For love or money? Who would you rath...
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For love or money? Who would you rath...
| Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:33am |
For love or money? Who would you rather be with?
- a man who I love deeply, but doesn't look good "on paper"
- a man who looks good "on paper" yet I don't love deeply- I simply care for him
You will be able to change your vote.

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This was such an interesting thread for me because I'm currently dating a guy who makes a lot less money than my last couple of serious boyfriends. He looks bad on paper because he works as an independent private teacher (makes proabably $35-40K a year) while pursuing a more creative passion. He hadn't held even this stable a job until a few years ago and having gone back and gotten a Master's in teaching. (And for the record he does smoke pot once a week though doesn't drink alcohol that often). He appears to live within his means and be financially responsible (for instance he pays for his own health and dental insurance and he bought a used car outright rather than a new car with payments), but his means are a lot less than I'm used to. And, I do worry/acknowledge that financial stress can stress romantic relationships.
I know that I would prefer someone that paid more attention and valued me more highly than someone who could provide me with more financial benefits but not be there for me as much. I also feel more secure with someone that might be less desirable in some way and so make me less easy to replace. I also think to some extent that if you make the same or more money in the relationship, you have more leverage to implement a less traditional family lifestyle (father and mother providing equal child care). This is something I find desirable. I had to laugh at the comment about money becoming more imporant as she gets older because I am finding the opposite is true for me. As I become more confident of my own ability to make money, I feel less need to meet someone with more money than me. But, as I said above, I realize that financial stress can lead to relationship stress and I'm the type of person who needs the security of knowing that I have a year's worth of expenses in the bank.
Anyway, I voted for love, but my opinion varies depending on how I feel about my own career.
<<< I had to laugh at the comment about money becoming more imporant as she gets older because I am finding the opposite is true for me. As I become more confident of my own ability to make money, I feel less need to meet someone with more money than me.>>>
I don't think anyone here has said they want a sugar daddy, or suggested they want to drop all financial responsibility for themselves.
I can understand how in your position you may want someone who makes more money. It's all a matter of past experiences and preferances. I used to think that money would make me happy and what not but honestly, it really hasn't. I do want to offer my children the best and that's why I try to save as much as I can and not spend too much and the guy I'm with does the same. He doesn't make much money but he tries his best not to overspend and save for the future and I think that to me is very important.
And I didn't mean by my comment that anyone was. It's highly unrealistic to look for that unless you are very good looking and willing to be with someone much older than you.
I simply was noticing that, on a practical level, wealth in a potential mate becomes less valuble as a trait (relative to other traits because of course extra money is always nice) as you get older and have more personal wealth yourself.
I was very surprised by the results...but then again, I'm not.
To me, "on paper" doesn't just mean money.
You've pointed out a very important factor in this whole 'rich and respect or poor and love' debate. It is completely naive to expect ANYTHING BUT his job being the absolute number one priority for a man who is making enormous amounts of money - after all, that is the only way to make ££££££££££s. You do not become very rich or even very comfortably off by doing a 9 to 5 job Monday to Friday and forgetting all about it during evenings and at weekends which you can then devote totally and completely to the woman in your life. That is simply not possible and a contradiction - a man who is on over £60,000 a year (around $120,000) will be 'married' to his job, chained to his job, a slave to his job and his company, on call more or less 24/7 and no human being can maintain that kind of professional efficiency AND find sufficient amount of time for their SO. I have worked with people on that kind of money and I saw this first hand, not just read it in a book. Thanks but no thanks indeed.
"It is completely naive to expect ANYTHING BUT his job being the absolute number one priority for a man who is making enormous amounts of money - after all, that is the only way to make ££££££££££s. You do not become very rich or even very comfortably off by doing a 9 to 5 job Monday to Friday and forgetting all about it during evenings and at weekends which you can then devote totally and completely to the woman in your life. That is simply not possible and a contradiction - a man who is on over £60,000 a year (around $120,000) will be 'married' to his job, chained to his job, a slave to his job and his company, on call more or less 24/7 and no human being can maintain that kind of professional efficiency AND find sufficient amount of time for their SO."
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