Making Peace With Being Alone
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| Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:04am |
I'm wondering if anyone else out there feels that realistically they may not ever find the right guy and may have to make thier peace with being single for the rest of their lives.
Granted, I'm almost 28 and still young, but I don't feel like the dating pool will get any better than what it is now (and it doesn't help that everyone older than me tells me it only gets worse)and I'm trying to accept that marriage and family may not be in the cards for me, no matter how badly I want it. I see so many females entering their 30s and 40s and giving up on finding a man and I think, that may very well be me.
But what bothers me most, I do want a family of my own. I'd love to raise children with a wonderful spouse. But I feel like I have to be realistic and admit that it may never happen.
Is there anyone else dealing with this or trying to make their peace with this. How do you feel about possibly never having a child of your own or never finding a committed loving relationship. I'm trying to not make it a big deal and focus on other things, the idea is always there. Everytime I see a couple holding hands down the street or a young father with his kids in the park or engagement ring commercials or or anything featuring two people sharing a life together.
How do you come to accept that this?

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Your confusing pity with wanting common sense to prevail..., I have never in my life wanted or been pitied..., actually I have to work on dolling out pity, since I was born with such a short supply that I am too stingy with it.
..., just your use of the word pity is so far from what I was trying to impart that I assume you're obviously communicating over the intergallactic net from M241B in the Ardinian galaxy.
Everyone has his or her own dealbreakers. You can't tell Sheri that her political view is wrong - very political people tend to do better with other very political people with similar views. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but if Sheri knows right now that a man with very different political views would make her crazy, she's more likely to have a healthy relationship. Why actively seek out someone so different from you?
Love is about the heart, as you say, but long-term success in a relationship depends on much more than just love. I think most of us can say that we've been there and know that to be true.
I agree with your point that we shouldn't put random limits on who would make a potential partner, but each person can only know for him or herself who makes a great match for them.
Personally, I tend to not match well with argumentative types.
AJ, enjoying life with C.
You asked me for my list of dealbreakers, not my "must haves", so that's what I gave you.
In my experience, political conservatives also tend to be intolerant and bigoted, so that's why it's a dealbreaker for me. Plus, my morals and values do not align with someone who is politically conservative. It *is* about the heart, and I don't find that conservatives have much of one.
If you're going to ask me to post things, would you PLEASE do me the favor of reading my words more carefully? I did NOT say I would not date a Republican...I have indeed done so. Not all Republicans are conservative; some are moderate and since I am more in the middle of the political spectrum and tend towards fiscal conservatism, we can usually find common ground.
But in any event, it's MY list, not yours. I have my reasons for the things I have on it. I'm not going to debate with anyone about their lists; that's highly disrespectful. Everyone is entitled to their own choices and preferences.
BTW...are you misspelling my name deliberately to annoy me or is that just part of not really paying attention to what I write?
Sheri
> I am too stingy with it
Your are stingy with logic and consistency too.
You write this on behalf of men in one post:
"..., give us a break..., take some time to get to know us..., you know were pretty nervous during the first few weeks and are trying our best to not screw up...,
..., also stop thinking every guy needs to look like a male model..., or have money...,"
Then write this about a woman in another post:
"Ann was a perfectly nice woman..., attractive, smart, and funny..., but the hand thing and being a little large for my tastes was it..., I probably could have been happy with Ann..., "
Ann didn't make it to the second date. Do you call this common sense?
Remind me again, what is your position on women and their standards?
>I assume you're obviously communicating over
>the intergallactic net from M241B in the Ardinian galaxy.
Yes it appears that ALL of your opinions revolve around assumption.
Ok shywon..,
I don't know why I'm still single..., I do know that after trying to make peace with being single I took a good look at myself..., my innermost needs and feelings.., my place as a human being in the 21st century and decided to do something about being alone..., I decided to aggressively date...,
..., the numbers are out there..., plenty of single women to meet. I've dated for two years...,I went out once for three months with 2 different women (at different times)and both times I thought this might be the one but we never seemed to connect..., I felt that we both were being too picky and should just relax and take it easy..., but it really never did relax...,
.., being the 21st century I used all the tools at my disposal..., internet..., singles events..., friends & family..., I figured it was a numbers game and you might go out with 100 women but in the end you'll find her..., well I'm no where close to 100 yet and there seems to be no end to the dating..., hell even my mom is trying to set me up with the daughter of her friend..., really attractive woman too..., I've seen her and not only is she voluptuous but has incredible long black hair..., the satiny kind you see in hair commercials...,
Who's right..., me with the numbers game..., or you with the in depth quality screening program?...,
I'll say one thing..., my way isn't for the weak.., it takes the effort of King Kong with the sheilding power of Superman to withstand constant dating and it's perils....,
..., there's the good side too..., lot's of kissing; I like that!!..., funny stuff too..., I'll tell you what.., give me twenty minutes here and I'll pen one of the dates up that were off the wall and post it.
