Making Peace With Being Alone

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Making Peace With Being Alone
105
Wed, 12-28-2005 - 10:04am

I'm wondering if anyone else out there feels that realistically they may not ever find the right guy and may have to make thier peace with being single for the rest of their lives.

Granted, I'm almost 28 and still young, but I don't feel like the dating pool will get any better than what it is now (and it doesn't help that everyone older than me tells me it only gets worse)and I'm trying to accept that marriage and family may not be in the cards for me, no matter how badly I want it. I see so many females entering their 30s and 40s and giving up on finding a man and I think, that may very well be me.

But what bothers me most, I do want a family of my own. I'd love to raise children with a wonderful spouse. But I feel like I have to be realistic and admit that it may never happen.

Is there anyone else dealing with this or trying to make their peace with this. How do you feel about possibly never having a child of your own or never finding a committed loving relationship. I'm trying to not make it a big deal and focus on other things, the idea is always there. Everytime I see a couple holding hands down the street or a young father with his kids in the park or engagement ring commercials or or anything featuring two people sharing a life together.

How do you come to accept that this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:35pm

of course being from the Northwest we are much more accepting to others viewpoints than the rest of the country...

and have you traveled and experienced other parts of the country to back up this statement???

Rubyshoes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 4:58pm

Ruby,
I have travelled quite a bit (Navy boy) but it wasn't to back up that statement..,

..., I was just being sarcastic referring to the statement that I made wild and unsupported arguments.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2005
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 5:01pm

Ladies and Gents...,
I know you won't believe me but I'm really not trying to stir the pot here..., I know this doesn't look good since each thread I end up in winds up with over 90 posts..., but I'm simply stating my viewpoint on the subjects and standing by them...,

..., in this case (not to hijack the thread from the OP) what our standards were and how they related to our status of being single..., the increasing number of women over 40 who have never been married before and what possible reasons back up those numbers..., the inherent genetic impetus for us to pair up..., and how our happiness relates to that..., etc.

I'm sorry if I ruffled some feathers here. I really do enjoy hearing women's points of view in all these matters and I obviously need to work on getting my point across without pissing anyone off..., I guess it all centers around my feelings that this virtual world of ours is not personal, and you never know if someone is who they say they are, and the gloves are off so to speak.

I will certainly try to be a little more diplomatic and I'll refrain from twisting names around because I see it's already caused some confusion.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 12-29-2005 - 6:14pm

You're forgetting- I'm 5'3".

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 3:29am

>I know you won't believe me but I'm really not
>trying to stir the pot here..., I know this doesn't
>look good since each thread I end up in winds up
>with over 90 posts..., but I'm simply stating my
>viewpoint on the subjects and standing by them...,

You really don't understand what we are saying do you.....,? You seriously don't.....,! At first I thought it was just me......, but others have noticed to........., It has NOTHING to do with your opinions................, or that the threads you end up in wind up with over 90......., posts...................., It's the fact that your opinion...........,viewpoint.........,and logic........,in every thread........., changes.........., from one post to the next.........,Let me state this....., more clearly........,

You are........, **INCONSISTENT**......., (Apart from your inexplicable use of punctuation marks)

Believe it or not........., These are the things..............., You have written...............,in this thread alone................,in....,random order.............,

(Punctuation marks have not been altered in any way)

1) Now..., I definitely have opinion and stand behind them

2) I can swap my feelings and viewpoints as I see fit..., as the mood strikes me...,

3) Don't take each post as a continuation of the last, or of a series of posts to be grouped like the beatitudes..., no, you can just consider each one it's own tiny little jewel.

4) but I'm simply stating my viewpoint on the subjects and standing by them.

>I obviously need to work on getting my point
>across without pissing anyone off...,

NO....., You need to work on getting *A* point across and sticking to it.

>and you never know if someone is who they say they are

True. Can you answer these questions please:

1) Are you an Engineer or an Artist?

2) Have you gone through two or three divorces?

>I'll refrain from twisting names around because
>I see it's already caused some confusion.

Wrong again....., Twisting names is......,annoying......, your opinions/viewpoints are causing confusion....., for you and others.....,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:27am

I know just how you feel. I am 27, have been in one "relationship" and that was only for 2 months last year and ever since then, I've missed the feeling of being with someone. I've been on dates here and there but there's just not that connection. I'm like you, I want to be married and have a family and all that, and honestly, I see women who are in their late 30's and early 40's and still single, and for me, that scares me. I don't want to be single for another 10-20 years (or even longer!) but at the same time, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't or can't give me what I need/want/deserve in a relationship.

It's like a Catch 22 sometimes....do I want to be alone and unhappy or be with someone and sometimes happy or wait a little longer (hopefully) for The One to come along?

Sometimes though, the One may not be out there. I'm just not ready to give up yet though.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:35am

Wow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:55am
Hey!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2004
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 3:27pm
Thanks! It's nice to be remembered :)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 5:54pm
I agree with some of the posters that said if we are educated, successful, smart women who treat others with kindness and respect, have full lives or our own and take good care of our health/selves then why can't we expect the same from a man. I have dated men who made a lot less money than me, who were just as short as me, who some of my friends said were not good looking and I could do beter etc etc but the r'ships with these guys didn't end because of those reasons, it ended because there were major charcter flaws or differences in what we both wanted out of life and our goals and sometimes their unwillingness to help work on the relationship and communicate. I don't think that most of us women on this board are setting our standards too high and discounting men because of small flaws, I think we just want someone who is just as secure within himself as we are and the way he lives his life reflects that confidence. We also want someone who has the same goals in life as we do whom we are attracted to. Maybe it is a tall order to ask for but I don't think any of us should settle for something less because we just wouldn't be happy overall. I was talking to a friend the other day and we were both discussing that there are way more men out there who don't have their stuff together compared to those that do and this is why it's so hard for some of us women to find the right one. I'm not bashing men in anyway by saying this and there are men out there that are really amazing and have worked really hard to become the best people that they can be as a result of working on their inner-selves, it's just an observation. I think that it's harder for men to step down and realize that they need to work on some issues that they have that could be helping to cause turmoil in their relationships than it is for women because of the way men were raised to "hide their emotions and feelings". Ok, I'm done now, thanks for letting me voice my opinion.

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