To the men on this board.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2007
To the men on this board.....
43
Wed, 09-05-2007 - 11:15pm
I've noticed there are quite a few men on this board. I was thinking that we women should take advantage of that and get a few tips from you guys! I know you respond to many of our subjects, but I was wondering what random advice you could give us women about men??? What are some of your peeves about women you date, how often a woman should make the call, typical dating tips for women, things maybe we overlook. It would be a breath of fresh air if you could advise! What are your deal breakers and such. I'm looking forward to your answers!

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Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 12:41am

I don't consider myself a typical man especially for this board since I'm 54, an introvert, "sensitive," don't like spectator sports, and... In fact I had to read a book written by a lesbian to understand what a typical guy is like (Self-Made Man: One Woman's Journey into Manhood and Back by Nora Vincent).

My dating experience: I've been dating since I got divorced 7 yrs ago. I have dated women who ranged from 40 to 60.

With that said, I still answer your questions because it's a good thought provoker...

What are some of your peeves about women you date. Pet peeve is that if the woman is not interested then don't make me call and hear excuses that will carry over several weeks before I realize that you don't really want to go out with me.

Don't make me guess. My last relationship was for a year and a half. Our first date was dinner and I did not have a clue that she liked me. Later I found out that she REALLY liked me. Duh. I need to be hit over the head please or at least kissed *grin*

Another peeve is that you have not gotten over the last guy and using me as the transition guy or the rebound guy. Most people (men and women) are not conscious of using people like that but tell me truthfully about the last relationship and how you feel so at least I can come into this with my eyes wide open.

How often a woman should make the call. I believe that we are adults and if we already established that we like each other then why not call? How often? Depends on the connection between us two.

What are your deal breakers and such. My deal breaker if you lie. If I ask if you are dating others then tell me (not a deal breaker but it's annoying).

Random advice: Like what most have said here - trust your instinct. With that said I will also advise is to cut us some slack. I believe that we all have gone thru the "wars" of bad relationships and are somewhat gun shy and are *looking* for something that is wrong/bad about the guy. Look for a pattern of behavior rather than a single incident that will cause you to run.

Another piece of advice: Do your work. I believe that the people we attract in our life are for a reason and are mirrors of us. If you are attracting losers then look at yourself and work on whatever piece in you that is doing that.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 4:45pm

I am with Mark . . I don't think I am "typical", mostly just because I "will talk". (-: Like mark, I also am not a big sports buff . . not the "Alpha" personality most of the time. It just isn't my style.

Anyway . .. peeves:

No, I really don't know what you mean.
No I really didn't know what you meant.
Do, I don't know what you wanted. (You said you didn't want to go, how does that mean yes?)
It was a complement, smile! Don't make me defend it.
I don't have ESP, if you want to talk, dial. (-:
Big Lies. (Tell me you "not dating" and it turns out you are, deal breaker.)
Mean it if you say it. (See above) (-: Promises not made cant be broken.
Why do we have to do all the work? You can walk up to me in a store too! (-:
You are not a 'queen". You deserve to be treated as you treat others. So be nice. (-:

Men are simple creatures. Aside of the "players" . .. most men are exactly what you see in front of you. (-: We may not be talking a lot, but we are there. Look for consistency more than touchy feely conversations. I liken my breed to dogs. Tell us what you want, reward us a little when we get it right, and show us a lot of affection . .. we are pretty happy. (In my case I love to cook, but for most men you may have to add feeding!) And although most men wont admit it, they are terrified of women, and like being attached as much as you do.

Speaking of players, that is a peeve with me too. Women who "complain" about the players, but insist on that "perfect" approach and follow up that only gets polished and perfected with the "practice and experience" a "player" develops. Where is the rocket science in this? If you like shallow don't whine to me about them being what they are. Really! Real guys who stick with someone for a while don't get that good at meeting new people! Its just silly. A guy who stumbles a little on the first date is not stupid, it might just be a "good sign". (-: Otherwise stated, any guy who has you girls all figured out is a "MASTER CON". LOL Don't you know that? (-;

I get cremated all the time for this, but my general advice, don't always wait for the guys. The phone calls, he made it a day to soon, a day to late . .please. He called. (-: I like a girl who takes responsibility for her half of the relationship. I mean from top to bottom, from the first date to sex . . jump in . . don't wait for me to try and figure it all out. You know how I got good at sex, girls told me when I was doing it wrong! Don't go home disappointed, correct it on the spot! Just give the same effort and risk you ask of us. If a guy runs from you he was just playing anyway. If he is interested in you, he will be fascinated to know who you are and what you like and enjoy. (-;

It is impossible to tell you what "men" want any more than any one woman on this board could tell me what the all other woman wanted. A few rules of thumb are out there, but everyone is different. I do think with men keeping it simple is important. Be direct. I believe the majority of men need to get hit over the head like Mark said. (-: I like honesty, depth, passion . . . I work hard, and I'm sure I always will, so simple needs are important. I'll never have my own jet or anything. (-: I want a partner, and that is a balance of strength and understanding, of submissive and aggressive behaviors . . . . I raised two daughters, I don't want a third to take care of, I want a woman to live life with.

Well, to many interruptions while I am trying to write this, Mark did a better job I think, but between everyone we might get some decent conversation on this. (-:

We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 4:54pm
Am I the only sports fan on this board???? :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 5:10pm
Am I the only sports fan on this board???? :)
********************
Well, the way I see it . .if I have a choice of watching grown men play with each other on the weekend, or maybe taking some time to play with a grown woman myself . .. hmmmm . . lets see . .. . .choices, choices . .(-:
We in America do not have government by the majority. We have government by the majority who participate.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 5:17pm
LOL Well, normally guys' eyes open a whole lot wider when I start talking batting averages. Of course that's not why I like sports, I was born in a Boston sports fan family (football was the ONLY thing on our TV on Sunday). It's just a benefit. :)
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 5:35pm

Nope, not the only one ;-)! I'm a big baseball fan and originally from Boston, so I'm hoping the Red Sox stay ahead of the Yankees down the stretch! I was hoping the Mariners would do better against the Yankees to help out in that regard (and stay closer in the wild card race as well) but no such luck other than the one game we won.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2007
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 7:12pm
Not at all. I tune in regularly every four years for the Olympics.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 09-06-2007 - 11:38pm

LOL


Go ANGELS and as a favor I'm an Eagles fan this season.... but I don't have anything other than basic cable so I rarely see a game.








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Carrie

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 12:53am

I grew up watching my Father watching the (football) Giants and the Yankees (with his Yankees cap on). I went to undergrad school in Boston and lived in the shadow of Fenway. The only major league game I saw was the Tigers and the Yankees when I was in Cub Scouts. So the whole baseball-sports watching thing just did not rub off on me.

I must admit I felt like an outcast when I was growing up with the rest of my male peers.

I just recently saw the Mariners and the Athletics at suite in Safeco. I actually enjoyed it (had a lot to do with me being in a catered suite).

I have seen the Portland Trail Blazers a couple of times but only because they had scout night when my son was in Cub Scouts.

Spectator sports just doesn't do it for me. However I would go with a group of friends to a Portland Timbers soccer match.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Fri, 09-07-2007 - 9:52am

Yeah, I know...when the Mariners won the first game, I thought maybe they could pull it out (especially since they lost two to the Devil Rays). We still have a pretty good cushion, but I'm not taking ANYTHING for granted.

It's definitely fun living in Boston during baseball season. I have my seventh game at Fenway (this season) coming up. :)

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