Lonely

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
Lonely
5
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 7:59pm
Any advice would be appreciated.

Two months ago I called off my October wedding. I had several good reasons, and am not regretting it. We had been together for 10 & 1/2 years. He's the only person I've ever been with, starting at 15 years old.

My problem now, which just started this past week, is that I am so incredibly lonely. I can't stop crying and I don't want to be lonely anymore.

I have not started dating yet because I have a problem in that area. I have never ever dated anyone (except for my ex). I am an extremely shy person, I have trouble starting up conversations unless I know that person really well. There have been a few opportunities where I could have started dating, but I screw it up. I am so very scared. I show that guy that I'm interested, then before we can even go out, I freak and don't speak to him again. I think I'm probably coming across as a tease. I do not want that to be like that at all, and I'm afraid that I am. I am so so scared. I don't know why I freak out like that and I don't know how to stop it.

Again, any advice is appreciated...

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 9:11pm
I wouldn't worry about dating right now. Ten and a half years is a LONG time to be with someone. If you started dating now, you'd just be looking for someone to replace him, and that wouldn't be fair to the poor, unsuspecting guy.

Give yourself some time to get over him. Let yourself cry b/c I'm sure you need that right now. To help with the loneliness, find something besides a guy to take up your time. Join a club, volunteer, or take a class that you wouldn't have had time for when he was in the picture. You need to let yourself heal before you let anyone else into your heart.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Sun, 05-04-2003 - 11:11pm
Find a good therapist - and I am very sorry you are going through this - had a similar experience (called off a wedding, 6 weeks prior, in 1997)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:09am
do you have friends that you could spend time with when you're feeling lonely?


unless you're overtly implying sexual contact with someone, you shouldn't worry about being a tease...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:16am
Hey, that was a big deal!! Give yourself a break!

If you need to take it slow - date for the company - just be honest. "I'm not ready for a r/ship but I could use the company." My cousin was out watching videos and hanging out with a woman like that last night :)

I would think after being in a r/ship for 10 yrs, that this must be very difficult. You sound like you are doing pretty well on your own - congratulations! But if you need someone to talk to, getting a counsellor as Deena suggested may not be a bad idea. Unload on someone - you need to release things.

Good luck and welcome to the board. Feel free to share with us when you need to!

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2003
In reply to: salsa03
Mon, 05-05-2003 - 10:45am
Thank you everyone for your advice.

I am thinking about getting a counselor. And I think maybe your right about trying new activites and being honest would be very helpful.

Thanks again!