My fear holds me back...
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My fear holds me back...
| Tue, 05-15-2007 - 9:25am |
Hey everyone.
You ever feel like you let someone get away? I mean, you really don’t know whether or not this person could’ve been good for you; however, you felt such a strong feeling that he could’ve been that it’s almost unbearable? Well, I’ve done that. I let a guy get away because I was too afraid to say anything. Now, it’s too late. He seemed to be perfect for me: kind, compassionate, handsome, successful. Now, I’ve lost my chance. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and I feel bad about it.
I’ve always been like this, the kind of person who sits back and allows opportunities to pass me by. I don’t take risks, especially with my feelings, my heart. Every time I was in his presence, I thought of a million and one reasons why I shouldn’t say anything like, “so, are you single?”… “wanna grab coffee sometime?” My reasons? ��Oh, I’m the woman…he should be approaching me.” “Maybe he’s seeing someone already…he’s certainly a catch, so he’s probably not single.” "If he's not interested, I'll be crushed."
All my reasons kept me from saying a word. Now, my opportunities are gone…if I tried it now, it would be awkward, because I have no valid reason to contact him. I wish I could be a woman who wasn’t afraid to go after what I wanted. Now, here I am wishing I had said something. I’ve been single for nearly two years, and I’m so tired of dating people I’m not compatible with. Can anyone here relate? Can you relate to being afraid to take risks with your heart? Being tired of being single?
You ever feel like you let someone get away? I mean, you really don’t know whether or not this person could’ve been good for you; however, you felt such a strong feeling that he could’ve been that it’s almost unbearable? Well, I’ve done that. I let a guy get away because I was too afraid to say anything. Now, it’s too late. He seemed to be perfect for me: kind, compassionate, handsome, successful. Now, I’ve lost my chance. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it and I feel bad about it.
I’ve always been like this, the kind of person who sits back and allows opportunities to pass me by. I don’t take risks, especially with my feelings, my heart. Every time I was in his presence, I thought of a million and one reasons why I shouldn’t say anything like, “so, are you single?”… “wanna grab coffee sometime?” My reasons? ��Oh, I’m the woman…he should be approaching me.” “Maybe he’s seeing someone already…he’s certainly a catch, so he’s probably not single.” "If he's not interested, I'll be crushed."
All my reasons kept me from saying a word. Now, my opportunities are gone…if I tried it now, it would be awkward, because I have no valid reason to contact him. I wish I could be a woman who wasn’t afraid to go after what I wanted. Now, here I am wishing I had said something. I’ve been single for nearly two years, and I’m so tired of dating people I’m not compatible with. Can anyone here relate? Can you relate to being afraid to take risks with your heart? Being tired of being single?

Don't beat yourself up. I'd say 95% of guys out there will go for what they want when they want so, he may have been attached. However, if you want to go for a guy, I personally don't see anything wrong with it. You just need to make sure that you have thick enough skin. I think the scariest part about doing that sort of thing is the possibility of rejection.
Yes, I'm getting tired of being single, somewhat. I'm tired of a lot of things though, so I'm prioritizing. Finding a guy is last on my list.
I absolutely can relate. I know my fear (fear of rejection or looking like an idiot, in my case) gets in the way of me connecting with potentially great people. I posted in another thread that, on more than one occasion, I have practically run from men who seemed to be trying to approach me. A very bad habit. :) That's just one example - I do know my fear gets in the way a lot for me, and it's something I'm working on.
I don't know the details of your situation with this particular man. Was it someone you spoke with regularly - or just admired from afar? If it's someone with whom you were in regular contact, then I do sort of think it was up to him to make a move to show interest.
In any case, I'd say don't beat yourself up over this one guy. Take it as a learning experience for the next guy who sparks an interest. With the next one, you can work on your fear and build up the courage to give the guy an opening, let him know you're single, flirt a little, etc. Believe me, I know it's easier said than done, but your chances are not all gone! :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I agree with the other posters: don't beat yourself up for all the reasons they state.
But now, think about if you could go back in time and say something. Would you? :)
If you would, think about what you'd say to this guy. Because there's going to be another guy and you'll have your line all ready for him!
Of course he might say no. He might have plans, he might just say no. Still, at least you'll have asked and the opportunity won't have passed by. Because if you think about it, the sting of rejection would have passed within a week or so, but this regret's lasting a little longer, isn't it?
And yes! It's much easier to advise than do, but I honestly have done it. And yes, it's still scary but you prove something to yourself even if you get a no and the fear isn't as hard to conquer the next time.