Mind made up! Need validation tho..
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| Fri, 10-21-2005 - 1:50pm |
I met a Frank two years ago thru common friends, I liked him.. However he never paid much attention to me at all, after two months of friendliness i met his best friend Adam who showed interest in me, and since nothing had happened between Frank and I, I started dating Adam... For a year it was really really casual, afterwards things got more serious, although we were together, we never really put a title on anything.. after a few months i decided that I didn't want this anymore and I just wanted to be in a normal relationship with a man who would (for example) just sit down and watch a movie with me, and spend the rainy days lounging in bed.. just a NORMAL relationship which he couldnt give being caught up with the hustle bustle of life, and literally being the man of the hour (He has TOO many friends and is overly dedicated to work..) I said that to Frank one night who understood exactly what i wanted and agreed that Adam could never give that to me... So the following day we had the 'talk', and we proceeded to be friends.. Throughout this Frank and I developed a telephone relationship.. i kept trying to keep it platonic however the attraction was undeniable..
One night, Frank called, and i went to see him, the inevitable happened and we kissed.. for what seems to be an hour.. it was all so G rated but there were fireworks... The next day i was on cloud 9, and sooo happy.... until he called to ask if it was ok to tell Adam what happened i said yes... And he did.... Adam took it well from his buddys end but all hell broke loose when he spoke to me.. He was upset at me for disrespecting him like that and not telling him that i had any interest in Frank, and wondering if i had been thinking about frank all along and if my intentions were calculated to cause harm....
I explained to him it was mutual... He spoke to Frank again but this time he really upset.. Frank had kept it simple and not mentioned details to him when they talked, Adam assumed I planned the situation, when i showed him it was mutual he was just as mad at Frank as he was at me... Frank not wanting to lose his friend said he wouldnt be with me anyway because im the EX.. and thats that..
I was upset that frank would say this my hurt worsened the situation.. Frank and Adam stopped talking.. Adam called and said he wants me out of his life.... which was fine.. then I tried to speak to Frank and he said he doesn't want to speak to me any longer since the whole situation caused so much damage.. and that he doesnt want to be caught in a love triangle and he is CONVINCED that I used him to make Adam jelous in an attempt to push him into a relationship with me.. I apologized for the harm ive done.. and told him that i really did like him and i didnt mean for any of this to happen.. but it was too late...
Adam called me later that night and wanted to see me, i said no. he said he reconciled with Frank.. and that I shouldnt try speaking to Frank again because he just wont speak to me.. he invited me over, just like old days, and said it's all behind him now.. I still said no..
Truth is I did love adam at one point, but the lack of attention was killing me.. and initially i started speaking to frank hoping he would tell adam what a great person i am. i never expected to fall for him as i did.. and i really did not expect Adam to react the way he did as he had asked me the previous month if I was seeing anyone new... etc.. acknowledging that indeed it was over between us..
Now Frank wants nothing to do with me, and i hurt him badly, since he did open up to me, and he didn't expect me to be using him WHICH I DIDN'T! but he wont listen to reason.... I dont know what to do... i really really liked him and never meant for this to happen although it seemed otherwise Adam and I really were over!...
I decided to not get caught up with Adam again and fall into that comfort zone cycle.. and not try to speak to Frank.. but if life has us run into each other one day after all wounds are healed maybe we will be together....
Is there anything else I can do? is that the right decision?

That's just too much drama for me.
Frank broke the guy code, Adam didn't want you, but didn't want anyone else to have you either, and you're playing ringleader between the two.
too bad the emoticons dont have a boomerang. Dont you feel like one goldsplash?
I know i would. I would not want to play monkey in da middle with these guys.
for one thing frank doesnt give a fat rats behind about your feelings since he used you when you were down...before you even had the chance to tell adam you even had these feelings of confusion and were wanting to end it. Now that the deed is done all 3 of you are hurt and you may even get hurt worse if you decide to stay with adam even after the best buds make up and try to keep their friendship going. The way i see it is if you remain with frank, adam will grow to resent you and frank over time and eventually detach himself from frank.
Look...several years ago...geesh im gonna age myself here...im 37 and the same thing happened to me ..only when i was 16. I was dating a nice boy. seeing him and his buds all the time when we all had theater practice and program nights for community theater.
what i did was not cool. During one practice day I ended up in the back seat of my sisters car with my boyfriends best friend since they were 6 years old...they were 18/19 during this time. ok...no i did not lose my virginity but the action was steeming up the windows. The third friend of the two caught us thus ending any further action(and saving my virginity at the same time).
HE confronted that boy that i was with about it and they decided to hold off telling my bf that night...to spare any fights in front of the entire cast and crew. What i failed to realize at my neive age was he would eventually be told. When that day came i got a letter in the mail(he was too chicken to face me)...he told me he was informed and that i ruined his friendship with that boy and they have not spoken since. I ran across that X-bf net info quite a few years ago and i contacted him. We talked for hours and he let me know that to this day he and this fella do not speak. My X-bf said he broke the guy code and that was not cool to him but he also could no longer go on with me ...for several other reasons added to this one. at the end of our conversation we wished each other well and have gone on with our lives. He has forgiven me but the memory will always be there.
it takes two to tango. IT takes a proud man do stick to his wits and a weak man to let his buds walk over and over him. It takes a woman to know when she has made a mistake, owns it and lets both go. IT aint easy...but its the right thing to do.
forget about a relationship with them and anyone they may know.
good luck