Married women who complain........!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Married women who complain........!!
8
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 5:22pm

Hi,

Gee.......I guess I'm really catching up on my posting lately!! lol.

At my new job, there is a girl (young-ish......I would say somewhere in her mid to late twenties).......married, with two young children.  She was saying how hard it is the other day and that she'd rather be at work.......I had a laugh with her over that.  It does sound like she gets a bit of the short end of the stick (she has to drop off the kids at daycare *and* pick them up).

This morning we were training together on something and she started saying how she feels like she's had no independance and her whole life has just been about saving money......living with your parents and then getting married.  She has, however, shown me pictures of her kids and you can tell that the home she lives in (along with the area) is very nice.  I don't think that materially, she is wanting for anything.......and she has the security of family (and extended family) around her......I know her cubicle is filled with family pictures and big family celebrations she had on her birthday.

I guess I just found it frustrating because all I've *had* is independance........and so much frustration regarding lack of money to have any kind of lifestyle......the last 10 years or so have really been a struggle.  I do like the apartment I'm in now (e.g. not a basement), but every so often I do see a cockraoch (e.g. once a month) - I keep the place extremely clean and spray bleach down the sinks constantly, etc. but it is what it is when you live in an older, city building.

Anyhow.......I guess the downfall is comparing yourself to anyone else because all of our experiences are unique.  I did say to her - well you *do* have a husband and two kids and she continued to complain.......

I guess she's been bugging me a bit because she is the one who basically keeps asking about the circumstances of my employment (she is full time.....landed the job after working blue collar for her husband for many years), while I am on contract.......

It must be a case (on both sides) of how the grass is always greener!! But I have to whine whine whine and complain because some of us would give our right arm to be in her position........I do know, though, that the husband could be a complete jerk....... 

Mel :)

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 04-10-2013 - 7:45am

Married people only annoy me when they behave as if I am strange for the choices I have made.  There are positives and negatives on both sides of the fence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 5:02pm

Yes I agree with Music.. but yes marriage takes work between two people.. It can be good and then it can have its ups and downs. That is what a marriage is??

Some people are not cut out for marriage and some are ..... Well I was a single parent and I had to work and raise a child and now that is hard. I had no one to help at times when i wanted to rest I couldnt. When I wanted to go out I couldnt so there are certain sacrifices in life that we have to make. Its about choices.. So if you are not cut out for marriage and kids dont do it and if you are hopefully you will find a partner who is good.. Its the yin and yang.. and each partner picks up the other one when they fall and its a major committment..

Now I know my first husband left me and our son because he didnt like being married.. Okay.. but it def. hurt me and our son to the core.. In walks mentally ill exH 2 and that was another disaster so of course now at my age of 58 I have a very cynical bad taste in my mouth but that doesnt mean marriages arent good..when they are with the right people..

I still believe in marriage no matter what but each person has a choice as to do it or  not....CHOICES.. arent they grand..

sorry if my post is all over the place. My thoughts are all wonky lately (lol)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 1:05pm

Well yes, bad marriages are scary but there are good marriages too.  I'd say practically all of the marriages in my family are good and long term.  You know, you always have someone around to support you, someone to hang out with, someone to talk to when you come home from work--it's not always perfect but what is?  And yes, sometimes kids can be a pain and time consuming, esp. when they are little, but they also bring rewards to your life.  My kids are grown up (24 & 17) and I really enjoy being with them as people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2011
Tue, 04-09-2013 - 9:12am
Wow, hearing about married life has the exact opposite effect on me, it scares the crp out of me. Whether calling it complaining or reality of married life from them - hearing about balancing kids, work, the every day good and bad of married relationships that can't be escaped because they live with each other....frightening. And really makes me appreciate my unmarried life. Don't like the current girlfriend or we don't get along anymore? Great, no big deal, then she gets booted or she boots me. Start over and with no lawyers.
 
I remember one day hearing a coworker distraught over her adult daughter having another kid with an unemployed drug dealer. My biggest decision that weekend was whether I wanted to go the movies or hear some live music in the evening.
 
The grass is usually always greener.....but in this case, it seems kind of brown on that side of the fence.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 11:17pm

It is so true.  The grass is always greener.  But I know that I have it better than many married women I know.  I wouldn't put up with their hubbys for a microsecond. not all of these guys are princes, not even a fraction of them. Also, taking care of small children is no picnic.  Just go to any mall or grocery store and listen to the wailing. 

But I know what you mean.  I get tired of listening to married women whine, too.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 8:06pm

  It is always like that.  Write down on a piece of paper exactly what you want.  Then write why you think that will bring you happiness.

   Then on another piece of paper think of all the actions,and experiences that brought you pleasure

Compare.

chaika

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2002
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 7:09pm

Hi,

Yes, you're absolutely right.......such is life.......lol!!

From a single perspective though, I think sometimes married people think we live in a beer commercial.......endless supplies of parties, money, beer, etc......with no responsibility.  Unfortunately sometimes we have *more* responsibility managing a household on our own.......

I think they should do a single person/married person swap!! Then we'd all really get the dirt!! :)

Mel

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 04-08-2013 - 6:18pm

Hi Mel.

well that just about sums up life doesnt it Mel.. It seems that the single people want what the married people have and the other way around..

you know my cousin told me about a year ago that he would love to be me.. All free and unattached and do whatever I want with no one to tell me what to do.. Meanwhile he is married and not too happy about it.. He said to me just have fun and dont dwell on the lonliness and go out and do whatever the heck you want. I do but of course I always want someone in m y life.. So it must be human nature or I wonder if we can strike a balance .. I only thought about this more as I age and thinking can there be someone who just wants to be in a something relationship and accept me for who I am and visa versa.. Hey; maybe that is too tall an order eh!!! Maybe that just doesnt exist in a not so perfect world so we all have to do the best we can and hope for the best..

Oh; well such is life right??

Take care