Meeting place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Meeting place?
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 10:32am

A guy I met online wants to meet for coffee for the first time.

I am wondering if I am wrong to feel this way.

I suggested a place convenient to  me but he wants me to go up further north which is convenient to him.

I had a past experience where I had to travel during rush hour in a jammed subway to meet a guy for coffee close to where he lives.  After that I felt stupid for putting in all the effort. I wasn't interested in him at all.

I feel like, as a guy shouldn't he put in more effort? I get the feeling that he is lazy and I am not sure if I want a lazy bf.

A guy friend told me that I shouldn't  travel up to meet a guy. Let him come to me.

Would you agree to meet at the place he suggested if you were me?






iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 11:03am

I suppose it depends how far away you are talking--if it was 15 mins. then I wouldn't care.  I'd say if you lived an hour apart then you should try to find somewhere in the middle.  I'm not one that things the man should make all the effort but if the guy lived an hour away & he didn't want to meet at least half way, then I wouldn't bother.  I mean there are coffee shops everywhere.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 11:14am
Honestly, I think he should come to you but I would at least make him meet me halfway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 11:56am


Ideally you should meet halfway. But at this point he owes you nothing at all - you are strangers and if he can't be bothered to come to you that's entirely up to him. You can always  just forget about  him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 12:40pm

We are not that far away from each other. We live in the same city. He does not like driving downtown where I live. So he is asking me to go uptown to where he lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 1:05pm
Reply also to Music.

It will be another 25 min ride for me. I guess you are right. I should't care about it.
It will be closer to where he lives than it is for me.

It is just a first meet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 2:00pm

Wait a minute, you should care. This guy clearly told you he doesn't like driving downtown and you live downtown. You think that will suddenly change? Doubtful. Sure we could figure that if you two were a couple it is more likely he'd want to suck it up and drive downtown, but maybe not.

I think this is a good opportunity for you to put forth an expectation early. You don't want to always go to him (and he probably won't always want to come to you), so go with the halfway suggestion everyone else offered. It's perfectly reasonable and it keeps you both on equal footing regardless of the outcome. Then if there is to be a second date I'd go with halfway again. Your first few dates are for getting to know each other so you don't need to be really close to his place or really close to your place. But if halfway is a problem for him in getting to know you, then yeah you'll have discovered he's lazy and can move on.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 2:26pm

Well I believe you live in Toronto so that's big city--now I live in the suburbs but work in Boston--I would understand if someone said they didn't want to come into downtown Boston & drive for a first meet since parking is really really expensive & hard to find a place at a meter.  so in that case I'd make an exception if parking is expensive or hard to find "downtown" and it's easier "uptown."

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 4:51pm

I too think meeting half way is better.  One because it would more likely be "neutral" territory.  Second for safety.  Not knowing where one lives.  Is important for safety and so they cannot just "drop" in.


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 1:50am
The last time I did OLD I met several guys, including my DH, who lived near downtown and did not drive. I don't drive either, and I lived in another city about 10 miles away. I took the bus into downtown for the first few meets/dates with each of them because I am really familiar with downtown, but they were not familiar with my area at all, and I know from experience that taking the bus to someplace you don't know for the first time is kind of scary, especially at night when you can't easily read street signs. After the first two or three dates, if we made it that far, they started coming to my city as well and I never felt as though laziness was an issue.

Those guys I met that drove, and lived in areas I wasn't familiar with, all of them met me close to home, and I probably would not have agreed to meet them otherwise.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 8:27am
This guy drives and is not far from me. He does sound a bit lazy. This might sound bad, he seems to have a very high opinion of himself, so prob think I should be lucky that he is willing to meet me. Yikes

I have met guys who came to my area for a meet even though they lived a lot farther than this guy.