men and paying for dates

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
men and paying for dates
4
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 4:00pm

What are your thoughts on men paying for dates? do you think men should pay for the first date? Or do you get kind of turned off when they ask for money from you or accept your money when you offer it?

I ask because a friend of mine has been dating a guy who she feels is kind of cheap. He often expects her to split the bill and there have been times he's just waited for her to pay the bill. But there have been times that he's paid the full bill. She was particularly annoyed last saturday when she went to the outback with he and his roomate. I geuss they ordered things like steaks, appetizers, drinks and dessert. My friend just got a bowl of chowder and 2 beers. When the bill came, she offered $40 and i really dont know why she did this...he said $40? that's too much and kept $20. She felt annoyed. She's not in the greatest financial situation right now and he knows this. I feel that he should have just said, dont worry, i got it. I mean it was $20 and she had waay less to eat than them...he also makes a lot more money than she does

Myself personally, i admit I think it's gentlemanly for the guy to pay for the first few dates. I of course offer, and i dont know if it's just old school rules, but it's just reassuring or somethign when the man pays. After a few dates, i'd like to pay for him, etc. What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2004
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 4:14pm

I have NEVER dated somebody who made me pay on the first date. But, I always offer to pay my way, too.

I am not really sure where I stand with the beginning dates about who should pay and who should accept. Like I said, every guy I have dated refused letting me pay my way. If the guy makes significantly more money, I think they should pay in the beginning. But in general, it should be a trade off. Maybe the guy pays for dinners out and the woman makes him dinner at home.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2005
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 4:21pm
well i did go on a date in March where i was asked for money. The guy had originally asked for my #, called me and asked me out, etc. We went to a restaurant and split a meal (we werent that hungry) and had drinks. I even saw some friends there who sent us a drink over. I offered to pay, he said no, but maybe i could pay for drinks after. We went somewhere else after and were chatting, when the bill came, i barely noticed and he said, why dont you just give me $20. I was kind of suprised, i know i offered, but i just gave him the $20...we did go out one more time after that and i offered again, but he said no this time...i just find some people's dating behavior odd. Maybe mine is too for all i know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2005
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 4:54pm

In your friend's situation, I don't think that counts as a date. She was out with the guys, which would make her one of the guys. It would be appropriate for her to chip in for her part of the bill. Or if both of the guys make considerably more than she does and they all know it, they could pick up the bill and she gets the tip.

Concerning dating, I do expect the guy to pick up the bill, especially if he has arranged the date. If it was a mutual arrangement, I often offer to pick up the tip or the lesser of the expenses of the date... to protect his "manliness". ;)

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-15-2006 - 6:01pm

I prefer that the guy pay on the first date, but after that I usually try to make it pretty even.