Misunderstood

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
Misunderstood
16
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 5:24am

I post my thoughts and I know everyone is going to lash out or want to slap me or something because I am crazy or am wrong but what am I supposed to do when everyone I meet is the same...the old line about you're not looking in the right places-well then, where do I look?...or you havent found the right person yet...blah blah blah.

This isnt just a meeting girls and falling in love thing...this has to do with my family, my friends and the opposite sex as well...I have never felt I fit in anywhere, Everyone seems to look at me strange...I feel like the whole world is a party and I walked in and everyone looked at me like "who the hell is that and who invited him". I spent the holidays alone last year...neither of my parents cared to make plans with me, not that I have ever been close with them anyway. If I dont hunt my friends down to hang out with them, I would never see them. My troubles with women is well documented so I wont bother talking about that. I'll call this what this is...a pity party... boo hoo... but you know what...all my life I hear people say "just be yourself"... I have been myself and it has gotten me a big steaming pile of loneliness and emptiness. So the whole world can go #### itself!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
In reply to: antisexy
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 9:11am
I am not trying to br flip at all when I say this but it sounds like you may need professional help. This post is a laundry list of emotional problems that really need addressing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
In reply to: antisexy
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:00am
I agree with auntjules. Just because you THINK others are looking at your strangley or that you have been turned down a few times doesnt' mean that you should think that you are a freak or not good enough or not attractive enough. Never put that label on yourself. Who cares what others think or MAY think. As long as you know that you are a good person with great qualities to offer. You need to start loving yourself first and foremost before you go looking for a relationship because unless you can love yourself you cna't love another. I would start listing good things about you and stop thinking of such negative things because it's not helping the situation. I understand that you are frustrated but we've all been there but it doesnt' mean that we are going to put ourselves down for it. We all vent but we dont' call ourselves names. If other people were judging me for some reason I would think oh well, they can think what they want to but I know that I'm a good person and I'm not going to let others viewpoints of me affect how I see myself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: antisexy
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 10:30am

I understand that dating can get you down sometimes. I also know that alcohol only magnifies these feelings when you have been drinking. It sounds like you had a tough night. Try not to let that get the better of you.

One thing I have learned in my many years of wisdom, 30 to be exact, is that when you focus on being alone, it will only make you more miserable. Try to see how your life right now is BETTER because you don't have any obligations holding you back. I think the majority of us here, know how you are feeling. But sometimes learning how to being okay alone and that it will happen one day, is always the hardest. Don't beat yourself down. You are no less of a person because you are single. Take that energy and focus on keeping yourself happy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
In reply to: antisexy
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 12:19pm

The people I am around? Thats possible, I do have a friend who takes steriods to meet girls...but lets be fair, I see EVERYONE complaining about people they meet and know. Its hard to find a decent person to be friends with or date. Nice decent people are hard to find. It's not as if I am the only one on here with shallow friends....shy posted about her friend a few weeks ago who was embarassed to go out in public with her bf b/c he wasnt built. My point is shallow people are all around, it's hard to get away from, so where do decent people hide? The grocery store? The library? support groups? churches?(don't get me started on church, it's part of the reason my parents and I dont really speak anymore)

As far as professional help...I spent a good portion of last year in a....I'll call it a theraputic resort. I have had therapy off and on since I was 14. Therapy never really fixes anything, it helps, it temporarily soothes, but eventually you have to get back to real life and experience it and realize nothing gets any better...people are still jerks, people are still dying, starving, going to war, hating each other, building nuclear bombs, spreading diseases, everything, everywhere I look...in my own life and all around the world all I see is crap. I wonder why I even want to fit in sometimes...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: antisexy
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 12:28pm

Therapy only works if you have insight and good judgement. Therapy only works when YOU take control of YOUR change. A therapist cant and shouldn't change you; you do that for yourself. Depending on the therapy, it DOES take a long time and it doesnt stop when you leave the doctor's office. And perhaps you didnt have a good match with your previous therapists. But most folks that have gone through therapy have found it to be very helpful. Again, its all about YOU in therapy and how YOU can change yourself.

And you're right. The world is a crappy place sometimes. All of that is superficial. Therapy doesnt change that either. You have to learn to roll with the changes, roll with the punches. Sometimes, as selfish as it is, you have to just focus on your own problems and not the problems of everybody else. Sometimes, once you can do that, you can start empathizing with everybody else. If you're in touch with yourself, instead of worrying about the superficial, then you'll have greater meaning in your life.

Just my thoughts.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-19-2006
In reply to: antisexy
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 12:42pm
Shallow people are all around? You can't get away from them? I would have to disagree. You have the choice to remain friends with these people. I can honestly say that my friends are not shallow. That is because I had the choice to get rid of the ones who made me feel poorly. Is everyone human? Yes, but when it is affecting your own life, then you should re-evaluate your friendships. If you cannot let others not affect you, then you need to do something about it either internally or externally.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: antisexy
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 12:46pm

No, therapy doesn't "fix" anything, unless YOU do the work necessary to take a different approach to life. It doesn't make problems go away, but it does (if you have a therapist who is a good match for you, and you work at it) give you tools to deal with it differently.

Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, why don't you *do* something to address one of the problems you list? And believe me, I love a good pity party ;-), so I do understand where you're coming from!! But at some point you have to say "ok, enough is enough, I'm not going to sit on my pity pot one more minute." One person CAN make a difference.

Sheri

Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: antisexy
Mon, 06-26-2006 - 1:38pm

You know what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: antisexy
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 8:41am

I'm late jumping in the fray here, but I'll take a crack at this, too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2006
In reply to: antisexy
Tue, 06-27-2006 - 12:23pm
I am getting to the point where I dont even want to know anyone.

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