is marriage everything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
is marriage everything?
4
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 5:47pm

Wondering if anyone else feels this way..

I know the community is kind of split regarding those who are happy being single and those who are not enjoying it. But for those that are happy right now, do you have any friends who think being married is the most important thing?

I'm 23, and so happy being single right now because I value my independence and freedoms and essentially just feel that I am too young, with too many opportunities, to be tied down and planning around a guy, especially when I want to establish a successful career first and foremost. I understand career is not everyone's first priority.
My best friend was recently telling me about an argument she had with her husband's brother's girlfriend (personality conflicts) and she stated to me that when people do not get along with her it's because they're jealous that she's married and they don't have a ring.

I bite my tongue not to say, you know marriage isn't everything to everyone...everyone has their own priorities and you can't assume people are jealous because you are married. I have seen that being married was clearly her biggest priority but I don't like that she thinks it must be everyone's biggest priority...I guess I also want her to realize it for the benefit of our friendship in case we ever get into an argument and she accuses me of being jealous of her being married...She finds it hard to understand that I'm not big into committment at this stage.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 6:06pm

The next time you hear her say that, ask her, "What makes you feel that way?"

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 12-17-2006 - 6:29pm

I, like yourself, have always been fairly independent and never dropped girlfriends like a bad habit when I became serious with someone. I'm also not competitive with other girls. I've decidedly had only a couple of serious relationships and am in my mid thirties. Some of my girlfriends have been very curious about this fact. One married friend even brought my sexual orientation into question. HA! She even went as far as to say that "she AND her husband felt that I needed to come out of the closet". My own brother has made jokes about the same thing, although, I know he knows the truth.

Anyway, overall, I've only had a few girlfriends who thought I was abnormal, for lack of a better word. Most of my girlfriends have either gained a little bit of comfort from seeing my outlook on being single or at the very least, respected it. I have had a couple who thought that marriage was the end-all be-all, but I just felt sorry for them. They were obviously very insecure, even though they masked it well and really had no reason to be that way. I think people like your friend are just closed minded and can't form their own opinions.

I hate to bring politics into this but I have always been on the fence with voting, etc. I've voted for democrats in the past as well as, republicans. I meet some people who, I won't say which party they support, but it is very clear to me how they came to form their opinions. Everything, for them, is black and white. It's this way or the highway. I don't understand that kind of mentality. These same people, I've noticed, are also quite judgmental. I've gone on a little tangent, here, I apologize.

I'll just say that you should stay friends with this girl. She can't help the way she thinks. I mean, she could, but for some reason she is content with it. You've heard the old adage, "ignorance is bliss"? She probably has NO IDEA how she is coming off to others. You guys are young, maybe she'll change her opinion. Just remember, marriage is very difficult. It's constant work. There are now more Americans choosing to remain single than ever before in our country's history. That fact speaks volumes, to me, anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 5:50am

i am 31
i am not married
i feel that i should have been married by now
and had at least one kid well i cant have kids so adopt
i feel so behind people my age
so far behind i will never catch up

i hate being single
i have been single my whole life
and i just dont like it anymore
i dont want to be independant

speak for yourself
youre only 23

i am beyond worried it will never happen to me
i have never dated
never had a bf
and no i am not itchin for the single lifestyle
i live it becuase i have no choice
but i want to settle down
i dotn want the single life anymore
life is meant to be shard
and if you cant see it that way
then stay single

but by no means dont impose the mary tyler moore thing on anyone else

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2006
Mon, 12-18-2006 - 8:38am
I guess I'm not familiar with the Mary Tyler Moore thing. However, as you can see from my original post I am not trying to impose anything on anyone, I'm not trying to change my friend's priorities - I only want her to realize that while her priority might be the same as some, it might not be shared by everyone, that we are all not the same, so that she can respect others as I respected her when she married young. That is why I phrased the question about those who are happy with being single, to see if they've found themselves in a similar situation and can relate, who may be able to offer advice on what to say next time. I apologize if my original post was confusing and/or misleading.