love me love me not?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2006
love me love me not?
2
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 12:31am
hey everyone,
my name is ashley and im 21 and my bf is 20. we love each other and get into fights like any couple. sometimes hell get really mad at me bc i can be a little immature and he will say "if this is how ur gonna act than maybe we shoudlnt be together" i can also be a little selfish sometimes and he will get mad and say that maybe we need a break if ur gonna continue like this...but sometimes he gets mad for no reason.. like i call him a pet name that he HATES and hell yell at me and say "didnt i tell u not to say that?" i really want this to work...so i take what he says and remember not to do it again....he has ashort temper so.....but anyway... sometimes well be making love and he will tell me to "promise him to never leave him" or hell say that randomly when we are just holding each other...hes never been a serious relationship before......so idk why he contradicts himself?
thx
ashley
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:02am

Hi Ashley~

You're at a really fun time in life. A time when you get to find out about what you like, what you need and what you want. There's no better time in life to be selfish than when you're 21- and no time more appropriate, really.

There are a lot of ways people tell us they love us. Sometimes, it's through words and sometimes it's through actions. The real telling part of this, is detecting if the words and actions match each other. You should not only get to hear "I love you" or "Promise we'll be together forever" but you should feel it, as well. And not just at certain times, but all the time. I'm not sure how long you and your boyfriend have been dating but sometimes we can quickly lose sight of what we really want because we're accomodating another's needs. While this is not always a bad thing, it shouldn't be constant.

The important part of any relationship is that you feel loved and accepted for who you are at the time. You shouldn't have to anticipate seeing him with both excitement and anxiety. If you're doing any guessing as to how his mood will be and if you're going to react appropriately, I think you're working too hard. Don't get me wrong, good relationships are work but they're rewarding and beneficial work, not guess work. You shouldn't have to doubt who you are, who he is, and who you are as a couple.

Like I said, I'm not sure how long you've been dating but if you're having these feelings and promising each other forever, then you should be comfortable enough to talk about what's going on. I understand your hesitation since this is his first serious relationship, but that really shouldn't prevent you from taking care of the relationship. Communication is how adults work through problems and hopefully your boyfriend will be willing to give it a shot.

Good luck.

Lesley

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
Tue, 02-07-2006 - 9:33am

I suspect you already know your relationship isn't 'right'. You posted on this board because there is probably a little voice in the back of your head telling you something isn't the way it should be. My advice??? Listen to that voice.

Listen to it because it doesn't care if you think you are in love or the sex is great or he is really cute. That voice is the most objective advisor you have. It has been there during every moment of your life and every second of your relationship. It knows what it is talking about. I suspect a lot of women ignore that little voice and end-up getting hurt down the road.

Listen, listen, listen!!!