Meeting place?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Meeting place?
12
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 10:32am

A guy I met online wants to meet for coffee for the first time.

I am wondering if I am wrong to feel this way.

I suggested a place convenient to  me but he wants me to go up further north which is convenient to him.

I had a past experience where I had to travel during rush hour in a jammed subway to meet a guy for coffee close to where he lives.  After that I felt stupid for putting in all the effort. I wasn't interested in him at all.

I feel like, as a guy shouldn't he put in more effort? I get the feeling that he is lazy and I am not sure if I want a lazy bf.

A guy friend told me that I shouldn't  travel up to meet a guy. Let him come to me.

Would you agree to meet at the place he suggested if you were me?

 

 

 

 

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 9:11pm
Well since you aren't too interested in this guy, hopefully you're chatting with others who may be more appealing.
Follow me to Coping with Job Loss

Follow me to Birth Control

--------
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 8:32am
Your post echoed my thoughts but you expressed it better than I do.
I think this all moot now.
Earlier I cannot view his profile since I am not a paying member and the pic I saw was really small. I asked him to email me some pics and he did. He is from a culture that I absolutely have no interest plus he is not my type. His attitude kinda irks me.

So if he wants to meet me, he has to come to my area on a weekend. Traffic is light on a weekend so he got no excuse. Plus the place I suggested has free parking. If he does not want to come, then so be it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 8:27am
This guy drives and is not far from me. He does sound a bit lazy. This might sound bad, he seems to have a very high opinion of himself, so prob think I should be lucky that he is willing to meet me. Yikes

I have met guys who came to my area for a meet even though they lived a lot farther than this guy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2006
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 1:50am
The last time I did OLD I met several guys, including my DH, who lived near downtown and did not drive. I don't drive either, and I lived in another city about 10 miles away. I took the bus into downtown for the first few meets/dates with each of them because I am really familiar with downtown, but they were not familiar with my area at all, and I know from experience that taking the bus to someplace you don't know for the first time is kind of scary, especially at night when you can't easily read street signs. After the first two or three dates, if we made it that far, they started coming to my city as well and I never felt as though laziness was an issue.

Those guys I met that drove, and lived in areas I wasn't familiar with, all of them met me close to home, and I probably would not have agreed to meet them otherwise.
Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 4:51pm

I too think meeting half way is better.  One because it would more likely be "neutral" territory.  Second for safety.  Not knowing where one lives.  Is important for safety and so they cannot just "drop" in.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 2:26pm

Well I believe you live in Toronto so that's big city--now I live in the suburbs but work in Boston--I would understand if someone said they didn't want to come into downtown Boston & drive for a first meet since parking is really really expensive & hard to find a place at a meter.  so in that case I'd make an exception if parking is expensive or hard to find "downtown" and it's easier "uptown."

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-03-2009
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 2:00pm

Wait a minute, you should care. This guy clearly told you he doesn't like driving downtown and you live downtown. You think that will suddenly change? Doubtful. Sure we could figure that if you two were a couple it is more likely he'd want to suck it up and drive downtown, but maybe not.

I think this is a good opportunity for you to put forth an expectation early. You don't want to always go to him (and he probably won't always want to come to you), so go with the halfway suggestion everyone else offered. It's perfectly reasonable and it keeps you both on equal footing regardless of the outcome. Then if there is to be a second date I'd go with halfway again. Your first few dates are for getting to know each other so you don't need to be really close to his place or really close to your place. But if halfway is a problem for him in getting to know you, then yeah you'll have discovered he's lazy and can move on.

Follow me to Coping with Job Loss

Follow me to Birth Control

--------
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 1:05pm
Reply also to Music.

It will be another 25 min ride for me. I guess you are right. I should't care about it.
It will be closer to where he lives than it is for me.

It is just a first meet.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 12:40pm

We are not that far away from each other. We live in the same city. He does not like driving downtown where I live. So he is asking me to go uptown to where he lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Wed, 08-15-2012 - 11:56am

 

Ideally you should meet halfway. But at this point he owes you nothing at all - you are strangers and if he can't be bothered to come to you that's entirely up to him. You can always  just forget about  him.

Pages