Making Peace With Being Alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Making Peace With Being Alone
105
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:04am

I'm wondering if anyone else out there feels that realistically they may not ever find the right guy and may have to make thier peace with being single for the rest of their lives.

Granted, I'm almost 28 and still young, but I don't feel like the dating pool will get any better than what it is now (and it doesn't help that everyone older than me tells me it only gets worse)and I'm trying to accept that marriage and family may not be in the cards for me, no matter how badly I want it. I see so many females entering their 30s and 40s and giving up on finding a man and I think, that may very well be me.

But what bothers me most, I do want a family of my own. I'd love to raise children with a wonderful spouse. But I feel like I have to be realistic and admit that it may never happen.

Is there anyone else dealing with this or trying to make their peace with this. How do you feel about possibly never having a child of your own or never finding a committed loving relationship. I'm trying to not make it a big deal and focus on other things, the idea is always there. Everytime I see a couple holding hands down the street or a young father with his kids in the park or engagement ring commercials or or anything featuring two people sharing a life together.

How do you come to accept that this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:28pm
You didn't come off as harsh, and I understand how you feel. I met my best female friend when I was 44 years old and she was 53. Through her I've met other great women. I hope you find a way to make some new friends. It takes some effort, but it isn't all that difficult (try online sources, women's clubs, etc.) And I think you would be much happier if you had girl friends to do things with. And who knows, if you make a new female friend or two, it could lead to meeting some good guys!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:29pm

My dealbreakers (some of which overlap a bit):

Smokes

Drinks frequently/excessively

Angry/intolerant/not empathetic

Conservative politically

Bigoted

Dishonest

Lacking character/integrity

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:30pm

>..., trust me..., I'm sure we are totally
>different men

Defintely. I don't complain about the standards that women set nor do I expect pity for not being able to meet them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:31pm

"ust as a side note: I've been rejected much more in the ast three or four years than I have rejected a man. I've never rejected a guy because he didn't make enough or wasn't attractive enough or didn't have a good enough job. It's always been because of an undesirable personality trait such as anger issues or flakiness. "

I totally agree with this. I've been rejected far more than I've rejected. And I'm not talking about the hottest and best paid guys either, I'm talking about the guy with the receding hairline, the history-buff, Jeopardy-watching nerd and the guy in glasses. None of them interested in me and yet I found something special in each one of them.

Dating is just hard for everybody. Why it's this hard, I will never understand.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:33pm

I've dated several short men.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:35pm

If you scroll back a few posts (I think it was this thread), I was one of the people who said the dating pool has actually gotten BETTER for me as I have gotten older. I completely disagree that there are no good men - I see them everywhere.

I have dated all types of men. That includes shorter than me, made less money than me (my LTR was with a perpetual student), etc, etc. I don't feel the need to justify who have I dated and why.

I am open to a relationship with any man who is kind, treats me with respect, has passion, takes care of his health (that does not mean he needs to look perfect, he just has to realize that I'd rather not lose a partner to a heart attack or lung cancer), and is attractive TO ME.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:38pm

Well I can say I've rejected equally as much as I've been rejected..., so I have a well rounded viewpoint..., some were for good reasons some for innocuous ones...,

..., Ann..., I rejected her because she talked with her hands too much..., I mean they we're flailing abount endlessly and I actually had to duck once or twice..., I know it was "Sienfeldish" but that was why.., it never made a second date.

Why I say this is because I feel both sexes are making these choices based on societal standards and subconscious needs planted by genetics and the media..., the same way I say women won't date short guys due to genetic programming..,

We try to make peace with being alone because we are too damn picky on what we will accept..., I'm guilty of this just as anyone else here on the board.., and if you say no not me..., you're simply in da' Nile and that isn't a river in Egypt.

Ann was a perfectly nice woman..., attractive, smart, and funny..., but the hand thing and being a little large for my tastes was it..., I probably could have been happy with Ann..., now look back on the guys you rejected and can you say that?

..., also when was the last time you dated a guy shorter than you or made way less money than you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:49pm

Well louyou...,
There's is nothing wrong with you wanting those things..., unless;

1) this isn't a conscious choice but a subconscious prejudice which you fail to account for...,

2) this severely drains the dating pool for you since men at those levels have been snatched up years ago, so you are left to choose from the ones in failing relationships or the cheater/liars..., and then make statements that there are no good men to date...,

3) the old addage that opposites attract is just a load of hogwash (whatever hogwash is!?!?)..., I know personally I've tried dating artists and found out I couldn't stand a one of them...,

4) everything you listed is higher and higher on the materialism ladder and the OP specifically was suggesting looking from the heart instead of the wallet or how many degrees were on the wall.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 12:58pm

#1- Wanting someone with a similar lifestyle and goals is a predjudice?

#2- Snatched up years ago? You have no idea how old I am or how long I've been dating so how can you say that?

#3- I'm not sure I know what you're saying here? I never said opposites attract in my post. I did, however, imply that similar personalities (driven, responsible, etc.) attract even if they come with different careers.

#4- So now education = materialism? If that's your argument, I might as well stop right here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 1:04pm

Thank you Shari..., mine in order of priority;

Is attractive to me (#1 on any guys list and any guy that says differently is lying).

Doesn't smoke.

Lives a healthy lifestyle.

Is not currently "just broken up".., which seems to get rid of 90% of the women.

Wants to be with me and acts interested in me and my thoughts.

This would be all I need to move forward into a deeper relationship with a woman..., notice I did not mention politics (total BS Shari..., why does he have to be conservative? That makes no sense at all!!), religion, race, children, money, or career...,

Because I know love is about the heart not what political orginization you belong to..., that is why you will be alone because you can't date a Republican..., give me a break..., I've seen perfectly normal couples who were vegetarian/carnivore..., liberal/conservative..., anarchist/conformist..., Jew/Catholic...,

These exist and can and do thrive..., to say differently is to minimalize what the human heart is capable of..., what everyone is failing to address is that 2 people in love overlook all these things..., but two people who just meet use these as walls to progress...,

..., wheather that be love or international diplomacy.

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