For love or money? Who would you rath...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
For love or money? Who would you rath...
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Sun, 01-28-2007 - 11:33am

For love or money? Who would you rather be with?



  • a man who I love deeply, but doesn't look good "on paper"
  • a man who looks good "on paper" yet I don't love deeply- I simply care for him


You will be able to change your vote.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 4:23pm
Yes there are men out there that can do that and they are definate catches :-) That's great that your DH is this way and am happy for you with you that you guys have talked about this and come to a compromise. A lot of these guys that can balance having a high paying career and are still family men are married though and taken for a reason. They do get harder to come by when you are in your 30s and looking. Well rounded men are the best kinds of men but not too many of them out there.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 5:30pm

They may be married, but they weren't at one point. Remember, DH is a workaholic. We had many arguments and disagreements about what is tolerable and what isn't. When I first started dating him, I knew he was a workaholic and I made a note to watch how much he worked outside of work. If he worked, like my 1xh, I wouldn't have continued the r'ship. But, he left work, at work.


And now that his job is getting more stressful (he recently got a promotion), he's already talked to me about what we can do to aleve his stress, and how we can not allow it to affect our life.


Honestly, I think it's more about the man wanting to make the r'ship work, versus working and hoping his love life will accommodate his work.


I had to have lots of talks with Dh to get him where he is now. In the beginning, it wasn't like this. He was ready to work 24/7 to "give me a house", "allow me to not work while I get my master's degree", etc. I had to put my foot down and tell him no. R'ship first. everything else second.


Just remmeber this...well-rounded men.....aren't always available on the fly, however, many of them can be shown the way to being well-rounded, if they want to be. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 9:31am

Just some more thoughts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 12:47pm

"but "not there" because he's always "at work," even when he's not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 3:41pm
Makes perfect sense. I didn't end the "relationship" between me and the guy in the navy as a result of him not physically being there (although being gone for 6 months to a year at a time will take it's toll on anyone). I ended it because he was never really "there" in the relationship regardless of whether he was gone or here in town. It was causing me more grief than it was worth because he was mentally always somewhere else. It sounds though that your new man is mentally there for you and that's the biggest thing and he doesn't seem to go away for really long periods of time, 2 months is nothing compared to 6 months or a year that some of these military wives/gfs have to deal with. I'm so glad to hear that you are still happy with your man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 6:22am


'...i even knew a high powered attorney who'd work only till 3pm, go home, spend time with his kids, and come back at 9-12am to finish up work when the kids were sleeping. weekends, he never worked. it was family time. he was a partner in the firm, and i'm sure, pulled in over $200k. i admired him and respected him greatly. he was a family man first, an attorney second'.

In my humble opinion, this is an absolute exception, and out of 100% of high powered attorneys who earn over $200,000 a year maybe about 1% will do what you have described. Can I repeat? IMHO. The majority of 'high earners' will NOT put their family above their work because in some cases it just isn't possible no matter how much you want to. A CFO in a company I used to work for adored his wife to distraction (still don't understand what there was to adore but that is another topic LOL), but as much as he wanted to spend all his time with her, he literally worked from 8am to 11pm if not later every single day including weekends, sometimes through the night sleeping in the office, travelled on 2 second's notice and accorss the globe 2-3 weeks out of 4, did not sleep, did not eat, did not live, just worked, and made tons of money for his non-working stay at home do nothing all day (they had no kids) wife to spend on her desinger clothes, hairdressers and jewellery.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2007
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 6:26am


'....I would much rather date someone like him who I have such a wonderful connection with than someone who makes a lot of money and is around all the time, but "not there" because he's always "at work," even when he's not. If that makes sense'.

It makes perfect sense to me and I couldn't have said it better myself!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 11:55am

He's definitely there mentally (so far, anyway lol).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2005
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 12:23pm

Oh, ITA. I'm not saying he's not 1 in a million, but I wanted to point out that not all high-powered money-making men ALL concentrate only on work and forget about the wifey at home.


There are high earners though, who do put family first. It's not common, I know, but I'd hate for people to think that just cuz a guy has a good career, makes money, it means he's not worth it, because he'll be so into his job.


My mom is an admin. Makes probably no more than $50-60k. But y'know what? she's at work 12+ hours a day. My dad hates it. She's a total workaholic. It's quite sad. I'm saying this, because people are people. It's their personalities that determine their drive, and wants. It's also their values that help them choose between work and family.


I guess, I'd rather have a man, who's values are more about family, than work. Regardless if he brings is $40k or $400k. That's all I wanted to say. Their values will run their life. Find a man who's values are the same as yours. I mean, there ARE women out there who want a man to make a ton of money and could careless if they ever see him. lol. kwim?


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Thu, 02-01-2007 - 2:56pm
That is definately true. Sometimes men will work on things and change things for the one that they love. If they appreciate what they have and don't want to let that go, and they are willing to put the work it takes into compromising, they will work on things. I think sometimes that is hard to find too, but I'm glad that I finally found that. All of the other guys (with the exception of my very first boyfriend) didn't really want that much to work on things because relationships weren't their priorities, or I wasn't a priority to them. Sometimes though, like in your case, hard work does pay off and then you both are better people for it :-)

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