boyfriend or a roommate and on January 12th, I will be living alone for the very first time in my life and it's kind of scary and exciting. I get to decorate however I want to. I can make a mess and know that it's my mess and I don't have to do anyone else's laundry. I can leave my underwear in the kitchen if I so choose.
But will I be lonely? What if I need someone to talk to and it's 2 am? What if I get scared and I need someone to comfort me? What do you do then? What if I'm bored and want some company, but there's no one there?
What are the things that you love best about living alone?
And the things that you hate?
~Chloe


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I started living completely on my own (no roommates or anything) in 1997, 2 years after graduating college. Until then, I had roommates. I had a lot of the same worries that you do but I actually love living alone. There are moments where I wish that someone were there, but not often.
You might find that you are lonely at first. Make sure that you have friends and/or family that you can call and chat with when you start feeling lonely. After awhile, you may really come to like having a place all to yourself. I do.
If I want to make popcorn in the middle of the night, I can. I can dance around to the Jackson Five in my underwear while I clean my apartment. I can put as many girly smelling candles around as I want. I clean when I want and I decorate the way that I like. I can have friends and lovers over when it pleases me and not have to worry about waking up someone else or, for that matter, having to reveal all of my flings to anyone. I really enjoy living alone. In fact, sometimes I think that I enjoy it too much and worry what will happen when I meet a man and want to get married.
As for the down sides, the biggest one for me is that I hate living alone when I am sick. It really upsets me that there is nobody to take care of me. Friends and family always offer to come over but I have a 1 bedroom apartment with nowhere for guests to sleep. I also wish that I had someone else to cook for - cooking for one is not enjoyable for me. Someone to share the household chores would be nice, too. Lastly, I have to get someone to watch my cats when I leave town which is for a week each month in the spring.
Congrats on getting your own place for the first time - that's really exciting!
I lived alone when my live-in boyfriend moved out last year, and I lived totally
I just recently moved from my homestate to Chicago and left behind all my family and friends in the process. I didnt know anybody at all and everybody is 2 flights or 12 hour drive away.
Scary!! But needing to start graduate school, it was necessary. This is the first time I have been alone and sometimes I like it and sometimes I hate it (there is nothing about it that I love). I like having my own space and to do whatever I want with it.
But I am very lonely at times. The friends I have made at school are still more school acquaintances than social buddies or friends outside of class. Its frustrating but I knew this would happen because I make friends VERRRRY SLOWLY.
I dealt with it by calling home once a week to my parents and maybe to my grandparents as well. I also wrote letters to my grandparents at least once every two weeks. And my friends are still on MSN messenger so I keep in contact with them that way. I've learned to be pretty self-sufficient and figure out my own entertainment. With grad school though, its been mostly about work and studying but I've also done other things like shopping alone, figuring out the transportation thing, and even going into a bar alone.
Its not an easy transition but if you have a support system, you'll make it.
Rubyshoes
Wow. It just struck me - I'm 40 years old and have never lived alone.
From home to an apartment outside Philly (with roomies), where I campaigned horses for a year, then to college, with roomies. When I lived in NC, I had roomies, when I lived in NJ, I had roomies.
Then I moved home to start my own business and lived with my parents, got pregnant, had my son. Lived with the folks until son was a bit older, then went to an apartment, but of course had my son living with me...bought a house and had periodic room mates as well as my son.
Sold my house to move back in with my mom so she wouldn't have to go into a nursing home.
I won't be on my own until DS leaves the nest and mom goes into a home.
And yes, I'm ready for the tranquility. In fact, I'm looking at house plans for a bitty cedar house - really a hunting box - about 900 square feet - basically just a Great Room and a loft.
I have lived alone for the better part of 8 years, with one year in the middle with roomies to save money.
Mostly, I really like it, but I have been getting lonely a lot more lately than I used to. I think it's just because I am really and truly ready to share my space and life with another person.
