Making strange decisions lately... help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Making strange decisions lately... help!
5
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 10:46am

I'm 35, single and have an extremely high sexual drive. I've even talked with my mother about it and asked if she felt the same at my age, she says to "watch out" that she went throught the same thing at my age and that it only got worse!! Yikes!!

I was recently in a 7 month relationship w/ a guy and our sexlife was less than perfect. (I liked it/wanted it MUCH more than he did!) However now that he's out of the picture I still have sexual urges. Something's happened to me just recently that's opened a sort of "pandora's box" for me as an option for sex. It pleasures my desires however I'm questioning the "morality" of it as it's not really "generally accepted" practice.

I was out one night and met up with a married couple. Long story short I went home with this couple and we ended up "playing" together (no Sex). THEN I was explaining this situation w/ one of my close friends and well... turns out that her and her hubby are "swingers" so they're pretty well versed in the behavior. Can you say, "here we go again!" This second time I was astonished at the difference (first couple - was their first time)! Holy cow can I just say that it was the best sex ever!!

So... These decisions I've made lately leave me feeling just a little scared and I'm analyzing everyhting about it. One part of me feels fine... hey it's non-emotional sex w/ friends and it's always "safe". No one gets hurt, we all have fun, and everyone leaves with a smile on their face! Great! However there's another side to me that is questioning a few things... am I gay (cuz it doesn't seem to bother me either way: boy or girl!)? am I a swinger? What does this mean if/when I do meet a guy that I'm interested in a relationship? DO I stop this behavior or invite him to join? EEK! I just don't know about all this.

Should I seek professional help? am I a freak? Do I never do it agaiN? what if I like it - should I continue? WIll there be any longterm emotional issues that this could lead to? Maybe my ability to do such a thing is a result of some emotional issue?

Oh crap I a mess!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 12:06pm

As far as morality goes . .I just don’t know. I try for the most part to be a to each their own type of person.

I will say this, all other considerations aside, I do not think I could ever watch a woman I truly was in love with be with another man and enjoy it. I have no desire to share. I do not think it is in me for whatever it is worth.

So with regard to men you meet . . .it narrows the pool I would think. Even if they “say” they would love to try it . . people react to the “experience” differently sometimes. My “gut feeling” is this will be a place for caution for the vast majority of people. Time has a way of changing perspective. You were the third wheel, how will it feel when you watch another woman with your man? Just think it through . . this is an area that can have regret attached.

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 12:47pm

VERY good question!! While I was completely fine being the third wheel, I do not feel I'd be completely fine if I had to watch "my man" do another woman. For whatever reason, it's not the same (for me). I supppose too, that would depend on the situation... seems it's a much different situation when there are "emotions" involved. If we were simply talking sex... I'd be "ok" with it? BUT That's a question not a statement....

yikes...

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 1:32pm

Another question . . with real emotion on the table . . how will you feel when you look him in the eye that night after he watched you with another man?

I am not a man that has a hell of a lot to offer a woman. What I do have to give is trust and loyalty . . it would really bother me a LOT for her to not just see me with another woman, but to know I had been with anyone but her period. One is enough for me, and I would want her to trust that, it is just something that is important to me.

Like I say, this might just be me . . but get emotions in the mix and all of a sudden a lot of land mines become real to me. I have know some guys who were really into this life style, they were a little creepy to me. I also have known some women who were bi and were willing to “share”. You would be surprised how difficult it was for them to find and keep boy friends. I could be totally wrong, but my outside observation is narcissistic and controlling men and women willing to try and please them. I know that is not always true, it however is true of most of the people I have been exposed too . ..

As far as the gay question goes, who cares. (-: Be with who makes you happy.

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 3:36pm

There are some other message boards on iVillage that might deal more directly with this issue - Sex, Taboos, etc. You might get a few more responses and advice there.

Good luck. Sounds like a time of rediscovering yourself a little bit.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2007
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 3:41pm

Yes, I finally did see a few more sites/boards where it makes more sense to talk about it all. I'll tell ya, I'm getting MUCH different answers between the two: Taboo & Single Life.

Thx!