Me Ego is Smashed

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Me Ego is Smashed
53
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 8:50am

So lately my self esteem and ego have been crushed because as I am alone alone and have been going out on the scene for years and been on dating sites and have gotten some dates nothing has come about. We all know that I have said I have a better chance at getting shot by a terrorist

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 10:32am

I think if you compare yourself to other people, you are always going to end up feeling bad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 10:44am

yes and thank you Music.. I always love hearing your respones as you are a very grounding type of person.

I used to have a friend who grounded me all the time but we no longer are friends.. so I might want to find someone to groundme when I am feeling like this.

My sis yes is not good in relationships for sure but the fact that she even gets dates shocks me. That is the part that is shocking that she even gets a date with her bad personality.

she even had a guy interested in her when she was waiting in line at the airport and trust me she is not a beauty queen or even has a good demeanor or anything..

go figure

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 10:47am

Haven't we always known people like this though?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 11:03am

wow. that is a good question and I am not sure I have the answer to it but the only one thing I can think of is that she doesnt really talk .. she reminds me of that actress who just did nothing and sat around all quiet and victimized and very like Oh; poor poor pitiful me.. Do you know that actress?

She plays this victim and appears very weak as a woman. You know men love that I think.but that is just the initial beginning of it.

But here is the twist.. I guess after she gets the guy she turns into her real self. the controlling woman.

wait. am I making sense??

Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 2:12pm
Wow, music took the words right out of my fingertips. I think that comparing yourself to other people is a big no-no. I don't do Facebook for that very reason. All you are going to see - or let's say most - most of what you see on Facebook is going to be people at their best. I guess that's great if you are perfectly happy in your own life but if you aren't, it's almost an alienating feeling to see everyone's lives tied up so perfectly in a big, red bow.

Another thing music suggested, that resonated with me was, everybody has their strengths and weaknesses. I sense that with you, people get what they see. There's no guessing involved. I love that! It's so refreshing. You aren't going to turn around and pull this other personality out of the closet when someone's back is turned.

I loved what you posted a while back, the jist of which was to enjoy the little things in life. It was the day you met some women while running errands on foot around town. Please read this quote: "He smiled understandingly–much more than understandingly. It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced–or seemed to face–the whole external world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just so far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey." -F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

-- I'd venture to say, some would trade in a gazillion dates for a tiny little bit of your charm and authenticity...I know this doesn't help Mr. Right to magically appear from the sky - and I know you're lonely - but it could always be worse! You could be lonely and be a miserable person and I don't think you are...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 2:38pm

OH; CFK. YOUR POST MADE ME CRY AND THANK YOU .. THAT TOOK EFFORT AND THOUGHTFUL THINKING TO WRITE THAT.

I so wish I was one of those less drama people and could think more level headed at times but that isnt me. I guess you are right like Music we are who we are and sort of stuck with us and no matter what we do if others see it then great but if not there loss.

Is that what you meant??
thanks again..

PS.. Oh; I agree with the facebook thing.. I am so addicted to it ever since losing my job and all and things were going down hill.. Anyway; I see women on there in relationships and they own homes and have boyfriends and

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 4:34pm

I can't think of the actress you mean, but I think there are a lot of people who do that--at the beginning they act really nice or they pretend to be someone they are not, but then as soon as they get the other person hooked, their real behavior comes out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 4:36pm

My son just had to read The Great Gatsby for school and since I hadn't read it myself since high school I decided to read it again over the weekend.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 5:08pm

I can barely remember the Great Gatsby but didnt it take place where I live..on Long Island.

Anyway; I think the actress was Tullulah Bankhead maybe or the gone with the wind woman... I will worry about it tomorrow.

you know those damsels in distress types.. demure and quiet and standoffish type..

Help me out here.

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 04-02-2012 - 6:12pm

Yes you make perfect sense.

dragowoman

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