meeting new people?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
meeting new people?
Sun, 07-20-2003 - 11:09pm
Okay, I was in a very serious, long term relationship, that recently ended. My problem is, all my friend are either married or in serous relationships and a lot of them have kids. Even my bosses and coworkers are all married. So, my question is, how do I meet new single people? Thanks
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 11:23am
Well, you can go online and "troll" the personal ads. That's what I did after I'd lost 100+ lbs, and in fact that how I met my now-XH. I don't blame the ads for that--XH just misrepresented himself--and I plan to return to that once I feel up to the task of dating again.

I had a system, when I was single, of trolling the ads. I'd answer ads only during the first week of the month; I figured those were newer and fresher faces. Then I'd read them 3 times: the first to get an overview, the second to actually select perhaps 5-6, the third to weed out those down to perhaps 2-3. Then I'd call and listen to their voicemails--and pay CLOSE attention to their voices; you can tell a lot about a person from their voice. If I didn't like the voice, I wouldn't leave a message--and some months I wouldn't answer any at all, or I wouldn't select any at all.

Bad times to answer the ads are October to March. By October everyone has their dates to get them through the holidays, and they dump them right after Valentine's Day, so new ads start popping up again in March. Sounds cynical, but after having trolled for over 10 yrs, you do start to see a pattern.

Of course, you can always do the events thing too. I like live theater, so I go to a lot of plays. I'd go alone too, and you'd be surprised at how often I'd meet people--women and men--who see this single woman, dressed to the teeth, walking in so self-assuredly. I know it sounds like BS, but trust me, it works.

Bottom line is, stick to your genuine interests and follow them; by pursuing that, you'll find a like mind or two that possibly interests you. That's one of the upsides of being single; you never know what's around the corner, and it's the not-knowing that makes it such a challenge.


Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 1:40pm
I don't have much advice beyond what was already given (find interests, stick with them, take a class, volunteer, etc.), but I want to say that you are not alone. This is a VERY common question, and lots of women have trouble making single friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2003
Mon, 07-21-2003 - 4:00pm
You know what bothers me about this whole thing? All those non-single friends, family, and coworkers who, once they become "attached", never seem to go anywhere WITHOUT their SO. As if since they became a couple, your friendship is now based upon that couple. Does this seem to happen to the rest of you too? I make a discernable effort to make sure my friendships survive both with me alone, and with me as a couple... why don't others see it the same way?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 3:47pm

Sometimes yes and sometimes no, it depends on the friend. but I know what you mean with the ones that do, it bothers me too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 08-16-2003 - 7:13pm

let me guess... you're probably in your late twenties or early thirties, right? my guess is based on the fact that if you were younger, you'd have single friends, and if you were older, you'd have divorced friends ;-)

need new friends? join some activities. volunteer. take a class (gosh i miss school just for this reason alone - it was so easy to make a new buddy there). start a new hobby.

i'm making it sound easier than it is. ever since i'd lost my last single friend to coupledom, i've been trying to make more single friends. and i've somewhat succeeded. the problem is that you have to make an extra effort to keep in touch. when you're older, new friends just aren't that big a priority...