I feel really glad that I have lived alone, because: It gave me a chance to truly spend time with myself and know myself; prove to myself that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself emotionally and financially; it made me feel stronger (living alone, you have to get over some fears that you can't address when others are around -- i.e. fears of people breaking in, etc); and it's forced me to leave my own four walls in order to go out and meet new people. With roommates, it's too easy to let them become your source of a social life.
Good luck and enjoy it. There are many benefits.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
The first time I lived completely alone was right after college, in NYC, so I was 21, I guess. I rented a cheap studio in a BAD neighborhood (it was all I could afford!) but I really wanted to live in Manhattan and I didn't want to have a roommate if I could avoid it. After about 2 years though, I gave in and moved into a nicer place with a roommate. I had roommates, a husband and/or a live-in BF from then (1982) until 1997, when my last LT bf moved out. I've lived alone ever since and I *LOVE*, love, love it!
There's nothing I hate about it. If I need company, I call someone up and make plans. I have a pretty busy social life, so a lot of times, I'm HAPPY to be home alone for an evening. I rarely get bored with my own company. If I need comfort at 2 AM, I force my cat to sit or lie down with me so I can pet her ;-). My home is my refuge and sanctuary.
Sheri
Great question!
I was living with bfs and roommates for years too- but finally got my OWN place about 8 months ago. I love it!!
It does get lonely, but it's also totally me. Unfortunately i suck at doing dishes, so my kitchen sink really needs some attention. But, at night I can watch tv in bed AND listen to music, or turn everything off and meditate in my livingroom, with total privacy.
I go to the bathroom with my door open, walk around completely naked quite often and hmm, what else. Well, those are the good things. The bad things- i miss having a warm body in bed with me. And someone to talk to and visit with, cook with/for, hug, shower with, all that good stuff.
If I want company and there's noone there, i phone a friend and talk. Or go online and see if anyone is on MSN. Which i admit i've been doing too much of lately.
I have to know when everyone started living completely alone.>>
Probably at age 19.
What if I need someone to talk to and it's 2 am?>>
You can always talk to God - or nowadays you can get online and chat with people in a chatroom.
What if I get scared and I need someone to comfort me?>>
You learn to sweat it out or distract yourself.
What if I'm bored and want some company, but there's no one there?>>
You can invite someone over and go out and be amongst people.
What are the things that you love best about living alone?>>
Not having to put up with someone else's bad/conflicting decorating tastes. Privacy. Knowing that everything I left in the fridge will still be there when I get home. Not having to deal with someone else's messes.
And the things that you hate?>>
Hearing noises and feeling scared in the middle of the night. Not having someone to spontaneously go to dinner or a movie with (most people I know don't live nearby or have families and are busy). Not having someone to help with cleaning and yardwork.
Iri
I was 21, so that would be about 7-8 years ago.
***how much of my hair falls out onto the bathroom floor***
I am constantly amazed by how much of my hair falls out. I have a very full head of hair (it's soft and shiny and one of my best attributes) but you would think that I am bald by looking at my bathroom and hairbrushes. Seriously. My sister and mother are the same way and we all have a ton of hair. It's very odd.
I had one really bad Single White Female roommate situation. She was a complete psycho and used to yell at her boyfriend and have these ridiculous fights with him all of the time (and she was almost always in the wrong). Once I heard a crash in the kitchen and went in there to find that she had thrown a coffee mug full of orange juice across the kitchen and stormed out without cleaning it up. I had potatoes boiling on the stove that ended up tasting like oranges. I left the mess for her to clean up.
Safety was always an issue for me. My old apartment was a nice vintage place but I was always coming and going by myself. When I started looking at condos, I primarily concentrated on high rise buildings because they all have doormen. Not only do I feel safer when I come home late by myself, there is a familiar and smiling face to greet me. It makes a huge difference. Plus, I really like my 3 closest neighbors and that helps.
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