married friends and their assumptions

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
married friends and their assumptions
15
Fri, 02-15-2008 - 9:58pm

Why do married people just go around assuming that single women have nothing to do with their free time except sitting around waiting for Mr. Right?
A married friend of mine made plans with me to meet for lunch on Monday and just called to cancel. The she asks me if we could meet on Saturday instead. When I tell her I'm busy, she's says, "oh, gee, I figured you were free so I changed my Monday plans around thinking it would be easy for us to reschedule." She's done this before. A few weeks ago she calls me at 9:30 on a friday night asking me to come all the way into the city (over half an hour by train for me) because she wants to go out and her husband is away visiting his parents. I told her it was too short notice. And what does she say in response, "I thought you might not have anything to do and would want to go out."
I wanted to go off on her but she's a good friend oveall and I didn't want to be nasty to her. It's really annoying how she thinks I'll drop everything to see her and that her time is more precious or something.

On another note, she even said to me to the degree of she wishes I'd get married so we'd like "have more in common and more to talk about," or something like that.

I think lately some married friends have just been bugging me overall with how they treat me as a single person. I've noticed these past two months that another married friend has stopped talking to me, and from what she has told me before, I think it's because her husband doesn't like her hanging out with her single friends anymore because he thinks all she's going to do is get drunk and pick up men with them.

Things like this just make me want to spend more and more time with my single friends and start forgetting about the married ones...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2003
Mon, 02-18-2008 - 4:06pm

(that Immodium ad is giving me fits)


I have the distinct feeling that men who don't want their wives associating with their single girlfriends are showing the first steps to being abusive... don't they cut you off from friends & family first?


That's just me. I could be right. I may be crazy... ("but it just may be a lunatic you're looking for... turn out the lights, don't try to save me..." -channeling Billy Joel again, don't mind me :-) )


Mr. Pooh and I aren't married, but many of our friends are. Some are also single, like his best friend from childhood. I bug him to spend more time with him, and have more guys poker nights.


When I wasn't seeing anyone, and living on my own, my co-workers would assume that I either a) partied all the time when I wasn't at work or b) was a hermit with no life.


Hard to have a life when you don't have a lot of friends in the area. And many of my hobbies are solitary - working on my computer, scrapbooking, photography, reading... yes, they can be done in a group, but I prefer my own company.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Tue, 02-19-2008 - 5:59pm
Pooh, I wonder the same thing, about those kinds of men verging on becoming abusive spouses. That's what I wonder about this one married friend who has stopped talking to me. I remember when we used to hang out how she would always say that she needs to hide things from him because he would get mad at her. Or another time he was upset because she was going out with me for the day and he ended up giving her the silent treatment and not answering her phone calls. It's things like this that stand out when I think about the fact that she seems to have completely dropped our friendship. what's so bizarre too is that she used to be very feminist, always into women's rights and independence, even her mom was a super-strong person, so I have no idea how she fell for someone like this.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:34pm

I feel your pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2005
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 12:52pm

Hey there,


I lost a friend not too long ago because of her man.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 02-20-2008 - 8:23pm

If it makes you feel better, I have a single (ex)"friend" who has pushed me into guys because she thinks it's funny.

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