Married Men notice me

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Married Men notice me
7
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 1:46pm
I don't know if anybody has gone through what I am going through right now. I consider myself a beautiful and successful young woman and I am looking for a great relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage. I have notice though that when I am in a crowd of men, the single men hardly will approach me but the married men have absolutely no problem approaching me and hitting on me. I have a couple of male friends that I was really into but they wouldn't give me the time of the day or they won't even take me seriously. Needless to say, they all went ahead and got married but just a couple of months after being married, suddenly, I've become visible to them. Not only have I become visible but they suddenly want a relationship with me. They are married!!!! I am very upset because I come from a country with great superstitions. I am not superstitious but I can't help thinking that I've been jinx or something. It's making me think that I will never get married and that, I will always be the girl married men notice instead of the single men. I am really freaked out because this has been going on for a while and initially, I used to think it was no problem but I've realize that it could be the reason why I am not getting a freaking date. Am I jinx or what's going on?? I really need some imput and I will post this on other message boards because I am really freaking out as to why suddenly only married men are attracted to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 2:14pm
I have gone through the same thing... Here is the thing, they want you because they can't have you. It's as simple as that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2005
Sat, 11-12-2005 - 11:32pm
because men get married and have responsibilities and what not...and it seems to scare them...they can`t go out and hit one chicks at the bars like they did before they married..well they can,but they made a committment to you...the wife is less appealing afte living with he for some time,and seeing her gain few punds when getting pregnant,having a child becomes too much for them,marriage isn`t what they expected...they miss being single..the single women always look better..if there are problems in the relationship the guy will turn to other women......list goes on
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sun, 11-13-2005 - 10:52am

It's because you're "safe" to the married men, but not to the single ones.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 12:36pm

I can relate.

Here's what my conclusion is:

single men still have their options open - so while I'm a good catch... they are holding out for great catch.

married men don't have anything to lose and are happy with "good" catch because in all honestly they don't have options - they just enjoy if we smile back at them.

Single men seem like creeps because they aren't just happy with a smile - they want it all. Married men are ready to eat up the attention because most aren't getting it at home.

The one thing I super stress to my married girlfriends... keep showing interest and attention to your husband because if you're not... someone else is going to and he's gonna eat it up!

P.S. these married men are the same ones that when single wouldn't have given us the time of day cause they were holding out for "great".

I DO think I'm great but not great in men-who-want-a-model, great!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 12:54pm

It sounds like you want to know why this is happening but you also want to change it? Well, assuming I am, it looks like you've got plenty of answers as to "why". I'm sure there are tons of theories and a number of facts as to why this happens, but that doesn't really matter. As long as you're not interested in married men, you don't have to analyze their actions.

Assuming you're not interested in married men, I'd say try and change your social circle a little. If you're just spending time with a certain group of men then you're looking a very small picture of what kind of people are really out there. I'd get exposure to other groups of men, if only to give yourself some perspective.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 6:08pm
I do agree with you about changing my social circles. As I said though, most of these men are friends of mine when they were single yet some how I wasn't good enough for marriage. I do go conferences because of my job and most of the time, the people who will approach me and show interest are married and yet some of them push very far. I am slowly changing my social circle but it's a little hard due to where I live. Needless to say, I am working hard.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2003
Mon, 11-14-2005 - 6:10pm
Thank you all for your imput. I really, really appreciate your advice and I will incorporate much of it into my life style. You've all in your way showed me that, I wasn't alone in this situation. Thank you.