My date & problem

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
My date & problem
4
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 10:51am
So I went out with IT guy last night. I had butterflies beforehand, but once we sat down to dinner - it was normal. No flush or rush of emotions. Just nice, intelligent conversations with lots of laughs. He's sweet, sincere and nice from what I can see. Active and healthy...and I am attracted to him :) Then a walk...where he was asking me what next? So I turned to him and said "hmm...twice I've picked the day/time/restaurant...I am sensing a lack of decision making ability here - its YOUR neighbourhood...where would you like to go?" Then he threw out a couple of ideas...I picked one...and as we were off, he explained that he has been living spur of the moment. Doing whatever suited him whenever it suited him. Fair enough...but...he gave me his number and told me to call anytime I wanted to go for dinner/do the cheesecake thing we talked about/etc...so its up to me AGAIN! And no kiss or anything - hope he wasn't expecting ME to make the move. Grr...

And earlier that day, my pilot friend called me at work to see what I was doing this w/end. Pilot & I met at an online dating thing 2 yrs ago, but do to our schedules and 40 min drive apart, we never met. Since then - we have maintained a friendship and met a few times. He asked me if I wanted to go for a ride in the helicopter sunday...said he'd show me a neat waterfall and pack a lunch. (Gee, that sounds kind of romantic for friends, no?) Then the KICKER...he's thinking of taking a job teaching...so he would have a set schedule with lots more free time...UGH.

So how do I stick to ONE guy and concentrate on ONE guy when I never have ONE guy in the picture? I don't know enough about either of these guys to make a CHOICE between the two. I like them both. Shy brought up a good point about concentrating on one...and I had every intention of doing that with IT guy...but now...I don't know...I'd like to go on the helicopter ride sunday...???

Go.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 12:14pm
You're not committed to either one of them yet. It's still early for you to make a decision. So, there's no harm in getting to know both of them better. This way, you won't end up saying "what if" in the future. Honestly, as I see it, "time" is your bestfriend here. You don't need to rush things. Go with your flow. If you feel like you have to make a decision, but you can't, then why push it. Who knows, maybe you'll know tomorrow or maybe next week which one is right for you. Good Luck!
Avatar for cl_shywon
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 1:21pm
Go on the ride. IT guy hasn't given you any indication that he's gonna call. That irks me. Helicopter guy sounds fun. Plus, if you hit it off with him, HE can be the one you focus on.

Have you talked with IT guy about what kind of relationship you're looking for? I don't mean asking him where it's going, but has it come up that you're looking for a committed relationship? I don't remember if you said before or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 04-05-2003 - 4:26pm
whoa. what's with the indeciveness??? do you think he just sees you as a friend?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Mon, 04-07-2003 - 12:01am
OMG I was in the same position with similar guys in January this year. I was torn between making a decision on which one I wanted to concentrate on. One was an aircraft maintenance engineer whom wanted to take me on a plane ride, I never went on it though. And the other was a friend whom I started dating and he always depended on me to make the plans and he made ME call HIM for further dates which I didn't :P I actually like to be taken around more than making the decision...I made the most of the decisions in my 5 year relationship to last me a life time! My ex never did plan our dates or vacations.

What I did was, I just played by ear...or went with the flow. I dated both of them and I told the 'friend' that if he wanted to go out with me again, HE would have to call. The 'engineer' & I started dating seriously and it kinda died out. Then I found out that he was dating some other girl :P...I still date the 'friend', actually I went on a date with him 2 fridays back and it kinda annoyed me, coz he asked me what next after the movie (which I planned!) and I told him its up to him what he wants us to do, and he said "what about another movie?" aaarrrggghhhh

So I say just go with flow...see what happens...test the waters...and definitely don't concentrate on only one now, this is the single life ;)