I am starting to wonder if we are just becoming a self obsessed nation. Are parents so focused on me, me, me, that they don't notice or don't care?
You sound a lot like me. When my nieces come over, I am strict. When I take the two out that I have posted about here on the board, I have to stay on them constantly. If I get distracted and leave them to entertain themselves, they would be doing exactly what you described.
Last week I took them out to dinner and they were horrible. On the way home I told them that I was going to go out and purchase two clown hats and if they start clowning in public, they'll have to put them on. Their mom called me after I dropped them off. She said they were freaked out by the clown hat talk and she told them that she was sure I was kidding. I wasn't.
ITA with you! UGh!!! Can't stand that attitude. I am a 4th and 5th grade teacher and I am appalled by how some children act. I made it one of my missions this year to teach them the words "entitlement" and "gratitude". They now know and understand these terms (they were illustrated by behavior they displayed in class that irritated me) and I use them whenever needed to remind them of their manners.
Honestly, though it IS frustrating, it's not the kids' fault. They learn what they are taught. I am sad to say, many parents clearly do not think these basic values that we speak of are important. I have decided that *I* will do my best to teach them what they don't know. I realize parents are not to blame for every last thing a kid does or doesn't do, but it IS their job to correct them when they are being bratty and have an expectation for behavior (be it in public or school or at home). My mom always comments about how we were all complimented as children for sitting through dinner in restaurants (not running around like banshees) and she simply says "you were expected to sit politely." If you set a standard, kids will learn quickly.
I'd have a tough time handing out stickers and candy to brats. Perhaps it wouldn't be so customer service friendly to say "we only give those to children who behave really well and DON'T ask for them", but it's what I'd be thinking!!!
I'm glad others feel the same way. Sometimes I wonder if I just simply don't like kids...but the thing is, I LOVE kids...who are well-behaved and don't act like brats and have a sense of entitlement. I mean, I know every parent has moments where their kids bug the crap out of them (my coworker has two little boys who I consider "well-behaved", but she's always complaining about their behavior at home lol)...but I refuse to accept that all kids are greedy little monsters. So many adults these days say, "oh, they're just kids." Well, I was a kid once, too, and I was still expected to act in a certain way and not like a little barbarian.
I mentioned this word before and I think it applies here as well - "narcissism."
We are raising our kids to be little narcisists. (I say "we" but I don't have kids - I mean our age bracket.) We have, in my opinion, gone WAYYYYY overboard with trying to cater to the self-esteem. I want to grit my teeth whenever I hear a parent say "GOOD JOB!!" to a kid for something as minor as washing her hands after she uses the restroom, for god's sake. That is NOT a "GOOD JOB!!" - that is standard self-hygiene.
And it persists everywhere - having "graduations" for first graders, having gigantic birthday parties for two-year-olds, not allowing your child to fail and to learn from his or her failure, and being taught that little Johnny can get or do whatever his precious heart desires.
It would be a bad idea for me to be a mom, in this day and age. I would be a "mean mommy" because little Johnny would NOT get a cell phone, would NOT have a video game in his room, and would NOT get a television in the minivan. He would learn to say "please" and "thank you" and he would get a slap on the rear end for disobeying me. So it's probably better for me to stay childless. :)
I agree. I complimented a group of kids the other day on behaving appropriately during reading center time. They had done a poor job the day before. They immediately asked what they were going to "get" for it. These are not my homeroom kids, so had missed the lessons on entitlement and gratitude from the beginning of the year. I scolded them, asked why a "thank you" wasn't compliment enough for behavior they ARE SUPPOSED TO display and wouldn't let them go back to their homeroom until I stopped everyone for an impromptu reminder lesson on "entitlement" and "gratitude". I had my homeroom class explain. UGH! I mean, in a classroom, we HAVE to have some kind of management system and rewards are part of that, but I am NOT going to reward you every darn time you do what you are supposed to!!!
I know parenting is tough, but I swear parents make it harder on themselves and the rest of the world by not imposing limits and teaching these simple concepts.
When my nieces threw a FIT about the clown hats, I told them that if I had acted as they had in the restaurant when I was their age, I would have been marched to the nearest restroom, had my pants pulled down and received a thrashing like none I'd experienced before. They replied: "REALLY!?!?!" As if spankings were just some wives tail or something ; )
All kids have their moments but there are some pretty darn well behaved kids out there. I'm like you, I expect them to respect their elders and know how to behave in public ; )
Cell phones: My nieces got cell phones a year ago (9 & 7) and the seven year old left hers in a dressing room, at the mall, on my watch. My brother called ME and asked ME to go back and retrieve it. He went and picked it up the next day ; )
You said -- "I absolutely, positively cannot STAND it when kids ask for the stickers/lollipops."
This reminded me of an incident many years ago involving an ADULT coworker. At some point, I had ended up with some hard candy at my desk. Coworker walked by & stopped to chat. No problem. During the conversation, I offered her a piece of the candy. She accepted. Life & work went on.
Until, she started routinely stopping by my desk & asking for candy, getting more pushy each time. The final straw was the day she stopped by & DEMANDED a piece. All I could think was, 'Do I look like a vending machine? Because if I do, you owe me money, you stupid cow.' After I picked my jaw up off the desk, I told her that I didn't have any more. After that I made it a point not to keep stuff like that at my desk (or not where it was visible anyway).
