Me Again

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Me Again
15
Sun, 09-29-2013 - 7:52pm

I hope all of you are doing great.  And I'm sorry for not posting a heck of a lot here lately.  Have had some things on my plate that I've been trying to sort out.  But anyway, I have a question for all of you.

Do any of you find it difficult to make plans with friends?  Here lately it seems as if when you have the money to go out and do something, there isn't the time to do it or when there is the time, there isn't money to do it or your friends have other plans such as working or going out of town.  The last time I hung out w/my close circle of friends was in mid - late July.  And of course, I'm the only single person in my circle of friends, too.  I asked the girls if they wanted to get together next weekend for much needed girl time but one is working next weekend and the other is going out of town w/her hubby to visit family.  However, we all hope to get together at her Halloween party on 10/26 which I plan on going to.  It just dawned on me though, that once again, I'm single and alone.  Whenever I try to plan something w/friends, no one can get together most of the time.  And it makes me feel sad.  I'm alone yet once again.  Everyone else is married, has children, and living their own life.  And then there's me - the single girl who's always alone.  I've tried doing the meetup thing but the groups I joined always have events an hour away or it causes a conflict w/my work schedule.  

I feel sad, alone, and a little depressed.  I almost feel like I shouldn't bother any more trying to make plans with friends because we all work or everyone else already has something planned.  They have someone to lean on and come home to.  And I (like most of you), don't.  Does anyone else feel this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2008
In reply to: gleannfia
Mon, 09-30-2013 - 9:49pm

xxxs, I agree with you on this, but I think the way we view this sort of thing is in the minority in society.  Frankly, I keep so busy in a very people-oriented profession that I breathe a sigh of relief when I do not have to talk with anyone.  I am very comfortable with doing things alone, sometimes it is better that way!  It seems like there are so many people out there who are toxic, I am very seldom lonely, though it does happen once in a while.  I do think the nature of our fast-paced society means that we don't have as many good friends as we once did.  I honestly do not worry about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
In reply to: wishful78
Thu, 10-03-2013 - 3:04pm

I understand how you feel.

For YEARS I was always the single gal and for the most part- that was by choice. (I've had a horrible breakup and was nowhere near ready for a partner). What I became tired of was all of the "you will find someone special" comments.

What if I wasn't looking for someone special? What if I was choosing to be on my own? To answer that, I decided that I need to me enough for me.

One day while complaining to my boss about the single life (mind you I was in my early 20's at the time), she throws down her pen in disgust and turns to me. "Nad215, what do you do when you go home"? she asks.

"What do you mean? I do nothing".  I reply.

"No you don't. Not every day. Tell me what you do" she presses on.

I roll my eyes like a 20-something does and say "sometimes I read a book".

"Ok, what else?" Boss asks.

"Sometimes I go to Macy's and look at shoes. Sometimes I take a bubble bath. Sometimes I watch my guilty pleasure Lifetime channel. Sometimes I'll go to a movie or meet up with a friend for a drink".

Boss looks at me and says "I can't remember the last time I did ANY of that. I work 60 hours a week, have a husband at home, two teenagers, a nasty ex-wife on his side, and two step kids. I haven't cracked a book, put a toe in a bubble bath, seen the TV remote, a movie or a friend alone in forever.  Right now you may be a bit bored but you have the freedom to do what you want whenever you want. So shut up about it".

I'll never forget that conversation with her. It put so much about my life in perspective.

Enjoy being with you like I learned to. Friends have their own schedules and busy lives. I’m not saying that you have to give up on them or stop trying but right now is a great time to get to know you again.

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
In reply to: wishful78
Sun, 10-06-2013 - 3:21pm

Hey there.  I am not posting much these days either but because my ipad won't let me(?).  I have two desktops but they are excruciatingly slow so I rarely even bother to turn them on unless I need to print something . . . and aside from that I am going to keep this short because this is my second try (actually using the desktop, too) . . . I just wanted to tell you to keep your chin up and know that you aren't alone.  I know it may seem like it at times, but you aren't . . . I think everyone experiences everything you noted in your post, even coupled individuals.  Hopefully for everyone here, the good days well out number the bad ones :)  Try to keep smiling and stay positive :) 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
In reply to: wishful78
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 5:42pm

I do have a single gf and for 50/50 she's available but sometimes she can't b/c of her son's schedule. During these times, meetup groups are nice b/c you can go as a solo person. Sometimes I don't want to be around strangers then of course, I would just stay home and talk on the phone with a couple of long distance freinds.

I go to a church small group. They are already friends. One of them is a friend from college and the rest are friends of hers. She's married with two young children but she's open to including single friends on ther outings but many times I dont want to tag along with husband and kids you know. Yes, it's tough, unless you have a bf, it's hard to have a ready companion. When I had a bf though he took up all of my time. I think for now, I'm OK. I'm the type that feels empty when I'm a lone so I need constant companionship but not neccessarily with the same person. I'd like to be with my gf's or with a group too.

Now, between the church small group, my single mom gf, my family (I do get together with them once a month or so), a couple of long distance friends, and small groups, I do find things to do/people to talk to.

I can't say I feel fulfilled but generally somewhat content and not so lonely.  

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
In reply to: wishful78
Mon, 10-14-2013 - 5:42pm

I do have a single gf and for 50/50 she's available but sometimes she can't b/c of her son's schedule. During these times, meetup groups are nice b/c you can go as a solo person. Sometimes I don't want to be around strangers then of course, I would just stay home and talk on the phone with a couple of long distance freinds.

I go to a church small group. They are already friends. One of them is a friend from college and the rest are friends of hers. She's married with two young children but she's open to including single friends on ther outings but many times I dont want to tag along with husband and kids you know. Yes, it's tough, unless you have a bf, it's hard to have a ready companion. When I had a bf though he took up all of my time. I think for now, I'm OK. I'm the type that feels empty when I'm a lone so I need constant companionship but not neccessarily with the same person. I'd like to be with my gf's or with a group too.

Now, between the church small group, my single mom gf, my family (I do get together with them once a month or so), a couple of long distance friends, and small groups, I do find things to do/people to talk to.

I can't say I feel fulfilled but generally somewhat content and not so lonely.  

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