Making Peace With Being Alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Making Peace With Being Alone
105
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:04am

I'm wondering if anyone else out there feels that realistically they may not ever find the right guy and may have to make thier peace with being single for the rest of their lives.

Granted, I'm almost 28 and still young, but I don't feel like the dating pool will get any better than what it is now (and it doesn't help that everyone older than me tells me it only gets worse)and I'm trying to accept that marriage and family may not be in the cards for me, no matter how badly I want it. I see so many females entering their 30s and 40s and giving up on finding a man and I think, that may very well be me.

But what bothers me most, I do want a family of my own. I'd love to raise children with a wonderful spouse. But I feel like I have to be realistic and admit that it may never happen.

Is there anyone else dealing with this or trying to make their peace with this. How do you feel about possibly never having a child of your own or never finding a committed loving relationship. I'm trying to not make it a big deal and focus on other things, the idea is always there. Everytime I see a couple holding hands down the street or a young father with his kids in the park or engagement ring commercials or or anything featuring two people sharing a life together.

How do you come to accept that this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 3:47pm

I can totally understand now why it will be important to "Make peace with being single"...,

Is that your idea of a fun date with a guy?..., a political rally?

..., and no jules you weren't talking about a date but by the sounds of it you maybe too deep into it, wound too tight to have any fun....,

Last date I went on I took the woman to Gas Works Park and we flew kites..., when she started asking about my last relationship (it could have been politics, or religion too) I told her we could get to all the serious stuff later..., for now I just wanted to have some fun and we could get serious when the time was right. She thanked me because she hadn't been out of the office for awhile and was totally burned out on coffee dates.

Disclaimer; this is my opinion and in no way insinuates you may actually be wound too tight or incapable of flying kites at a local park.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 3:57pm

**but by the sounds of it you maybe too deep into it, wound too tight to have any fun....,**

**Disclaimer; this is my opinion and in no way insinuates you may actually be wound too tight or incapable of flying kites at a local park.**

Actually, that's exactly what it insinuates (because it's exactly what you said).

Buddy, I gotta tell you... with every word, your singlehood is less and less a mystery.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:00pm

Hey.., at least I haven't given up. At least I haven't bogged myself down with unreasonable standards..., I don't profess to be a dating guru..., just a normal guy who's been on the front lines...,

I just got done with a two month stretcht of it..., I thought it was going well..., I definitely was handling her with kid gloves and was taking some BS I normally would have pushed back on..., but all in all this woman had a good heart and for the most part a kind spirit.., after 10 or so dates she broke it off..., I'm not sure why..., but it was nothing big I can tell you that...,

..., lesleylou..., I understand everything you've said and what you are looking for in a man..., but really..., how many years must past being single before you are forced to change those views.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:05pm
But really, how many failed relationships must one have before he realizes he is the one doing something wrong?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:15pm

No I don't..., I can swap my feelings and viewpoints as I see fit..., as the mood strikes me...,

I have different viewpoints on quite a few subjects that center around my mood at the time..., like abortion for example..., a very touchy one to quntify "with my logic".

However, I will note that my singleness has nothing to do with my openess on this board (not that you brought this up)..., I doubt I would have even shared a lot of these view points with women in my life...., it would serve no purpose. My three marriages were good..., that I have an adult relationship with these women today testifies to that...,

Don't take each post as a continuation of the last, or of a series of posts to be grouped like the beatitudes..., no, you can just consider each one it's own tiny little jewel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:19pm

I am not incapable of flying kites in the park, it just doesn't interest me. Just like a first date full of informed, tittilating conversation about U.S. foreign policy in the Mideast wouldn't interest you. As for being too into it, you have no basis for saying that since you know nothing about me. I have a degree in art history and have read enormous amounts of literature - I make jewelry and love live jazz music. But politics is important to me and - just like you would not discuss something that you feel is too serious to discuss on a first date - I would rather eat on old shoe than fly a kite. It takes all kinds to make the world go around. Whether you like it or not, the world needs politicians and especially us policy folks behind the scenes.

I don't make assertions about you being cheap or flaky for taking your date on a kite flying expedition instead of out to a 4 star dinner, so I don't see how you can surmise that I am wound too tightly because my passions lie in the pursuits of the mind and the body politic. Just because my idea of fun is not the same as yours, this does not mean that I am incapable of having any.

You said in one paragraph of your post that it sounds that I am wound too tight to have any fun then you tried to tack on a disclaimer so that you would not be held responsible for saying it.

I also never said that I felt the need to make peace with being single. Had you read my earlier posts, you would see that I keep a positive outlook and know that someday I will meet someone whose interests and life outlook fit with mine. I also said that I did not really aree with the assertion that the dating pool is worse at this age. As I posted earlier, I find that I date much more quality (i.e. appropriate for me) men ath this age than I ever have in my life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:25pm

If you wanted to be taken seriously, you would understand that being logically inconsistent makes your arguments weak. The next time someone asks me what a straw man argument is, I am just going to link to this thread.

If you are inconsistent (even though you say that you have strong views), then people are not going to take you seriously and you should not be surprised.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:27pm

**Don't take each post as a continuation of the last, or of a series of posts to be grouped like the beatitudes..., no, you can just consider each one it's own tiny little jewel.**

How convenient. Then you don't have to maintain any sort of consistency or take responsibility for anything you've said. That's a strange world you live in!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:29pm

Two jewels are better than one...

Hehehe.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:29pm

You said; "But really, how many failed relationships must one have before he realizes he is the one doing something wrong?"

My 2nd wife was a raging alcoholic, that and the prematurity of my son caused that breakup..., but I'll accept 50% and no more..., how does that make it my fault?

By the way.., she didn't exhibit alcoholic behavior until after his birth.

Same with the first..., situations which may or may not have caused the relationship to end..., but in each one I have 50%...,

Yet you're telling me it's me..., you're obviously wrong..., but you won't see me getting all upset about your misunderstanding of the situation..., that's just your opinion of who's to blame..., it really means nothing..., not that your views don't matter, you just don't have enough info to relate..., just as I don't in many of the situations I've commented on..., that kind of logic works just fine for me.

Just like what my sister said "What is the common denominator in all these relationships"..., of course she meant me..., which is just basically mental masturbation..., but to me it meant; it involved a man and a woman..., and this speaks volumes.

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