Looks vs. Personality

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2005
Looks vs. Personality
8
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 5:50pm

Hi Everyone -- i have to say reading posts of other ppl have really helped me personally in some situations that i have been in..thank you all for your insights!!

so here goes...

i just celebrated my 30th birthday in December and needless to say the clock is ticking and i have found nothing but hard times relationshipwise...

i agreed to be set up by a friend of my family recently ..she said there was this guy he was sucessfull and attractive and a great person that i may be interested in..neway.. i agreed that he could call me and i'd meet him if it came to that.

so he called.. and we talked 2 times on the phone..both times the convo was easy and lasted for 2 HOURS!!

so he asked / i agreed and saturday night i met him for a blind date.

first impression -- not so hot.. he kind of looks like.. Eugene Levy..yes folks the dad from American Pie.. and of course Ferris Bueller's teacher.. loll.. anyway.. we had dinner and i kept optimistic..I will say that his personality is sparkling..!!! he was funny and is smart .. we do get along..

I guess my question here is age old -- do looks win over personality???? would it be wrong and shallow if i stop seeing him because of the way he looks...??? or should i put that aside bc a personality is what really matters after all??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2005
Sun, 03-12-2006 - 7:00pm

I think you know the answer to this. If you really think his personality is sparkling, then that says it all! Yes, maybe he's not initially attractive to you- but give him a few more dates.

In my past, there have been quite a few guys where when i met them they didn't strike me as attractive by any means. After becoming friends though and getting to know them, i usually discovered that I was suddenly very attracted to them.

My point here is maybe you don't find him physically attractive right off the bat, but maybe when you get around to the first kiss that will change your mind! Maybe there will be that physical spark there after you spend some more time with him. And since he sounds like a great conversationalist, I bet your future dates won't be boring at all!

If after time you aren't attracted to him sexually, then well, jump off that bridge when you come to it. In the meantime, i think you should give him a chance.

and oh, ps, Eugene Levy didn't play Ferris Bueller's teacher- that was Ben Stein.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 8:31am

Looks are definitely important but personality will ultimately prevail. Even if you dated the hottest man on earth you would soon lose interest if he was uninteresting. I need mental stimulation just as much as physical, sometimes more.

I think it’s important to try and reach a happy medium between looks and personality. I dated an emotionally abusive woman simply because she was absolutely stunning. It took a few months but eventually her ‘ugly’ personality became so overwhelming that I was less and less attracted to her in every sense of the word.

If you think there is no way you could ever find him attractive then perhaps you are better off being just his friend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-13-2006 - 11:01am

Looks fade over time. They are important no doubt, but personality is forever.

Rubyshoes

Photobucket


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sat, 03-18-2006 - 12:12pm

I think you should try to go on a couple more dates with him and see how your feelings go from there...

I'm taking this advice from my therapist and applying it to my current dating situation as well. I'm not physically attracted to the guy I'm seeing (and I've only agreed to meet him twice - short dates), even though he seems genuinely attentive, caring, entertaining, witty, and intellectually compatible with me... Well, I'll give it 4 or 5 more serious dates and see what will happen.

Keep us posted on how things go. You never know. You might still find him unattractive after the 10th date, and that's okay. But at least you know you've given it your best shot and won't regret it later...

Best wishes,
icuryy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 9:29am

For me the look usually win in the beginning, like when you see someone and decide to go talk with them or not, usually based on if you are attracted to them. But once you really get to know someone I think the personality will win every time. I know that some of my ex boyfriends became more and more attractive after I got to know them better.

So for you situation since you didn't get to see him first but you seem to be hitting it of conversation wise - I'd at least give it a little time and see how you feel, then if you don't feel that you are more attracted to him and there's no chemistry then move on.

Trina

-*~*- Trina -*~*-

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 10:55am

I've been struggling with this one myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2005
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 8:38pm

Hi everyone..thanks for ur advice..

i have decided to at least go on a second date.. we talked again today and the convo lasted an hour and was only cut short bc he had company. .

i have decided looks ARE definitley important to me..but it is far from being the ONLY thing i look for in someone... there are SO many other factors to a partner..

i actually was reading a novel and one interesting quote --- "your match is not always ur mate.. you may often meet someone that would be a good mate .. but that person may not always be a match....." there is some truth there..

i think bc he and i had these really good convos and his personality was amazing i secretly was hoping i'd hit the jackpot here and he was hot too! but that is not why i agreed to see him.. it was and still is his personality....

he really is a nice guy..and one of the reasons i am single is bc i haven't had the nicest guys in the past! its a good change.. and if nothing else it will give me more experience..

one thing i am worried about is leading him on in ANY way.. i really don't want to do that... !

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:23pm
In my experience, people grow far more attractive as you get to know and love them. If you enjoy his company, give the sparks a chance to develop. You never know.

AJ, enjoying life with C.