Making Peace With Being Alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Making Peace With Being Alone
105
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:04am

I'm wondering if anyone else out there feels that realistically they may not ever find the right guy and may have to make thier peace with being single for the rest of their lives.

Granted, I'm almost 28 and still young, but I don't feel like the dating pool will get any better than what it is now (and it doesn't help that everyone older than me tells me it only gets worse)and I'm trying to accept that marriage and family may not be in the cards for me, no matter how badly I want it. I see so many females entering their 30s and 40s and giving up on finding a man and I think, that may very well be me.

But what bothers me most, I do want a family of my own. I'd love to raise children with a wonderful spouse. But I feel like I have to be realistic and admit that it may never happen.

Is there anyone else dealing with this or trying to make their peace with this. How do you feel about possibly never having a child of your own or never finding a committed loving relationship. I'm trying to not make it a big deal and focus on other things, the idea is always there. Everytime I see a couple holding hands down the street or a young father with his kids in the park or engagement ring commercials or or anything featuring two people sharing a life together.

How do you come to accept that this?

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:16pm

Thanks...I already addressed this in my most recent post to adrastos but I appreciate you noticing it too ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:22pm

I caught that after I posted... but reiteration may have been necessary :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:25pm

#1- Wanting someone with a similar lifestyle and goals is a prejudice?

No, it’s a prejudice if you are not dating men because of a preconceived and/or genetic predisposition for a certain type of man…, even if that be a subconscious prejudice.

#2- Snatched up years ago? You have no idea how old I am or how long I've been dating so how can you say that?

Has nothing to do with age…, a woman who is 28 and CEO of a corporation is going to find it hard to find peers and/or more successful men to date. At those levels of the companies and society there are very single men available…, fact.

#3- I'm not sure I know what you're saying here? I never said opposites attract in my post. I did, however, imply that similar personalities (driven, responsible, etc.) attract even if they come with different careers.

I wasn’t referring to what you said personally, just an observation that opposites do attract…, it works in personalities as well as Newtonian Physics…, and trying to support the fact that if you dated some opposites you might be surprised.

#4- So now education = materialism?

If that's your argument, I might as well stop right here. No, no ,no.., it was the similar lifestyles…., this usually relates to what materialism you’ve acquired vs. his…., you have a Volkswagen Jetta he has a 1982 Skylark yet you both work the same job and get the same wage.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:25pm

Thanks...I'm actually not "very political" but I find that my values don't align with people who are politically conservative (as I explained in another post).

And I agree about the argumentative types ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:26pm

Ok, I have tried not to post to you because my forehead is still sore from beating it against that particular brick wall last time, but I could not let this go uncommented on:

***notice I did not mention politics (total BS Shari..., why does he have to be conservative? That makes no sense at all!!), religion, race, children, money, or career...,

Because I know love is about the heart not what political orginization you belong to..., that is why you will be alone because you can't date a Republican..., give me a break..., I've seen perfectly normal couples who were vegetarian/carnivore..., liberal/conservative..., anarchist/conformist..., Jew/Catholic...,***

What gives you the right to tell her what she needs to have in a mate? Like we have all been saying, what we want and need in a mate is different and individual to each of us. I work in the policy arena and a person's political leanings are hugely important to me because I feel like they say a lot about how one views the problems of the world and the solutions. Politics IS my professional life and anyone who dislikes my politics is not going to be able it if they feel very differently because it is my job and also a large part of my social circle. You also just tacked on religion at the end and this is a huge thing for many people. Could a practising Jewish man marry a shiksa? Sure - but his children will not be recognized as Jews and that may be important to him.

You have a lot of nerve telling other people what their non-negotiables are. Especially after breaking up with a woman who used her hands too much when she talked. You are giving all of this advice on this board and you are not an example I would want to follow with your failed marriages and mysoginistic views.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:27pm

***over the intergallactic net from M241B in the Ardinian galaxy.***

This explains a lot...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:33pm

***In my experience, political conservatives also tend to be intolerant and bigoted***

This is why we conservatives date amongst ourselves because this is a sadly pervasive attitude among many intelligent liberals. How could I date someone who believes this? I don't want to spend my first 3 dates trying to disabuse someone of a stereotype especially since that would mean lending it credence by even acknowledging it enough to show attempt to disprove it.

I am sure there are some conservatives who say similarly negative things about liberals and, were I on the left of the spectrum, I wouldn't want to date one of those people either.

No offense intended, Sheri, just making a point. This is a perfect example of how this thing that adrastos had the nerve to chastise you for is a legitimate concern when looking for a mate. I guess that you and I are never meant to be. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:34pm

Must haves and dealbreakers..., I don't see the difference.

I guess we men are just too simple..., they seem like the same things to me. What I must have are also the deal breakers listed in order of priority.

See the women are even being pickier..., instead of a simple list they have "must haves"..., "deal breakers"..., "want to haves"..., "need to haves"...,

..., don't even get me started on your whacky personality profiles that basically boil down to "I'm the greatest gift to mankind and if you have money, looks, and a powerful position in business, I might let you grace my front seat"...,

Sheri (got it right, thanks louyou)..., I know it's your list..., you can put whatever you want on all 6 lists..., but if you're still alone years later you may want to weed some of the items out in order of priority..., somehow I think I'm right and you would be weeding out conservative..., before smoker...,

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:40pm

Does it ever!

I'll admit, I got sucked in today. As of now though, I'm tearing myself away.

I can't have an argument with someone that references politcal views, religious preferences and androids in the same post! :-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 2:47pm

S-H-E-R-I

Are you kidding..., if you're internet dating all you're being judged on is looks..., it's the g#dd#amn human shopping channel...,

..., and guys are visual..., it is #1 for us..., this too has been proven to be a genetic predisposition for a certain face and body type...,

..., also I have not insulted anyone's opinions..., if they don't jive with mine I simply call BS..., you can call BS on mine all day and it doesn't bother me..., why are you so sensitive about it..., could it be yours are wrong and to look into the light might hurt?

And finally..., unless I'm writing a formal e-mail I don't bother with name spellings and actually twist names most of the time just for kicks..., same way some people don't use pronunciation..., or capital letters..., or they use all those little acronyms BTW, FWIW, IMHO, etc...,

Don't take this stuff so personally..., I don't..., it's like water off a ducks back..., because I know it's just the net...., you could possibly be a 10 year old boy posing as a women..., or nascarbabes boyfriend....,hahaha

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