Oh yeah..., when I said shorter I meant shorter than you.., in your case that might mean midget though..., (or is that hieght challenged nowadays)
The guys I was referring to would never get dates with women that were 6' 5" or above...., which basically meant no dates..., or very, very few.
You don't like being judged on looks yet you're the only one (in all 50+ posts) that keeps mentioning how your dates look.
I'm thinking that I should stop now because, just like in the last marathon-argument you participated in on this board, the contradictions are just too many to keep up with.
And by the way, on another poster's behalf, it's S-H-E-R-I. If you're going to address someone by name in order to insult their opinion, you should at least pay attention to how it's spelled.
That's what's so great about the internet..., I can spew out my opinion with wanton abandon and it doesn't mean shyt..., it's simply my opinions, based on my observations, my biases, my assumptions..., and can't hold water for anyone but me...,
..., however amusing you may find it, I do have a few people who agree with me..., of course being from the Northwest we are much more accepting to others viewpoints than the rest of the country..., and probably the world for that matter..., and I have been able to have LTR's with women who were so far from my viewpoints as to be frightening..., but that's never what broke us up...,
What's the weather like today on M241B?
Ok shywon…,
…, a dating story as promised. I’m going to call this one “Girl’s Night Out”;
I met this woman on Match.com awhile back…, we met for coffee where I got her phone number and then proceed to call and ask her out. She declines, but then suggests I come out and meet her at a “ladies night out” that she’s going to…, (She apparently wants to show me off to her friends?). I end up at a local brewery which has dancing and spend the night with 2 single women and 3 married ones (all 30 something’s). I love the married ones: kind, curious, polite, don’t try to bust my chops, and all leave around 11:30pm saying they need to get home (I would have married any one of those gals on the spot).
Of our single gals: mine is drinking too much and so is her friend. Well I’m dancing my butt off with all these women and having a good time too when my girl decides she wants to wear my $300 Italian leather jacket and then spill wine on it for kicks (no sorry from her…, just a “it will come out”), thanks for the concern. Still, I’m an easy going guy, I wipe it off and after a few more dances am ready to go…, oh,oh, the girls night out (only 2 left) want to head to a local dance club. Well I explain that I lifted weights after work that day and with all the dancing I’m spent and ready to go to bed, but since the ladies had 4 or 5 drinks each, maybe more, I feel it’s my duty to see them safely to their destination since they’re dead set on driving there. We get to the place about midnight and I spend 15 minutes no less, explaining to these women why I’m not going in (they obviously were not listing to me when I explained the whole thing earlier), not to mention I’ve already had my dosage of second hand smoke for the night.
I know what you’re thinking; how will they get home?…, I live close by and tell them to call me when they’re done and I’ll come and pick them up (am I a great guy or what?). I pass out at home and get the call at 2:15am, no problem, that power nap is all I needed! The girls are drunk, reek of smoke, and still ready to party.., they think. I pour them into my truck where one passes out, and my girl wants to go to Denny’s. Hey I’m hungry anyway, but in all the inebriation we end up at Jack in the Box where I get to watch a thin little gal wolf down most of a super sized meal. We take passed out girl home where, 1) I get to try to open her neighbors condo with her key since, 2) My girl is passed out in my truck, then 3) I finally wake one of them up enough to get the right condo door opened. So there I am standing in her doorway, she’s flopped on the floor with her…, well let’s just say I was getting a damn good free show! I can’t leave with her door unlocked so I have to pick her up, put her hand on the lock as I close the door and ask her to lock it at which point she flops to the floor again (maybe I should try to prop her in a chair?). After repeating this twice I finally hear the deadbolt close. One down, one to go. This second one has a surprise for me…, guess what? She wants me to spend the night. Yeah that’s right…, I get the good night kiss where she tries to go fishing with her tongue. This isn’t pretty, I’m saying no and she doesn’t want to take no for an answer. After some name calling (from her) I politely tell her I didn’t think it would be a good idea and go. I call in the morning to make sure all is OK and I get the longest apology I’ve ever heard. I thank her and tell her not to worry and that there are no hard feelings.
This is a true story. I have not embellished it…, in fact I have left some out. This was a professional woman who works at a local computer company.
Although all this drama can be fun, I’m really just looking for a normal, down to Earth kind of woman. I guess I’ll just keep dating away.
P.S. Sheri…, this started at the Red Hook Brewery in Woodinville.
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