mistakes we single gals make

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
mistakes we single gals make
11
Tue, 08-14-2007 - 7:50pm

It's occurred to me over the last few weeks that my single friends and I have certain common characteristics. After reflecting recently about why I'm still single at the age of 31, I realized that I and all of my single girlfriends have one big thing in common-- we are all TOO NICE and we give the wrong men TOO MANY chances, thus wasting our precious time and youth on the wrong people. We're all nice women, kind hearted, fairly quiet, accomodating even. I am guilty of this, and I've noticed that while my friends who are now married have always been very quick to cast off guys who do not treat them well, my single friends and I have always given these men the benefit of the doubt. For example, when a guy I initially liked who I went out on a handful of dates with ghosted on me and unexpectedly stopped calling me, one of my single friends suggested I send him an email and not give up on him just yet. She was so certain I should give him another chance. Certain married friends of mine would have said, no way, he's an a****** and not worth it. Next!!

Another married friend refused to talk to her ex-boyfriend after they broke up. She wouldn't allow herself to go down the road of becoming his friend with benefits or even just calling him to say hi. She cut him off, and then one day he came crawling back and now they're married. My single friends, on the other had, have mostly agreed to be friends with benefits with exes and other men who are not willing to fully commit to them. One single girl I know dated her ex for years before they broke up. He was awful to her, yet still, to this day, she takes his calls in hope that he will change for the better.

This all has made me wonder-- while I attribute the fact that I'm single partly to bad luck, I also believe that I am also responsible for it because of my own actions and reactions to bad dating situations. Anyone else wonder about this and whether or not we are really our own worst enemies when it comes to dating and dealing with men? Sometimes I really do wish that during college I was tougher and more demanding with men. It seemed to have worked for all of the girls I know who are married now.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2005
Sat, 08-18-2007 - 12:28am
I know I'm my own worst enemy. My last boyfriend was an alcoholic. Even after this became clear to me, I kept dating him. He wasn't abusive or anything, but his main priority was finding the next opportunity to get drunk. I've figured out that the reason I keep dating guys I know I shouldn't be with is because I'm afraid no one else will come along. I'm only 26, but I feel like I'll never meet someone I could spend the rest of my life with. I also start doubting my attractiveness when I don't have a boyfriend. I suddenly become afraid that I have nothing to offer. Even though I know intellectually that it isn't true, when a relationship ends, I always blame myself.

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