Eventually the coworker was fired (for what was essentially gross negligence). Since she had been getting on my last nerve for any number of months, I can't say I was sorry to see her go!
Pages
I am starting to wonder if we are just becoming a self obsessed nation. Are parents so focused on me, me, me, that they don't notice or don't care?
You sound a lot like me. When my nieces come over, I am strict. When I take the two out that I have posted about here on the board, I have to stay on them constantly. If I get distracted and leave them to entertain themselves, they would be doing exactly what you described.
Last week I took them out to dinner and they were horrible. On the way home I told them that I was going to go out and purchase two clown hats and if they start clowning in public, they'll have to put them on. Their mom called me after I dropped them off. She said they were freaked out by the clown hat talk and she told them that she was sure I was kidding. I wasn't.
Edited 5/7/2007 11:45 am ET by cfk_3
Hahaha!!!
ITA with you! UGh!!! Can't stand that attitude. I am a 4th and 5th grade teacher and I am appalled by how some children act. I made it one of my missions this year to teach them the words "entitlement" and "gratitude". They now know and understand these terms (they were illustrated by behavior they displayed in class that irritated me) and I use them whenever needed to remind them of their manners.
Honestly, though it IS frustrating, it's not the kids' fault. They learn what they are taught. I am sad to say, many parents clearly do not think these basic values that we speak of are important. I have decided that *I* will do my best to teach them what they don't know. I realize parents are not to blame for every last thing a kid does or doesn't do, but it IS their job to correct them when they are being bratty and have an expectation for behavior (be it in public or school or at home). My mom always comments about how we were all complimented as children for sitting through dinner in restaurants (not running around like banshees) and she simply says "you were expected to sit politely." If you set a standard, kids will learn quickly.
I'd have a tough time handing out stickers and candy to brats. Perhaps it wouldn't be so customer service friendly to say "we only give those to children who behave really well and DON'T ask for them", but it's what I'd be thinking!!!
Michelle
Well, I DO deal with children all day and I can tell ya, that isn't what any reasonable person would consider acceptable.
I mentioned this word before and I think it applies here as well - "narcissism."
We are raising our kids to be little narcisists. (I say "we" but I don't have kids - I mean our age bracket.) We have, in my opinion, gone WAYYYYY overboard with trying to cater to the self-esteem. I want to grit my teeth whenever I hear a parent say "GOOD JOB!!" to a kid for something as minor as washing her hands after she uses the restroom, for god's sake. That is NOT a "GOOD JOB!!" - that is standard self-hygiene.
And it persists everywhere - having "graduations" for first graders, having gigantic birthday parties for two-year-olds, not allowing your child to fail and to learn from his or her failure, and being taught that little Johnny can get or do whatever his precious heart desires.
It would be a bad idea for me to be a mom, in this day and age. I would be a "mean mommy" because little Johnny would NOT get a cell phone, would NOT have a video game in his room, and would NOT get a television in the minivan. He would learn to say "please" and "thank you" and he would get a slap on the rear end for disobeying me. So it's probably better for me to stay childless. :)
I agree. I complimented a group of kids the other day on behaving appropriately during reading center time. They had done a poor job the day before. They immediately asked what they were going to "get" for it. These are not my homeroom kids, so had missed the lessons on entitlement and gratitude from the beginning of the year. I scolded them, asked why a "thank you" wasn't compliment enough for behavior they ARE SUPPOSED TO display and wouldn't let them go back to their homeroom until I stopped everyone for an impromptu reminder lesson on "entitlement" and "gratitude". I had my homeroom class explain. UGH! I mean, in a classroom, we HAVE to have some kind of management system and rewards are part of that, but I am NOT going to reward you every darn time you do what you are supposed to!!!
I know parenting is tough, but I swear parents make it harder on themselves and the rest of the world by not imposing limits and teaching these simple concepts.
Michelle
When my nieces threw a FIT about the clown hats, I told them that if I had acted as they had in the restaurant when I was their age, I would have been marched to the nearest restroom, had my pants pulled down and received a thrashing like none I'd experienced before. They replied: "REALLY!?!?!" As if spankings were just some wives tail or something ; )
All kids have their moments but there are some pretty darn well behaved kids out there. I'm like you, I expect them to respect their elders and know how to behave in public ; )
LOL. I'd be a "mean mommy" too!
Cell phones: My nieces got cell phones a year ago (9 & 7) and the seven year old left hers in a dressing room, at the mall, on my watch. My brother called ME and asked ME to go back and retrieve it. He went and picked it up the next day ; )
You said -- "I absolutely, positively cannot STAND it when kids ask for the stickers/lollipops."
This reminded me of an incident many years ago involving an ADULT coworker. At some point, I had ended up with some hard candy at my desk. Coworker walked by & stopped to chat. No problem. During the conversation, I offered her a piece of the candy. She accepted. Life & work went on.
Until, she started routinely stopping by my desk & asking for candy, getting more pushy each time. The final straw was the day she stopped by & DEMANDED a piece. All I could think was, 'Do I look like a vending machine? Because if I do, you owe me money, you stupid cow.' After I picked my jaw up off the desk, I told her that I didn't have any more. After that I made it a point not to keep stuff like that at my desk (or not where it was visible anyway).
Eventually the coworker was fired (for what was essentially gross negligence). Since she had been getting on my last nerve for any number of months, I can't say I was sorry to see her go!
Pages