The Marrying Kind

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
The Marrying Kind
7
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 8:54am

There's this guy I see once in a while and, truth be told, think about a little more than once in a while. Finally, I ask a friend about him. She, in turn, asks another friend who comes back with this: "He's a very nice guy. Kind, successful, strong, talented, etc. but he's just not the marrying kind."

Now, not that I would take this person's opinion too seriously but I got to thinking. Is there a "marrying kind" vs. a "non-marrying kind"?

I've known a few guys in the past that could be described this way, but now, they are all married. And happy. I think they just hadn't met the right person at the right time but once they did, commitment was no problem.

So, what do you think? Can a man just not be the marrying kind?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:20am

Good question. Let's see. I feel there are two possible options, that may or may not, work together. I think a man can date wonderful, beautiful and succesful women, but if they are not ready for anything serious, than they will not commit. These women can have everything going for them and are complete catches, but he still would not recognize this, because he is not in that marrying frame of mind. Second senario is, they meet the love of their life, so they are more willing then ever, to settle down. I think both of these senarios might work together, as stated before, or they are different for each person. I wish I knew :)

But for your situation, I say, "go for it!" Who cares what one person says about another. Just be smart about it and see what happens.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 9:27am
Oh I have no doubt my little crush will not end because of this person's statement. hehe ;-)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 11:37am

Not to be cynical, but if there's even a hint of competition with this friend of yours (who I assume is a woman), then take the comment with a huge grain of salt. A comment like that could very well be made to try and throw you off the track and eliminate the competition.

In answer to your question, I do think there are men who are not the marrying kind. I dated one for five years, unfortunately. I think he had such amazing qualities that would make him a wonderful husband and father, but he had some pretty serious emotional issues he hadn't addressed. Until he does, I doubt he'll get married.

For his sake, I do hope he does become the marrying kind - but he's not there yet.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 12:59pm

The idea that this "friend of a friend" woman's attitude came from being rejected by this man in the past did cross my mind.

I have a feeling you hit the nail on the head with the "emotional issues" comment. So many people get into marriages not having dealt with these issues and end up in even worse shape than they were before. Maybe it's a good thing that there's a "non-marrying type" and we're all saved from them.

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Fri, 01-27-2006 - 5:35pm

I think it's a code for "player," "bedhopper," or "committment phobe," all of which could be true or untrue, depending on how well you know someone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 8:13am
Yes I think it is possible that there are guys that are so messed up emotionally that they will never marry. Iri
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2005
Sat, 01-28-2006 - 3:12pm
I thought about that but turns out, she hasn't spoken to the guy in almost a year so she's not sounding like a very good source of information any more.