Men Who Always Talk About Their Ex's...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2007
Men Who Always Talk About Their Ex's...
7
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 6:53am

Does this happen to other ladies or is this just happens to me?

I've noticed that most of the men i've dated always seemed to be talking about their ex's. Whether it's an ex-girlfriend or an ex-lover or an ex-female friend that turned into something intimate...i always get to hear stories of past conquests.

When i first meet a guy i tell him maybe after one or two dates about my most current ex-boyfriend and why it ended and that's it. He is never mentioned again unless asked in a specific situation. However on my side the guys never seem to keep quite about their ex-flames,whether it's the one that they were madly in love with or the one who turned psycho on them; i get to hear it all and i'm never asking.

I just wanted to know if this happens to other ladies, or am i being petty in not caring about a guy's ex's. Is this a way you can get to know a man because i now find myself rolling my eyes when i first meet a guy and the first thing he wants to talk about is a beautiful ex. If i try to steer the conversation away to something else he'll maybe bring up something similar that included someone he once dated.

Why can't we talk about other things like the weather, or cool vacation spots and stuff? Why must it always be about some other girl? Or do i have a stamp on my forehead that reads "Please tell me about ex-girlfriends before this can go any further". Just wanting to know from the ladies if this happens to you alot and for the guys have you any idea why?

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 7:50am

It is tiresome, isn't it?

I had to laugh: I once met a guy through the personals who brought photos of his NAKED ex-wife to show me the first time we met. Mind you, we were both fine art photographers and I'm certainly OK with nudes...but come on! Another guy I met through the personals was recently divorced and talked a lot about his ex-wife. I just think he wasn't over her. Oh, and then there was the obnoxious man I talked to from Match.com that made sure he told me he had dated a woman for about a year that he met on Match that had a PERFECT body. This guy was an a**hole anyway and I chose not to meet him, but the perfect body comment alone would have scared me off. I look OK, mind you, but perfect?

I think it's hard to say why men talk about their ex's. I think in many cases they just aren't over them yet. In other cases I think they are really trying to keep you at a distance. Some I think are just clueless. Some are narcissistic and only know how to talk about themselves anyway. I'd love to hear from some of the guys about this. I've always heard that it was a HUGE no-no to even say the word "marriage" or "relationship" on a first date. I know I never do. And I don't talk about my ex husband. If asked, I deflect the question for a later time...like months later.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 8:59am
Agreed!
I think some guys may be insecure and are trying to prove that they're desireable (see! other girls have dated me!) and some are trying to keep you at a distance for fear of being hurt. And then there are those who're trying to prove their Casanova qualities.
I have learned though, that if a guy starts going off about all of their exs being pyschotic that its generally the man who has the issues.
I've been trying to view all of my ex experiences as learning opportunities, and I won't discuss the effect of an ex on my life until I've been dating a guy for awhile. And I will never answer questions about the number of past intimate partners. As long as the person I'm with has been tested and uses protection, then mine and his past are just that.

~Heather~

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2003
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 1:07pm
The last guy I dated brought up exes quite a bit and mentioned on several occassions how hot his exes and female friends were. It got tiresome real quick.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2005
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 1:50pm

how annoying! Some guys I've dated have talked more about exes than others. The one I'm currently dating has talked the least, and it is quite refreshing. He's told me of relevant past relationships, and I have too, but otherwise, we tend to jokingly pretend that there's been no one before. I like that.

I think that talking a lot about exes relates mostly to maturity in a guy. In my experience, the talking hasn't been done out of arrogance, just obliviousness. Maybe wanting to see a reaction, or just to fill the empty space in conversation. Who knows? But I'm fine without it. :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2007
Wed, 07-25-2007 - 10:17pm

I once went out with a guy who kept telling me how he dated all these models and would fly to London one weekend with one model, and Brazil with another. All the while I'm sitting there thinking "So what are you doing here with me?" It wasn't a self-confidence question, but he knew me well enough to know i'm not a jet setting, clubbing kind of girl he is so obviously used to.

Though, the height of absurdity came when he kept bringing up how he would love to get into those exclusive parties Paris Hilton attends, and talking about how gorgeous he thinks she is. Ah well, to each his own.... :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2005
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 12:59pm
I hate that ! Pretty much every guy I've dated has talked about their ex. Sometimes its ok to hear the "what happened?" story, but other times I really dont want to know about how they went a picked out a dog together or where her dad worked or some vacation they went on together. I almost never bring up an ex. I dont know why guys do it. Probably to say "Hey I was desierable at one time!" or their just not over her ??
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 07-26-2007 - 6:47pm

I think it's mostly about proving their worth.