For love or money? Who would you rath...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
For love or money? Who would you rath...
40
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:33am

For love or money? Who would you rather be with?



  • a man who I love deeply, but doesn't look good "on paper"
  • a man who looks good "on paper" yet I don't love deeply- I simply care for him


You will be able to change your vote.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 1:32pm

It's okay if sisfox has her preferences and you have yours.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 1:49pm

Thanks Stacey!

Ya know - I did have the passionate super-romatic relationship in my early 20s. He was a writer and worked as a waiter until he finished his Great American Novel. I got over the poverty ridden life in a hurry. Ran into him a few years ago. He's still the poverty stricken wanna-be writer living in a freezing garret.

<<>>

Hey, I like hot monkey sex as much as the next gal! LOL But I don't think it's the end all or be all to a relationship. And I don't think it's enough to sustain a lifetime. You have to actually LIKE a person to stay with them for the long haul.

And like and love are two very different things - and not always found with the same person.

BTW - I, for one, love your ramblings. You're charming.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 1:59pm

LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:12pm
I would have to say the 1st option. Someone I love very much but who doesn't look great on paper since I am with someone like this who doesn't have a great job but who I love deeply and has amazing character. I just don't think I would be able to duplicate my boyfriend with someone who is career oriented and looks good on paper, because sometimes these guys have a one track mind and that is on their careers, and the person they are with comes in 2nd.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:25pm
I agree the guy does have to be responsible financially and stable (no pot for me either lol) and be able to hold a job but not necessarily make a lot of money or have a great job. Money for me doesn't buy happiness. I'm not materialistic at all. I think if a couple doesn't let money affect the relationship and can communicate through these issues and are mature enough to compromise and come up with solutions then money won't ruin a relationship. And to another poster.....the only reason why money is the number one reason for divorce is because couples LET it be and some are very materialistic. It's not the money it's the lack of planning, communication, maturity levels, responsibility of that couple to hold the relationship together money or no money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:38pm

<<>>

Very true. That and priorities. A reckless spender isn't going to do great with a plodding saver...no matter how much love there is.

And it really does come down to what kind of attitude is attractive -right? I mean, I know people who make less than 35k a year and are in better financial shape than people who make high six figures.

Is the guy who plods at a safe job but is a saver more attractive than the guy who makes a ton of money, but spends most of it without a thought to the future?

And of course there are the opposites - don't have a pot to piddle in, but money burns a hole in their pockets anyway...and the guys who earn the big salary and plan ahead.

But as for me - I like 'em when they earn it the old fashioned way. ;)


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:44pm
This could be a generalization but what I"ve noticed about a lot of rich men is that they are married to their careers and not as attentive and loving to the woman that they are with. Usually the women are 2nd string. There are definate sacrifices to being with a rich man. But some women are super independent and don't like to get too close to the man they are with. I on the other hand need to feel like a top priority to the man I'm with so I would rather be with someone hands down who doesnt' make much money but whom treats me with the love, kindness, respect and also gives me the time that I deserve. It's true that everyone has different preferences. I think it's just about knowing who you are and what you really want as an individual. I do wish my boyfriend made more money of course, but then if he did he might not be the same person he is now, who I adore. I weighed out my options with him and his good points well outweigh the only really negative thing that I can see about him and that is he is not career oriented and he's complacent and not too much of a go getter, but he is responsible and stable and has held this same job for 6 yrs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2007
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 5:45pm
I think the older I get, the more the $$ becomes important lol tsk tsk on me!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 6:07pm

<<>>

I see the same attitude, but I tend to link it with certain careers, not income.

<<>>

Well, the original poll didn't say anything about how a man treats you. I mean yeah, if the choices were A. A man who is dirt poor but treats you well, or B. A man who is filthy rich but beats you every other Wednesday and twice on Fridays, of course I'd pick C. Stay single.

A lot of my thoughts on this come down to experiences I've had, and am currently having. I'm 41 - not a young, expectant girl anymore. I'm dealing with elder care and a child who may want to go to college. My mother used up all of her medicare days and is on private pay at the long-term-care facility - to the tune of $300+ a day. Thank GOD she and my dad were brilliant about money and had their priorities in order.

I watched one of my best friends lose an enormous amount of her inheritance because her husband was in a nursing home for 2 years before he died. She's still (relatively) young and has to live on the balance for what's left of her life.

The fact of the matter is, it's darned expensive to raise children and to get old.

I'm too pragmatic to think a poor, romantic love is better than a wealthy, comfortable like.


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 01-29-2007 - 6:10pm

I'd love to see a breakdown of age on this.

I hesitated to say it had anything to do with age and experience because I have a friend who pulls that all the time...like age gives you the right to pooh-pooh someone else's opinion.

I don't think someone younger has no perspective - I just know that I see things very differently now than I did at 31.