my bitter sweet story (really long )

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
my bitter sweet story (really long )
24
Wed, 02-29-2012 - 12:02pm

It's been a long time since I posted here. It was because I was kind of in a relationship with a ....married man. We met exactly 5 months ago and I posted asking about friendship with married men. You were all right, it was a dangerous thing to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 4:12pm

I was cheated too and I never blamed the other woman for that and I never will. In my mind, it's the responsibility of the commited person. No matter how attracted he is, he should say no if he doesn't want to hurt his partner. I'm not a hypocrite, what I apply to his wife, would apply to me as well. That's why I'm not feeling so bad. Of course if I knew her, it would have been a different story.

For me it wasn't just nice and/or fun. It was so strong that we couldn't think about anything else, we couldn't sleep, we simply couldn't be apart. I'm sorry, when it's like that, even if the wife is there, people just don't resist. And those who do, I admire them.

And of course, he downplayed a lot his commitment to her in the beginning (I guess because of his infatuation), so by the time I understood the situation, it was just too late. And even now, he doesn't talk about her as of someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with. He says that he doesn't know what could happen and it's true. I think you know that vows or not, nothing is forever.

I noticed on these boards that in the US people talk a lot about these vows (I don't even know what it is exactly). It's not the same thing in other cultures. For many people (including him and me) marriage is just a way to legalize their relationship, it doesn't make it any stronger or longer or whatever. He married her to be able to sponsor her, before that, they simply lived together. I know other immigrants who did the same. Not that they didn't love the person, but the main reason was immigration.

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 6:53pm

There are two kinds of vows: one is legal, the other religious. The religious one is pretty clear: the whole "death us do part" and "forsake all others." Plus, if you subscribe to the ten commandments, there's that bit about adultery.

Legally, there is no obligation to stay married, but I'm not sure what happens if a spouse is unfaithful. Florida is a no-fault, community property state, so you just split your assets and you don't have to "prove" anything. Musiclover, can you help us out here?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 7:35pm
Hi Sireanita, remember me? I dated a handsome Cuban once and I can understand your attraction. He was and still is the best looking guy I ever dated/hooked up with.
However, I am concerned with this "He loves her and he.... loves me too. And that he can't leave her. That we can love each other without being in a formal relationship. "

Don't buy this line.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 7:42pm
I wrote a long post and lost it. ugh.

When my ex broke up with me, he was still hooking up with me. He was feeding me lines that he regrets breaking up with me. He cannot break up with current gf since he was the one who suggested she give up her apartment and move in with him.

Then this woman died in a car accident. My ex then told me he was not ready to be in a relationship with me because "too much happened in too short a time".
I was patient and understanding and did not push for a relationship and hooked up whenever we can.
A few months later, I found out he is dating someone. Not from him. yet he still texts me and wants to hook up.

I told him no more booty calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 7:43pm
misslynn76 wrote:
Hi Sireanita, remember me? I dated a handsome Cuban once and I can understand your attraction. He was and still is the best looking guy I ever dated/hooked up with.
However, I am concerned with this "He loves her and he.... loves me too. And that he can't leave her. That we can love each other without being in a formal relationship. "

Don't buy this line.

Of course I remember you. We discusses Cuban men (and there is a lot of them here in Mtl ;)

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 7:48pm

I have a friend whose ex is Cuban too (they separated 6 months ago). My AP (affair partner) talked to him and told me that he had someone he was crazy about in Cuba and he lived with someone here. At the same time, my friend tells me that he still tells her that he loves her and he slept with her a couple of weeks ago. He also knows (through friends) that she's going out and calls her up on that haha.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 10:57pm

My law firm does immigration law so I understand that people get married to come to the US--I don't know about Canada but in the US it's actually illegal to marry a person just to get legal status--it's supposed to be a "real" marriage and a lot of times they don't approve the person coming here if the consulate thinks it's a sham marriage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-26-2011
Thu, 03-01-2012 - 10:57pm

Oh, Anita!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2003
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 5:14am

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Fri, 03-02-2012 - 9:21am
'There will never be another tonight'. Your life is your own to do with as you wish, regardless of who thinks what of what you're doing with it. I say grab it whilst you can. Imho, being good and proper is for fools.


Hey, sometimes I do believe in this and seize the moments in life.

When it comes to love, it can be defeating at times. For example, being with someone only wants sex with you and you want a relationship. It causes more heartache than the good times.