Making Peace With Being Alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Making Peace With Being Alone
105
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:04am

I'm wondering if anyone else out there feels that realistically they may not ever find the right guy and may have to make thier peace with being single for the rest of their lives.

Granted, I'm almost 28 and still young, but I don't feel like the dating pool will get any better than what it is now (and it doesn't help that everyone older than me tells me it only gets worse)and I'm trying to accept that marriage and family may not be in the cards for me, no matter how badly I want it. I see so many females entering their 30s and 40s and giving up on finding a man and I think, that may very well be me.

But what bothers me most, I do want a family of my own. I'd love to raise children with a wonderful spouse. But I feel like I have to be realistic and admit that it may never happen.

Is there anyone else dealing with this or trying to make their peace with this. How do you feel about possibly never having a child of your own or never finding a committed loving relationship. I'm trying to not make it a big deal and focus on other things, the idea is always there. Everytime I see a couple holding hands down the street or a young father with his kids in the park or engagement ring commercials or or anything featuring two people sharing a life together.

How do you come to accept that this?

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 8:15pm

Gosh darn it.. I totally agree.. now all we got to do is to find each other *wink*...

I must be looking in the wrong place to have so many women who are like that ... hmmmm....

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 9:26pm

>>>>Is there anyone else dealing with this or trying to make their peace with this. How do you feel about possibly never having a child of your own or never finding a committed loving relationship.<<<<

Let me raise my hand WAY up high. I'm 36 and am really considering the fact that I desperately need to come to terms with being alone. I've been living alone (without roommates) for several years now, and I don't mind this aspect of being single. However, I hold out this hope of finding the right guy. I so very much want the relationship that my parents have. They enjoy one another...100%. I want to have that kind of connection with someone. I want to share my life experiences with that person. Dating has been disasterous, so I haven't done much of that lately. Luckily, I don't want children so that doesn't factor into my life at all. But I still deal with all the fears of living my life alone and not wanting to. How do I change my attitude??? How do I embrace being alone for the rest of my life???

Hopefully, things will all work out in the end.
Brightest Blessings,
Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2003
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 9:32pm

Sisfox, I totally agree with this statement:

>>>You need to find contentment within yourself, your own life and soul. A partner doesn't complete your life - they are just a nice addition. I don't think it's healthy to rely on a relationship to be happy with your life - I think you need to live the life you have to the fullest, and good relationships developed along the way are a bonus.<<<

My problem is I want that bonus. I don't want someone to complete my life. I want someone to compliment my life and to share my life with. There is something so comforting to coming home from a hard day's work and share the evening with the one you adore. I mentioned in my post the OP how I want something along the lines of the relationship my parents have.....and I truly believe that is why I am still single. I won't compromise and settle for less. I want to share my life with someone I truly adore....not someone I simply tolerate. So, since I won't settle.....I need to find a way to embrace life as a single woman because I am coming to realize that I'm not going to find that great guy to settle down with.

Brightest Blessings,
Annika

Brightest Blessings, Annika


iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2005
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 11:57pm

Hey my friend Lucy just turned 38 in Oct. She has never been married and had just about given up on finding someone. She's extremely outgoing and very unique person. Most of the men she has dated in the past liked her but wanted to change something about her so she would fit their ideal. In July she went to Florida for her cousin's wedding and met a wonderful man who fell in love with her. He loves her just the way she is and does not want to change her. They are engaged already and she just moved to Florida. They are getting married next year. It can happen to you too. Don't give up hope.

As far as the rest of the posts, I find the best way to handle posters that are offensive is to ignore them. Someone who is a pot stirrer (love that phrase Jules) is getting something out of all the drama he is causing. If no one responds he will stop. Just a thought.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2003
Sun, 01-01-2006 - 1:47pm
This is an interesting thread indeed!
Firstly (re the starter of it) it is QUITE absurd to hear a 28 year old talking as if she was 80:) I have heard of people of all ages finding soulmates and I am a lot older than 28 (!) but still attract a lot of men...even though they all seem to want one-night stands and lie about their intentions:(
However, I have always been determined to try to stay positive and still get asked out a lot and so hope eventually will find someone normal who is not just after sex or playing silly mindgames.
However...it is a fact that (one of the posters asked why so many single forty-ish women and not as many forty-ish single men) in the 'pool' there are less men than women, and then less single men than women, and then less men LOOKING than women. So that makes the numbers even more disproportionate and harder to find a guy once you get older. However..I also agree with one of the other posters who said as she got older she met better quality and more serious men. Men in their twenties and even their thirties, still to a large extent don't know what they want. I actually prefer divorced men who have had families (as I cannot have children myself), who know what they want and have achieved a measure of maturity.
Yes, of course, failed marriages and ex-wives can be seen as baggage, but all of us more mature folk have baggage to some extent or another. The question is how well we deal with it and that we do not let it spoil potential future relationships.

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