Love yourself?
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 04-09-2007 - 3:24pm |
I'm sure you've all heard the old saying, no one else will love you until you love yourself. Is this true?
I guess I'm somewhat of a pessimist by nature, things tend to affect me more then they should sometimes, I dwell on things too much, I over analyze and just think WAY too much sometimes.
My massage therapist/good friend told me about The Secret several months ago and I'm sure by now most of you have heard of it thanks to Oprah....he said that it's changed his life, and I really want to believe that it's as simple as just changing your way of thinking, but my somewhat negative nature makes it extremely difficult for me to think positively. Daily affirmations, envisioning what you want out of your life, the kind of things you want, in great detail, is it really that easy? This is when the pessimist in me comes out, but reading the stories on the website of people that have done it and how great their lives are now, and watching the movie and reading the book really makes me want to believe, but is it really that easy? Has anyone else tried it? How to you make yourself believe you are worthy and deserving of everything you want out of life and not come down hard when a relationship fails, or you don't lose those 5 pounds, or your financial life isn't as healthy as you want it?
I'm just tired of this emotional rollercoaster I've been on for the past couple of weeks. One minute I'm in a great mood and then I'm just rather melancholy about everything.
Edited 4/9/2007 3:37 pm ET by rebainmi


Pages
>I guess I'm somewhat of a pessimist by nature, things tend to affect me more then they should sometimes, I dwell on things too much, I over analyze and just think WAY too much sometimes. <
OMG you just described me to a tee! I've always thought "If I could just shut up that damn inner voice I'd be fine!" But it's always there - criticizing, nagging, telling me what I "should" have done, etc. How do you shut that up?
(No I'm not schizophrenic nor do I have a duel personality - I'm just hypercritical of myself I guess. Furthermore, I would never in a million years be as critical to another person as I am to myself. So why do I do it? I dunno. Because I expect better of myself, I guess.)
ANYway - I stood there in Best Buy this weekend and read through "The Secret." I had heard of it somewhere, can't remember where - but I flipped through it.
Honestly, it wasn't anything I hadn't already heard before. Be positive, think happy thoughts, learn to trust and love yourself, and so forth. I didn't buy it (the book, I mean).
I don't know what the answer is. I think I answered it when I said that "I would never be as critical of another person as I am with myself." Maybe we are too hard on ourselves. We can't be perfect because we're human beings.
I started practicing the principles in The Secret about 5 yrs ago when I was out of work for several years. I was part of a support group based on the book "Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting." I did not immediately get rich or even a job from this. I did started focusing on being positive and practicing gratitude. I was accountable every week to share with the group what things in my out-of-work life that I was grateful for. That in itself was powerful. No, it is not the "magic bullet" or that easy.
I recommend a more down-to-earth book not so woo-woo as The Secret. "Authentic Happiness: Using the New Positive Psychology to Realize Your Potential for Lasting Fulfillment" by Martin Seligman. He also wrote, "Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life."
Good luck,
Mark
----
Review excerpt: "Seligman makes the point that pleasure in itself is not the road to happiness. As we all know, pleasure is fleeting, and pursuing it can easily turn into addiction or futility. Instead Seligman identifies and values a set of nearly universal virtues which he believes lead to deep and lasting gratification. These include wisdom and knowledge, courage, love and humanity, justice, temperance, spirituality and transcendance. "The good life," he writes, "is using your signature strengths every day to produce authentic happiness and abundant gratification."
What I liked most about this book is that it made me feel good about myself, other people, and the "simple" virtues that make up much of the fabric of life, but which are often ignored and devalued. Kindness, tolerance, competence, interpersonal skills, a work ethic, and faith emerge as vital ingredients of a good, gratifying, happy life.
Authentic Happiness is not a miracle cure for all unhappiness. It is, however, a wise, well-informed, and extremely valuable guide to a more grounded, heartfelt and gratifying life."
To be honest, I think it may work for some people, but probably not for me.
As one person already stated, it has the usual things in there about feeling positive, being happy, yadda yadda.
Myself, I honestly can not think of too many reasons to feel positive. With all that's happened to me over the years, I have been on the "Emotional rollercoaster" for many, many years. One minute I will be in a good mood, but the next minute I will just be off in a daze wondering why such and such had to happen, or why nothing in my life happened the way I planned. I honestly wonder sometimes why I was put on the face of this planet. I really just feel like I have no purpose here other than to be a pest to everyone else. But that's just me.
I read a book similar to that a few years back,but for some reason, I can't think of the name of it. More recently, I tried reading one of Dr. Phil's books, but just lost interest in it. Maybe I'm just beyone the help of books LOL
One of the key events that changed my life was going through several personal growth workshops. I agree that one can only learn and change so much from reading just books. That is why I thought having a support group was critical in helping me.
I also went through the personal growth workshops which were highly experiential and therefore very powerful in effecting change for me.
I went thru Wings which is a local company here in Oregon (www.wings-seminars.com). I am sure others here on the board can point you to others.
Mark
I've never heard of "The Secret," but I can imagine what the concept is. I know it's hard to do, and it's trite, but you really DO have to love yourself. I try to think of it this way: I've screwed up a thing or two in my life (some BIG things, too), but my family and friends love me anyway. So why should I not love myself, despite the fact that I'm not perfect? Know what I mean?
But, like I said, it's not easy, and I totally beat myself up a lot more than I should, so I can definitely relate.
Thank you biochic, you dsecribed so much of how I feel. This weekend, I felt so great on Saturday, I was with my friends, things with the boy were cool and we were old pals again and it was a really fun time, and on Sunday it started out good then towards the end of the night I just could feel myself kind of coming down, but I'm just going to keep lists of what makes me happy, positive things about myself, etc., and it's going to be hard but I hope that with time, it will get easier. It is definitely MUCH easier when you have a lot of things to be excited about, that's for sure!
It is easier when you have things to look forward to. Start planning some small trips with your friends and maybe plan some dinner parties etc etc. Keeping busy and having fun keeps you sane :-)
Sonic, have you ever been evaluated for depression?
Pages