Mr. Mixed Messages

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Mr. Mixed Messages
7
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 1:02am

I met this guy online over the summer and for the most part he seems nice. But he confuses the hell out of me. We have had 9 dates and he only wants to text as far as communication, even though I dropped a hint that I would like to talk on the phone. He has hinted heavily that he does not want to always initiate communication, but lately it is mostly me. He got upset that I did not stay the night at his house even though he has not tried to kiss me(he admitted that he wanted to sleep with me)! He complained that he chased a woman(before me) and was mad at himself for liking her more than he thought she liked him. I'm not gonna obsess over this, but a little advice would be appreaciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2006
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 3:21am

how old is he. He sounds immature. I can't imgine dating someone for several months and not talking on the phone, sex without kissing is strange too. I hope you're not crazy about him b/c you don't want the heartdache b/c of not being sure you're loved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-25-2013
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 8:23am

If you are having to make most of the effort, he's not worth your time. A guy who doesn't even attempt to kiss you starting on the second date is really strange. For future reference, you need to have a little more confidence in stating your needs. Instead of hinting that you want more than texts, state it loud and clear. Your needs matter. If a man is really into you, he wants to please you and will make efforts to stay in your life. Men are actually attracted to confident women instead of withering violets who put up with their BS. When a relationship is frustrating, upsetting, unfulfilling, etc., it means the guy isn't the right one for you. Believe me. The right guy will let you know how much he's into you, and there will be no guessing involved. Dump this headcase and move on. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 9:10am

 He is 40 and divorced, maybe he has unfinished business from that seperation. Thank you for your response and encouragement!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2004
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 9:13am

 Yes, he should definiteIy be wanting to see me every chance he gets and if he is not into me the way he should be, I will continue to be dissapointed. I appreciate your encouragement and insights.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-16-2001
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 10:14am
I'd move on if I were you. He's not giving you what you deserve. When the right guy does, it'll be so much better and you will have no doubts about how he feels.
Avatar for cfk_3
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Sun, 11-03-2013 - 10:50am

Are you keeping your options open?  You could always keep him around for your plan B or C;  stick him in the casual dating file and when/if he takes the initiative to contact you (and you have no other plans) you could still see him here & there.  I don't encourage game playing but I can tell you from personal experience that these types will *sometimes* step up their game when they suspect that you are seeing other people (he could be dating other people as well). 

Have you tried to kiss him?  You could playfully bring it up the next time he's being flirtatious.  Surprisingly, I can think of two people I know (one male and one female) who do not like to make out.          

Avatar for xxxs
Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 11-04-2013 - 7:05pm

 It seems that this person lacks the passion you desire.  In this world there are many people who are not good together.  This  as you describe it has no balance.  I disagree that all men chase for that is not true.  What is true is men do not take hints.   If you desire a man just letting him "know" by subtle hints is not always sufficient. 

    But this is a game in which he controls.  I suggest seeing others.  Always have more than one beau.

Goldfish